A Canadian man was recently broken up with by his girlfriend after she found racy text messages on his cell phone . Only thing was, the messages come preloaded on every model of that phone. Ah, women . They’re all batshit crazy. The Winnipeg man is calling for the phones to be recalled, after his girlfriend of two and a half years dumped him after finding text messages saying ‘Booty call,’ ‘Where u at,’ and ‘Be there soon’ stored on his phone. I said, “You’re being ridiculous.” She said, “No I’m not, here’s the proof,”‘ he told the Free Press.He called Virgin Mobile to complain, and was told to file a written complaint. He also returned to the store where he bought the phone - where the staff were as surprised as he was to find the cheeky messages on the phone. ‘At first, we didn’t believe him,’ shop assistant Mike Ford told the newspaper. ‘But when we looked at a couple of the same phones he bought, and found they all had the same messages.’ Darren now wants the phones to be recalled and the messages removed, to prevent other from having ‘to go through the hell I’m going through.’ Listen, I’m not saying this woman isn’t a rocket surgeon, but don’t those messages usually come in a folder marked ‘Templates’? Granted, if I ever saw a text message on my significant other’s cell phone that said “booty call”, I’d be pissed too. I don’t date people who talk like that! Man dumped over mobile phone’s pre-loaded sexy text messages [metro] Thanks to Van, who once got dumped for calling 411.

18-year old idiot moron James N. P. Miller (because one initial wasn’t enough) scored a DWI (you can’t even drink legally!) on Halloween while wearing his ‘blow here’ breathalyzer costume . Not so good lookin’, N.P. Can I call you N.P.? You know I’m going to anyways. According to a police report, 18-year-old James N. P. Miller, of Cincinnati, was seen driving the wrong way out of the entrance to a one-way street at East Park Place in Oxford. Inside his car, officers allegedly found an open container of Bud Light in the center console. Officers also found what was left of a case of Bud Light in the passenger side front seat and in the trunk. The legal limit in Ohio is .08 BAC–Miller tested at .158. He was cited for operating a vehicle while intoxicated (among other violations) and released to his girlfriend. I actually know a guy that wore the same costume on Halloween and try as I might, I couldn’t get a reading. I dunno, dead batteries or something. Moron In Breathalyzer Costume Busted For Driving Drunk [gizmodo] Thanks to Chris, who blew even harder than I did.

Want to rob a house? Need a mask ? Pfft, just Sharpie your face off like these idiot morons ! Note: +2 homoerotic style points to Matthew for opting for a Robin mask. Police said they had no trouble identifying two men accused of trying to break into a Carroll apartment. Police were responding to a call about an attempted burglary when they pulled over a car matching the alleged suspects’ vehicle. Inside the car, officers found two men with their faces blackened with permanent marker. Police said the caller described two men with painted faces attempting to break into an apartment Friday night before driving off. Wow. I haven’t seen two bigger bags of fail in a long time. I can’t stop laughing! Mmmm, nitrous. Makes me want to go to dental school. Police: Marker Bandits Arrested [kcci] Thanks to Kelly, who once tried robbing a house with a bra over her face but was arrested when she got stuck trying to climb through the doggy door.

This is a Illegal Alien Halloween costume that’s just been pulled from Target and Amazon . I wouldn’t wear it, and not just because masks make it harder to drink . Many are outraged over an “Illegal Alien” costume that depicts its wearer as a space alien in a prison jumpsuit brandishing a giant “green card.” Understandably, those concerned over immigrant rights see this as a swipe at the Hispanic community. The products official description reads: “He didn’t just cross a border, he crossed a galaxy! He’s got his green card, but it’s from another planet! Sure to get some laughs, the Illegal Alien Adult Costume includes an orange prison-style jumpsuit with ‘Illegal Alien’ printed on the front, an alien mask and a ‘green card.’” Listen, I promised myself I wouldn’t use this blog to push my own political agenda on you folks, so I’m not going to. But I am going to use it to shamelessly self promote and sell some t-shirts. So buy my book and some t-shirts, damnit.* *Book and t-shirts possibly coming soon. Maybe. ‘Illegal Alien’ Costume Being Pulled from Some Store Shelves [hispanicbusiness] Thanks to Alex, who has been a pirate four years running and is going for a fifth. Of rum. HIYO!

