This is a parody of the Old Spice commercials that are all the rage on your fancy moving-picture box these days (posted one after the jump for those of you who haven’t seen them), except it’s for Apple products. Only problem is, it didn’t make me laugh like the originals. Those things are funny as shit! Shit on fire that you’re stomping out with your best dress socks on. I’M TALKING ROFLQUALITY. But not really. Hit the jump for the original Old Spice ad if you haven’t seen it.

Damnit, Darth , you’re terrorizing the entire house. I swear, where’s Luke riding a teacup pig when you need him? Haha, what do you mean he’s in his room with Leia and the door’s locked? Doesn’t he know? No?! Holy shit this is gonna be hilarious! But first: I need for you to order one of those fake “always positive” pregnancy tests. Picture Thanks to sham, who will always be a sham-wow in my book.

Topeka, Kansas , best known for renaming itself Google this week in a bid to be Google’s fiber optic network test market , renamed itself Google this week in a bid to be Google’s fiber optic test market. In a formal proclamation Monday, [Mayor Bill] Bunten announced his city will be known as “Google” — Google, Kansas. “It’s just fun. We’re having a good time of it,” he said of the unofficial name change, which will last through the end of March. “There’s a lot of good things that are going on in our city.” The unusual move comes as several U.S. cities elbow for a spot in Google’s new “Fiber for Communities” program. The Web giant is going to install new Internet connections in unannounced locations, giving those communities Internet speeds 100 times faster than those elsewhere, with data transfer rates faster than 1 gigabit per second. Way to put yourself on the map, Topeka. Which, fun fact: did you know Topeka means “to dig good potatoes” in the language of the Kansa and Ioway Native American tribes? Now guess where Kansas and Iowa got their names. I’m learning you all kinda shit today! Topeka ‘renames’ itself ‘Google, Kansas’ [cnn] Thanks to Greg, Shea, Fally and Wesley J, who should just cut the crap and rename themselves Awesome.

This is a painting on a roof as seen in Google Maps. It looks like melted chocolate except it’s really just paint. But I would lick it anyways just to make sure . It was the brainchild of artist Molly Dilworth, who wants to paint shit on the tops of all kinds of buildings so Google Maps looks more like vomit. What ever happened to good old fashioned shlizongs ? Each of Dilworth’s paintings begin with a grid that will be filled in paint-by-numbers style. The composition of each painting is determined by the roof area, and the colors used by the amount and type of discarded paint on hand at the time. Given the nature of her process, the results are certainly unique, with some pieces offering a pixelated image that snaps into focus from a distance, and others forming assorted slurs of color. WHOA WHOA WHOA MOLLY — now wait just a minute! Slurs of color? I was all systems go until the whole racist angle. Not cool, lady, not cool. And you seemed like such a sweet girl in 16 Candles ! Stunning Rooftop Paintings Visible from Satellites [inhabitat] Thanks to Fally, who suggests we all paint our roofs with alien-friendly slogans so they don’t nuke us all when they finally come for good.

This is a painting on a roof as seen in Google Maps. It looks like melted chocolate except it’s really just paint. But I would lick it anyways just to make sure . It was the brainchild of artist Molly Dilworth, who wants to paint shit on the tops of all kinds of buildings so Google Maps looks more like vomit. What ever happened to good old fashioned shlizongs ? Each of Dilworth’s paintings begin with a grid that will be filled in paint-by-numbers style. The composition of each painting is determined by the roof area, and the colors used by the amount and type of discarded paint on hand at the time. Given the nature of her process, the results are certainly unique, with some pieces offering a pixelated image that snaps into focus from a distance, and others forming assorted slurs of color. WHOA WHOA WHOA MOLLY — now wait just a minute! Slurs of color? I was all systems go until the whole racist angle. Not cool, lady, not cool. And you seemed like such a sweet girl in 16 Candles ! Stunning Rooftop Paintings Visible from Satellites [inhabitat] Thanks to Fally, who suggests we all paint our roofs with alien-friendly slogans so they don’t nuke us all when they finally come for good.

Coca-Cola released an energy drink in the Netherlands called Burn (as in, wrap it up in Amsterdam or urinating will) that features a resealable top . But I just stocked up on Bottle Tops ! The can is opened by twisting the plastic seal. While doing this the pressure inside the can is released slowly through the smallest hole on the seal (see picture), thus preventing the soda to spray out if the can has been shaken. When you’ve had enough for a while you can close the seal with another simple twist, and you’re good to go. Sure, why not? Of course, if you can’t finish an energy drink in one sitting, maybe you should, oh I dunno, CONSIDER ASKING YOUR MOMMY FOR A SIPPY-CUP. Me? I’m a grown-ass man — I could drink three Burns in a row and crush the cans on my face . No — in my eye. I AIN’T YOUR GRANDMA’S JUICEBOX! Official Product Site Thanks to Stranger, who has inspired me to sit on my hand.

The Pooch Power Shovel (the quicker, shittier picker-upper ) may look like a leaf blower, but it’s not. It’s also not anything I’d recommend you trying to attach to your genitals, but you know what? Go for it. I’m tired of mothering you. And, honestly, I’m looking forward to the 911 call being leaked. The cordless Pooch Power Shovel sucks the waste directly into specially designed plastic bags making them easy to dispose of (up to 150 on a single charge) and at first glance you might think the clear plastic tube provides an unpleasant view of the business being dealt with, but when used properly the waste apparently never touches the machine or your hands. At $99.50 from Frontgate it’s easily the most expensive pet poo solution I’ve seen, short of hiring someone else to do it, and the refill bags will set you back an additional $19.50 for 50 or $35.50 for 100. It doesn’t seem like that big a piece of crap(!) if you’re only gonna use it in your backyard (I’d still just set the mower as low as it’ll go and shoot shit everywhere), but I’d never carry this thing on a walk. Of course, I said the same thing when they came out with 500lb dumbbells…. Pooch Power Shovel Vacuums Up Poo, Not Small Yap Dogs [ohgizmo]

What better way to honor your favorite film than with a commemorative tattoo on your shoulder? Sure you could just buy the Blu-Ray when it’s released, but come on, that’s for posers. You’re a real fan. Real fans do crazy shit they’ll regret later. Now I know what you’re thinking: Jesus, does that mean the GW really has the t-rex and raptors from Jurassic Park permanently inked on himself? Ha! Do dinosaurs fight across my buttcheeks? That was rhetorical. Of course they do. Avatar Tattoo [avatar.typepad] Thanks to Steve, who’s considering getting a scene from The Notebook on his bicep.

The Cat Hammock Coffee Table was created by Case-Real and is a glass -topped magazine receptacle with a wicker-ish hammock for your feline companions beneath. It’s cool, but your cat would be just as happy sleeping under any coffee table. Or in an empty soda box. Hit the jump for one more shot of the hammock in use.

Alcohol and whippits in the same container? WHAT IS IT, MY BIRTHDAY?! (It’s not, but it actually is The Superficial Writer’s — HAPPY BIRTHDAY!) That’s right folks, Whipped Lightning brand Whipahol combines the creamy goodness of whipped spunk with the intoxicating effects of booze with the WAH-WAH-WAWESOMENESS of nitrous oxide . Jesus loves us after all! Now let’s all get naked, hold hands and sing Kumbaya (I dropped acid too just to be on the safe side). Official Site Thanks to Garrett, who knows you don’t need alcohol-infused whipped cream to the the life of a party. Just no pants and a lampshade on your head. Classic!