This is part of a chart comparing the traits of various vampires . As you can see, there’s little to no consistency between vampire franchises. This is the appearances chart, but if you go to Wikipedia they also have comparisons of weaknesses, supernatural powers, reproduction and similarities in plot setting. I’m convinced somebody made them with the explicit intention of proving to Twi-hards that they’re not in love with a real vampire, just a twinkly little bitch with gorgeous hair. Which, God, that hair . Tables of vampire traits [wikipedia] Thanks to Erik, whose devilish good looks put Edward ‘Twinkle Toes’ Cullen’s to shame.

‘OG Vampires’ is arguably the awesomest shirt ever created. And it comes to us from the very skilled hand of Geekologie artist-in-residence Jesse Star . Jesse just started his own t-shirt company ( Zombie Tee Shirt Company ) and this is one of his original designs. $20 makes you the coolest kid in school. Besides me, cause I’m gonna cut the front off one and safety-pin it to the back of another. 2X COOL! — coming AND going. Speaking of which, don’t lie — you love watching me leave. It’s my ass, isn’t it? Yeah, it’s a pretty good one . Zombie Tee Shirt Company

To celebrate how much New Moon sucked the proverbial shimmering wang , here’s a trailer for Three Wolf Moon , which, at least based on this video, might actually be worth watching . That said, I did go see New Moon this weekend BUT ONLY TO MAKE A BOOTLEG. Line starts by the garage door, ladies. Twilight: Three Wolf Moon [collegehumor] Thanks to everyone who sent this in whose emails are all over the place and I would never be able to name all of: I owe you my life a pint of blood one.

Don’t even act like you didn’t deserve it. Twilight Saga: And so it begins… [lamebook] Thanks to pstone, who always remembers to take his shoes off before passing out.

I drank this stuff , it was good. It’s thick and tastes like Hawaiian Punch concentrate. They recommend you put it in the microwave for 14 seconds to heat it up to body temperate. I did that. That made it warm. It was weird warm. Like licking a fresh wound , but sweeter. I think it gave me superhuman strength and speed but I won’t know for sure till after I whip this nancy Edward Cunnilingus’ pale ass. Synthetic blood substitute. The fruit punch flavor packs 4 hours of energy along with iron, protein, and electrolytes. Not only does Blood Energy Potion have a similar nutritional makeup to real blood, but it has the same color, look, and consistency. Get real blood nutrients without that real blood taste! Re-sealable transfusion bag style pouch. Contains no real blood, just synthetic! A 4-pack will set you back $16 but they get cheaper the more you buy. It’s definitely a cool product for Halloween and certainly an attention getter. Not as attention getting as actually biting a stranger, but why risk the disease? Because you’re crazy, that’s why. I say do it. Bite that old lady. BITE HER NOW! Product Site (order before 3PM tomorrow, October 23rd for Halloween delivery)

As if babies aren’t scary enough already, now you can get $7 vampire teeth pacifiers that make them look like they’re gonna suck blood instead of breast milk . No way — not from this teat! Billy Bob pacifiers for babies with personality. You will receive this hilarious, Lil’ Vampire Billy Bob pacifier. It is brand new in manufacturers’ packaging. WARNING : Do not tie pacifier around child’s neck, as it presents a strangulation danger. Geez, who on earth would ever tie a pacifier around a child’s neck? I mean, besides your parents. One time they left you on top of the car and drove off! Product Site via Halloween Lil’ Vampire Pacifier Makes Babies Scary Even While Sleeping [walyou]

This is video from G4’s Attack of the Show (featuring Kevin Pereira and Olivia Munn ) depicting what Twilight would have been like if there was a just and fair God. But there isn’t, so guess who’ll be watching New Moon opening night? NOT ME! My guess is a shit-ton of 13-year old girls. Plus your girlfriend. Olivia Munn`s Twilight: Don`t Date Vampires [iambored] Thanks to me.vicky, who once bit the head off a bat because she thought she heard it talking in vampire-speak.

Blood Energy Potion is a $6 energy drink (availableJanuary 2010) that was made to look — and have the same nutritional value — of real blood . That’s pretty gross . “The fruit punch flavor packs 4 hours of energy along with iron, protein, and electrolytes. Not only does Blood Energy Potion have a similar nutritional makeup to real blood, but it has the same color, look, and consistency of blood. Get real blood nutrients without that real blood taste! The re-sealable transfusion bag style pouch provides the convenient delivery of fluids for vampires and humans alike! Contains no real blood, just synthetic! ” Pfft, forget synthetic blood. I drink the real deal. ISN’T THAT RIGHT, MY FALLEN ENEMIES?! Say — none of you had AIDS, right? Product Site via Blood Energy Drink [likecool] Thanks to Ste, who is holding out for a bile energy drink. HORF.

Are she and Stephen Moyer playing out their TV characters in real life? Looks like it! True Blood's Anna Paquin, seen here shopping at the Farmers Market in Santa Monica, was spotted with some curious looking marks… on her…

Look down. Do you have breasts ? If so, you’re a woman or a man who could afford to lose some weight. Either of which may be interesting in these Twilight bandages. They’re band-aids , but with Twilight shit on them . Now, not to flaunt my superior product design skills or anything, but they should have made the bandages look like vampire bites . BOOM, $1 million idea. You’d have girls throwing themselves off their bicycles just so they could wear more of them. Oh, right, Twi-hards are cutters. Product Site (sorry ladies, currently sold out) Thanks to ech0z, who doesn’t wear bandages because he has the healing properties of Wolverine, but is way more rugged and handsome. There, I did it — now pay up.