This is a Twilight themed corn maze in Utah (a state best known for people forgetting is a state) celebrating the new movie that’s coming out later this year that I, for one, can’t wait to see (read: I’d rather have ants eat my eyeballs while I’m awake and screaming and a dominatrix hammers at my junk with a meat tenderizer). I just put this up for you ladies out there that are in love with this garbage and know what ‘Team Jacob’ means. Because I sure as hell don’t. * Googling* Holy shit, this teen-wolf character actually sounds pretty cool. NOOOOOOT. High five for the oldschool burn! Also, haiku contest winners will be announced later tonight (I still have 400 haikus left to read). ‘Twilight’ fans can get happily get lost in corn [ohnotheydidnt] Thanks to pstone, who has never run through a cornfield backwards but has been to prison. Similar feelings.

This could be older than dino bones (but NOWHERE NEAR as sexy ) for all I know, I just thought it was humorous because I pretty much see this message all the time and it makes me want to put my fist through the computer screen. Which I don’t hesitate to do. Seriously, I’m already on like my fourth laptop. Of the day. This page is stupid and cannot be displayed [org.nz] Thanks to Nik, who once punched through his monitor and broke one of the internet’s tubes.

Snuggies for dogs. Or, “Why the Geekologie Writer had a staring match with an oncoming train and lost on purpose.” $15 plus $8 shipping gets you a dog Snuggie, a recordable dog tag, and a complete loss of respect for your dog . Just pay additional shipping and you’ll get two of each! Act now and I’ll even knee you in the genitals — FREE! And you will like it . YES SIR, MAY I HAVE ANOTHER? You may! Product Site Thanks to David, who loves his dog too much to do this to it. Right, David? RIGHT?!

The Candle Quick is a glorified stove pot that melts pre-burnt candles to make new ones. Melt multiple candles together for unique smell combinations! Including, and virtually limited to: complete stinking ass! The Candle Quick costs $25 and, despite what the picture would have you believe, is best used WHILE PAYING ATTENTION . I can already hear the fire trucks from here. Recycling candles is what this economy has brought us to [dvice]

So there’s this alleged ‘Geek Test’ on Facebook that I took and I scored a 2 out of 10. A FREAKING TWO! Do you know who I am , you stupid Facebook piece of test? Who wrote you? TELL ME WHO WROTE YOU!! Because I am going to beat them within a micron of their life with a science book and then cut them with a laser. Also, as an added Friday bonus, I left my picture up. So in case you were wondering, there I am. TOO BAD I ALREADY CHANGED IT AGAIN, SUCKERS! And if you haven’t already, join the Geekologie fanpage on Facebook OR I WILL DRINK THIS CAT. Link to Geek Test From Geekologie Page

Patti Deni, undoubtedly trying to make up for her lack of parenting (or child droppage), had a 98-inch StarGlas60 television installed in the ceiling above her teenage son’s bed . “Because it’s so big and has such a wide viewing angle, Patty’s son wouldn’t have to lay flat on his back necessary to see the screen,” Bohner explains. “He and his friends can prop themselves just about anywhere and get a good view,” adds Patty. Wow. I didn’t even have a TV in my bedroom until I was….okay, I don’t think I’ve ever had a TV in my bedroom. And you know why? Because I don’t sleep. LIKE EDWARD IN TWILIGHT . Only I’m dreamier. Somebody, anybody, back me up. DO IT NOW! 100-inch Screen Gets Mounted Flush in the Ceiling [electronichouse] Thanks to naas and 42 y/o undead warlock, whose kids are lucky to not sleep under the dining room table.