We’ve taken the next logical step forward from Stephen King’s Christine . A movie about a killer tire that’s decent enough to admit there is absolutely no rationale for its premise: Robert, a tire that has been abandoned in the desert, suddenly comes to life, for no reason. He learns how to get around, explores the desert and discovers in himself a passion for destroying insects and various lost items. Robert soon develops a telepathic gift, which gives him the ability to destroy anything he wants, without moving… What really concerns me about this foe is that he can destroy anything he wants… without moving. How to stop a killer tire if not through physical restraint? TwitchFilm has more photos from Rubber . At least one is not safe for work if your workplace doesn’t allow you to view a woman’s head that’s been so pulverized it looks like an ad for Smucker’s Jam ‘n’ Chunks of Hair. (Thanks, Victor.)

I don’t know about you, but I shoot to kill. Especially when it comes to protecting my castle (rent-controlled apartment). So I’m gonna have to pass on the Koosh bullets . AND seconds. Really, I’m stuffed. Lightfield has been selling these projectiles to law enforcement agencies and wildlife officials for years. Each round is filled with a soft projectile that resembles a koosh ball. They look like toys, because they’re made by a Chinese toy factory. The best thing about them is that they aren’t likely to kill someone even if they are fired at point blank range. They’re so soft that they’re almost incapable of penetrating the body. Eh. I’m a little hesitant to shoot toys at an intruder only to have them return fire with adult bullets. No, I think I’ll be sticking to my laser blaster, thank you very much. And I’m not just saying that because I accidentally glued it to my arm training for the robot wars, but that’s exactly what happened. A closeup of the projectiles after the jump.

The Humunga Stache is a $12 piece of molded rubber . One side’s a ball , and the other is giant freaking mustache . So when your dog bites the ball, guess what happens! (Hint: you take pictures and post them Facebook with clever captions). Add some low-cost laughs to your frequent frolics with Fido! This shiny black toy is a ball on one end, and a giant cartoon mustache on the other. Dogs naturally pick up the ball…which leaves the outrageously funny mustache sticking out! Dogs also love to hold the ball in their mouth, and shake the mustache back and forth! Not a bad idea. Of course, my dog would just chew up the whole damn thing. You see, she’s a bitch. And, based on those tits in the pic, so is Fido. Animal cruelty! Product Site via Humunga Stache [likecool] Thanks to Niki, whose bitch has a real mustache and moonlights as a carny.

That’s right, dinosaur shaped condoms . Available from Willy Wardrobe (probably NSFW , but also has a bunch of other novelty condoms ), each Stegosaurus E-Rex will set you back £2.50 (~$4) and is not recommended for re-use (even though you and I both know you totally will anyway). A bit of a sexual fossil? Then this dinosaur condom is for you! Warning: Sold as novelty only. Product may be used during intercourse although there is no guarantee that it will prevent pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases. Also, not responsible for lost spines. Okay, so I made that last part up. Still, you’ve got to wonder. WONDER WHY NOBODY WAS MAKING THESE EARLIER! Plus, they like a perfect fit to me. Pfft, don’t even act like your penis doesn’t have feet too. Product Site Thanks to Starchitect, Ezrail, david, DatsMark, Xavire, Ross, John, sara, Jody and clipper, for knowing me all too well.

We’ve known about airless tires for a while now here on Geekologie, but now the US military is getting involved and testing them sums of beaches out on some of their vehicles. But not their tanks — they don’t have any air to begin with, silly! The advantages of airless tires are obvious: they can’t be punctured and they never go flat. But it clearly takes a lot of science to get the proper material that can stand up to the pressure of a multi-ton military vehicle sitting on top of it. Nice, military, but how about some REAL airless tires. I’m talking about hover wheels, bitches! I know that shit exists, we stole the technology from the aliens. GET OUT OF MY HEAD GOVERNMENT! Quick, somebody Reynolds Wrap me, STAT! Military testing out fancy new airless tires [dvice]

GummiLights are expensive rubber lamps designed to look like Gummi Bears . Unsurprisingly, I tried to eat one. Shocked? I was. I’ll be here all week folks, make sure to tip your waitstaff. These GummiLights are made of a translucent rubber and measure in at 7-inches tall. They’re illuminated by brightly glowing LEDs and come in a variety of candy-like colors, including red, orange, yellow, clear, blue, purple and pink. Each one is powered by rechargeable lithium batteries, and can run for about 20 hours on a charge. A single bear will set you back $125 or you can get a set of 5 for $500. But, if you want something that’ll really light up the night, you’re gonna need me. I’m so bright my parents call me son (I’m on a roll today, folks!). Also, “little shit” and “a terrible mistake”. Anybody want to adopt a GW? I spoon. gummi bear lamps are unfortunately not edible [technabob]

Sorry for the delay folks, I just got back from the doctor for a checkup. Yeah, and you know that whole ‘turn your head and cough bit’? Well, the doctor didn’t properly anticipate the weight of my nuts and broke his wrist. True story. Anyway, the Flybar is a ridiculously stupid looking pogo stick that allegedly bounces higher than a regular one. It does this using some seriously strong elastic bands known as rubber thrusters that increase the maximum bounce height to a whopping seven feet six inches. You can snag a Flybar of your own for a whopping $320. Pfft, forget the Flybar — I’ve got four-and-one-quarter inches of rubber thruster for you right here. *making humping motion* Anybody? Flybar is one seriously juiced up pogo stick [dvice]

NOTE: VIDEO IS PROBABLY NSFW DEPENDING ON HOW YOUR EMPLOYER FEELS ABOUT CONDOM ANIMALS HAVING SEX ALL OVER THE PLACE. This is a Durex commercial that may or not have made it to the air (certainly not in this country) that features arguably homosexual condom rabbits doing it. I kept waiting for one to pop until I realized you probably wouldn’t want to advertise that. Also, I would like to take this time to pat myself on the nuts for never getting that crazy bitch of an ex-wife pregnant. Knock knock. Who’s there? Not my child! Superfad Ad Agency (which has a couple outtakes to watch as well) Thanks to Skin & Bones, Jase, leftrightleft, and Julian, who, despite their vehement denials, have all used BBQ sauce as lube.