NOTE : Video AFTER THE JUMP is NSFW due to thong. I told you it was a special bonus — AND I DON’T LIE! This is a video of Robin Williams on ‘Late Night with Jimmy Fallon’ talking about getting “OWNED” by 10 year-olds playing Call of Duty and naming his daughter after Princess Zelda . Respect (I loved you in Mrs. Doubtfire!). And, since it’s Friday (and I feel kinda bad about the Lara Croft thing), I included a video of a girl in a thong crushing a watermelon between her thighs that I found on the same site after watching the Robin Williams video. The sound alone was enough to give me the chills. Just like fingernails on a chalkboard, except a woman crushing a melon with her hooha. Hit it for the watermelon crushing fright-fest.

I have absolutely no idea what the hell I just watched , but I have the feeling it’s the reason the internet was invented. Bonus black-suit Spidey after the jump. Just lookin’ out for you, loverboy. Hit it for the other vid. You know you wanna.

NOTE : Video probably NSFW due to language (watch with headphones on. Also, a novelty t-shirt). I don’t even know what to say about this except I kind of liked it and it really made me want to do something similar . Provided something similar is play Zelda: Spirit Tracks until I fall asleep. Youtube Thanks to Chad and Marlene, who once redubbed an episode of Battlestar Galactica into a giant pirate vs. ninja battle.

This is a video from the 1991 National Beard and Mustache Championship in Tacoma, Washington featuring THE MOST AMAZING BEARD THIS EYE HAS EVER SEEN (stupid Red Ryder BB Gun). Watch and prepare to be breathtaken (wizardry!). Then, watch me pull my thumb back all the way. Impressed? I thought you might be — I’m not really double jointed. To the hospital! Youtube Thanks to NinjaMuffin, who once grew an aquarium beard and kept real fish in it and everything.

WARNING : NSFW VIDEO IS NSFW This is the highly, highly, HIGHLY NSFW music video for the Flair’s ‘Truckers Delight’. I can’t even begin to describe to you how dirty I felt after watching it. Unless you’ve ever swam in pig shit and then showered in vomit afterward. In which case, Jesus, join another pool. Youtube Thanks Smee and Kaerus, I’ll split my therapist’s bills between the two of you.

WARNING : NSFW VIDEO IS NSFW This is the highly, highly, HIGHLY NSFW music video for the Flair’s ‘Truckers Delight’. I can’t even begin to describe to you how dirty I felt after watching it. Unless you’ve ever swam in pig shit and then showered in vomit afterward. In which case, Jesus, join another pool. Youtube Thanks Smee and Kaerus, I’ll split my therapist’s bills between the two of you.

This is a video of the workers in a Microsoft store dancing around and clapping like the bunch of out-of-shape retail employees they are. That said, I would’ve passed out halfway through the song BUT ONLY CAUSE I’D BEEN DRINKING. The Blackeyed Peas compel the employees at the Microsoft Store in Mission Viejo, California to break out in dance, let their hair down and have some fun. This is an amazing store, the employees seem really excited and engaged, almost happy to be at work. My favorite parts are when people walking in the mall come inside the store, join in the dancing and have some fun. The amazing thing is that people are in the store for hours, they love interacting with the software and learning about new technology. Wow, like THAT doesn’t sound like the biggest bunch of promotional bullshit I’ve ever read. People spending hours in a retail store, really? THEY’RE CALLED HOMELESS. The last time I ever spent hours in a retail establishment my mom forgot me at Sears while I was playing in the middle of a clothes rack and they closed the store for the night . And that, my friends, is why I can’t sleep without a circular saw. Youtube Thanks to Patrick, Mark, babysteps and Mixtech, who, dance! *pew pew* I SAID DANCE!

There’s rock bottom , and then they’re webcam-ing yourself crying and punching the wall over your disappointment about Modern Warfare 2 . Jesus, kid, fix yourself a spot of tea and calm the f*** down. Oh, and for the love of God: lose the milk mustache. Youtube Thanks to kweks, who had a meltdown about the new Super Mario Bros. for Wii but was smart enough not to tape it.

NOTE : Video is arguably NSFW due to cartoon violence and what may or may not be a penis (it’s a penis. It’s 100% a penis) from 0:30 to 0:35. I have absolutely no idea what I just saw even though I watched it five times in a row. I really loved the style, but the subject matter gave me siesta-mares this afternoon. I know I promised I wouldn’t nap on the job anymore, but a siesta’s different. It’s cultural. Crazy Headsploding Animation Defies Any Classification [gizmodo]

This is a piano , which, through the use of the black magic and robotics , is able to speak in one of the scariest voices I’ve ever heard. Well, besides the one that comes attached to the figure that sneaks into my room at night and tells me to write dirty things on the internet. I think it’s my uncle! Youtube Thanks to J.D., Rodger and Alexandra, who are already planning to push this thing out a window.