On Oprah yesterday, Oprah gave an extended shout of Roger Ebert’s name as an introduction (I assume) and the film critic revealed his Academy Award predictions and debuted the new Stephen Hawking voice he discussed in his Esquire interview , a set of vocals constructed from old video clips of his actual voice. You can tell it’s his voice, but if there was Real, Pre-Surgery Ebert and Android Ebert in front of me, each trying to convince me the other was the fake, and the Android Ebert had this voice, I’d definitely know which one to shoot.

A few months ago, CBS announced they planned to make yet another miserable sitcom, this one based on the Twitter account ShitMyDadSays . I naturally assumed Jerry Stiller would reprise his long-running crazy, screaming dad shtick in a third series, but no, the network has gone in a different direction: the stars!* The Hollywood Reporter is reporting William Shatner will play the part of the shit-saying dad in the multi-camera series. Thus far only a pilot has been ordered, but I have a strong feeling CBS will be picking this one up. God knows we need something to fill the void once the network’s star chubby Half-Man officially becomes just a third man. *William Shatner starred in a popular television series set in space.

A few months ago, CBS announced they planned to make yet another miserable sitcom, this one based on the Twitter account ShitMyDadSays . I naturally assumed Jerry Stiller would reprise his long-running crazy, screaming dad shtick in a third series, but no, the network has gone in a different direction: the stars!* The Hollywood Reporter is reporting William Shatner will play the part of the shit-saying dad in the multi-camera series. Thus far only a pilot has been ordered, but I have a strong feeling CBS will be picking this one up. God knows we need something to fill the void once the network’s star chubby Half-Man officially becomes just a third man. *William Shatner starred in a popular television series set in space.

The shark/octopus fusion of Sharktopus not do it for you? Then how about a shark with a T-Rex head, Johnny Picky? It’s Dinoshark! SyFy (yup) is producing the TV movie with Roger Corman (yup), who explained how beautiful the introduction to this beast will be: “Global warming causes the glaciers to break apart,” Corman explains. “We start the picture with real beautiful shots of the glaciers falling into the ocean. The unborn egg of the Dinoshark that has been frozen for millions of years is released.” God, both beautiful and scientifically sound; the perfect prelude to a dinosaur shark’s arrival. But fans of Corman’s previous dino[animal] efforts may be left questioning why we’re moving on to a Dinoshark when Dinocroc left us with so many unresolved issues. The answer: “Dinoshark,” which debuts March 13, is a follow-up of sorts to Corman’s “Dinocroc.” Corman originally thought to do “Dinocroc 2,” but Syfy executives discovered that, unlike theatrical audiences, TV movie audiences respond better to new-but-similar ideas more than direct sequels. Ah, that’s true. Like a nice wine, we should swish Dinocroc around a bit before taking another sip. I wonder, though, Roger Corman, how would you compare the believability of Dinoshark to the believability of Sharktopus?

This is a mashup picture of Dexter from Dexter’s Lab and Dexter from that show Dexter about the serial killer . I’ve seen a shit-ton of Dexter’s Lab but only one episode of Dexter because he reminds me too much of myself and that makes me nervous because I don’t want to kill anybody else. I SAID I DON’T WANT TO I DIDN’T SAY I WOULDN’T. I’m coming for you (leave a key under the mat, please). Also, if you could take these sleeping pills that would be great. Wait — those are my vitamins. Dexter-Dexter [loldwell] Thanks to michael, who would kill you for an In-N-Out burger right now.

Leno’s late night switcharound has created its second casualty. Kevin Eubanks, Leno’s longtime bandleader and the source of all that chortling from stage left, has decided to leave The Tonight Show sometime after its March 1 re-Lenoed debut. Extra says Eubanks “wanted a change” and is looking to pursue other opportunities beyond playing the guitar equivalent of a rimshot the rest of his life. So let him know if you hear about any jobs for a man uniquely qualified at politely chuckling every few minutes. Maybe talking on the phone to my grandma?

Leno’s late night switcharound has created its second casualty. Kevin Eubanks, Leno’s longtime bandleader and the source of all that chortling from stage left, has decided to leave The Tonight Show sometime after its March 1 re-Lenoed debut. Extra says Eubanks “wanted a change” and is looking to pursue other opportunities beyond playing the guitar equivalent of a rimshot the rest of his life. So let him know if you hear about any jobs for a man uniquely qualified at politely chuckling every few minutes. Maybe talking on the phone to my grandma?

Fuck you, Mega Shark and Giant Octupus : it’s SHARKTOPUS. SyFy reportedly has B-movie god Roger Corman directing a movie about this goddammer, and the network’s original films director has been “discussing what a sharktopus should look like, how many mouths it should have and how it should kill.” The obvious answers: it should look really awesome, have infinite mouths, and fuck everyone up. More concept art below the cut.

What better way to spend Valentine’s Day than home alone in front of the television at 10PM Eastern watching a Discovery Channel special on dinosaur sex ? I can’t think of a single one. Of course, I can’t think of a better way to spend any day. Tyrannosaurus Sex , the Discovery Channel’s “new special that investigates dinosaur reproduction” and uses “ground-breaking CGI [to] bring new life to one of the last mysteries of these great beasts.” The press release for the show is a thing of both beauty and terror — not unlike a dinosaur, really. “Tyrannosaurus Sex doesn’t just answer the questions, IT SHOWS DINOSAUR SEX IN ALL ITS GLORY ,” it says. Please god, no. “How did a ferocious T-Rex woo his lady? How did a female Titanosaur support the weight of a male who was as long as a four-story building is high? How did a Stegosaurus couple negotiate sex with all those deadly plates and spikes?” Oh. my. God. It’s like the Discovery Channel has been rooting around in my brain! Tell me, did you find out where I parked my car last night? Right, I remember being at that club, and then — robot threesome whaaaaat? Nope, definitely came up with this on their own. Press Release [tvbythenumbers] via ‘Tyrannosaurus Sex’: Jurassic spark? [popwatch] Thanks to Ryleigh and Craig, who are both invited to come over and watch provided we don’t ever make eye contact.

Doug Funny. Pete Wrigley (Big & Little). iCarly. Joe Simpson, fame-whoring father of Jessica and Ashlee Simpson. What do they have in common? They’re all popular ( or soon to be! ) Nickelodeon characters: Joe Simpson, father and manager of pop stars Jessica and Ashlee Simpson, has teamed with veteran tween and teen series producer Tommy Lynch for a comedy series project set up at Nickelodeon. The untitled show will be loosely based on Simpson’s real-life experience as a psychologist raising two daughters in Texas. The story in the comedy project centers on one of the daughters who begins imitating her father and giving life advice to other kids in her school. Kids are going to love this. Not because of the premise of combining the short-lived WB sitcom Raising Dad , Alan Thicke’s dad character from Growing Pains , and Lucy from Peanuts (which in itself makes a hit cocktail) but simply because kids love Joe Simpson. Kids love all greedy celebrity dads. If Nickelodeon were smart, they’d relaunch GUTS with Michael Lohan as host and the Culkin dad as Mo. Instead of the Aggo Crag, the exciting finale would feature kids joyously racing to scale a foam replica of Billy Ray Cyrus’s head, while doing their best to concentrate as the blaring speakers that line his glitter-spraying mullet shout his fatherly demands. “Make more money! Show more skin! Transform into Hannah Montana now!” It’s a surefire hit.