Who’s Your Daddy (that’s easy, I am) Real Bacon Homemade Potato Chips ($5) are exactly what they sound like: deliciousness incarnate. Bet you can’t eat just one (bag) you glutton you. We start with the best quality potatoes and add a proprietary blend of some extra-bacony goodness. They will put a grin on your face and promise to test your limits of self-control. It is our stated mission that you have a heightened sense of expectation before opening a bag of our Real Bacon Handmade Potato Chips that is exceeded every single time that bag is opened. Enjoy! Oh I’m going to enjoy all right, ENJOY SUING YOUR PANTS OFF FOR KILLING ME! You think ghosts can’t sue? Ghosts can sue. Just ask Casper. He’s been after that free candy van guy for years for passing out laced candy. Ha, good luck with that, Casper. Say mister, have any Jujyfruits? Product Site via Bacon Potato Chips [uncrate] Thanks to Chuey the midget, who, despite his small size, can still win competitive eating contests.

Who’s Your Daddy (that’s easy, I am) Real Bacon Homemade Potato Chips ($5) are exactly what they sound like: deliciousness incarnate. Bet you can’t eat just one (bag) you glutton you. We start with the best quality potatoes and add a proprietary blend of some extra-bacony goodness. They will put a grin on your face and promise to test your limits of self-control. It is our stated mission that you have a heightened sense of expectation before opening a bag of our Real Bacon Handmade Potato Chips that is exceeded every single time that bag is opened. Enjoy! Oh I’m going to enjoy all right, ENJOY SUING YOUR PANTS OFF FOR KILLING ME! You think ghosts can’t sue? Ghosts can sue. Just ask Casper. He’s been after that free candy van guy for years for passing out laced candy. Ha, good luck with that, Casper. Say mister, have any Jujyfruits? Product Site via Bacon Potato Chips [uncrate] Thanks to Chuey the midget, who, despite his small size, can still win competitive eating contests.

I think we all knew this day would come: Envelopes with bacon -flavored adhesive. Geez, these are almost as clever as my invention: nipple flavored envelopes. Which, I think you and I both know is the closest your tongue will ever come. J&D’s, the makers of Bacon Salt and Baconnaise, isn’t kidding when they say everything should taste like bacon: They just announced Mmmvelopes, bacon-flavored envelopes. $6.99 for 25 bacon-flavored #10 envelopes, $14.99 for 3 packs of 25….”No longer will envelopes taste like the underside of your car. You can enjoy the taste of delicious bacon instead.” Now I know what you’re thinking, “but how do I keep myself from eating them?” THEY’RE PAPER YOU IDIOTS. Yeah I have no idea. Mmmvelopes: Bacon-Flavored Envelopes from the Makers of Bacon Salt and Baconnaise [eatmedaily] Thanks to Mih0, who invented chocolate-flavored envelopes a long time ago but that ruthless cocoa mogul Wonka stole his idea.

What do you get when you cross Cheetos lip balm and bacon flavored lube ? A BACON-CHEESE ORGY TO REMEMBER, AM I RIGHT? God, I sure hope I’m not. You people are freaks. Anyway, bacon lip balm is exactly what it sounds like: bacon flavored lip balm from the porky purveyors over at J&D . A 4-pack will set you back $13, but it’s gonna take a lot more than that to fill you up! I’m a pretty skinny guy and I still ate ten sticks for breakfast. PLUS TWO ROCKS AND SOME DIRT. Amazon Product Site via J&D’s Bacon Lip Balm [uncrate] Thanks to Rémy, Ste, tkuper and PrestickNinja, who are smart enough to know hotdogs aren’t really just assholes and lips. There are elbows in there too, you know.

Cheetos lip balm, it just makes sense. And by sense I mean your lips orange. Now swish some Dew around in your mouth and gimme kissies! Would You Wear Cheetos Lip Balm? [lemondrop] Thanks to The webcam in your monocle, who records whatever you see. Including in the shower . Provided you wear your monocle in the shower, which, pfft , who doesn’t?

I think it’s safe to say we would all eat that, but I would go the extra mile and lick the pit. Happy lunching! Picture [flickr] Thanks, son, now go to your room. Mommy and daddy are going to wrestle.