That’s right, would-be astronauts , you can forget about NASA ever sending you to the moon strapped to a giant rocket, cause that shit ain’t happening. Your only chance now is lassoing a moonicorn and barebacking that bitch to outerspace. Obama wants to end NASA’s moon program, turn over space transportation to commercial companies and jump-start technologies needed for future human exploration of Mars and other destinations, officials said on Monday. Obama’s budget ends work on the shuttle follow-on vehicle, known as Orion, as well as a pair of rockets developed to fly astronauts to the space station, the moon and other destinations in the solar system. Funds previously earmarked for the Constellation program, initially intended to return U.S. astronauts to the moon by 2020, instead would be used for research projects that include robotics and other technologies needed to prepare for an eventual human mission to Mars Privatizing space transportation? I don’t know how I feel about that besides GW’s ROCKET TOURS NOW TAKING RESERVATIONS!! Week long space trips start at $1million. Now I know what you’re thinking, “I bet the GW’s just gonna get me high and drop me off at Space Camp”. And that, my friend, is a safe bet. Obama axes NASA moon plan in new budget [msnbc] Thanks to FDSY, who will kick your ass into outerspace for a cool grand.

That’s right, would-be astronauts , you can forget about NASA ever sending you to the moon strapped to a giant rocket, cause that shit ain’t happening. Your only chance now is lassoing a moonicorn and barebacking that bitch to outerspace. Obama wants to end NASA’s moon program, turn over space transportation to commercial companies and jump-start technologies needed for future human exploration of Mars and other destinations, officials said on Monday. Obama’s budget ends work on the shuttle follow-on vehicle, known as Orion, as well as a pair of rockets developed to fly astronauts to the space station, the moon and other destinations in the solar system. Funds previously earmarked for the Constellation program, initially intended to return U.S. astronauts to the moon by 2020, instead would be used for research projects that include robotics and other technologies needed to prepare for an eventual human mission to Mars Privatizing space transportation? I don’t know how I feel about that besides GW’s ROCKET TOURS NOW TAKING RESERVATIONS!! Week long space trips start at $1million. Now I know what you’re thinking, “I bet the GW’s just gonna get me high and drop me off at Space Camp”. And that, my friend, is a safe bet. Obama axes NASA moon plan in new budget [msnbc] Thanks to FDSY, who will kick your ass into outerspace for a cool grand.

In the third installment of the Symphony of Science series comes ‘Our Place In The Cosmos’, a quartet of interplanetary song by Carl Sagan, Richard Dawkins, Michio Kaku and Robert Jastrow. This is definitely the “Barry White” song of the series so far, and there is no doubt in my mind you could make out with a legally blind woman to it. Also, do you think it’s just a coincidence the video is 4:20 long OR IS THE UNIVERSE TRYING TO TELL US SOMETHING? Pack the bong, STAT. I’m coming, God! Symphony of Science Project and Youtube Thanks to Jonathan and Kelly C., who once sang into a telescope thinking it was a giant mic.

NASA , an organization that has actually convinced itself they put men on the moon despite it being all staged in Hollywood, is now testing a new rocket . The phallic booster is the first new design to come out of agency since 1981. Which, incidentally, is the year I was born. What does all this mean? I’m 28! The rocket is Ares I-X — a suborbital prototype for the Ares I rocket NASA plans to use to launch its shuttle successor, the Orion spacecraft. Currently the world’s tallest booster, the Ares I-X rolled out to the launch pad early Tuesday and is slated to blast off Oct. 27 at 8 a.m. EDT (1200 GMT) on a short demonstration flight. “The Ares I-X is going to fly straight up and straight out,” said NASA commentator George Diller as the 327-foot (100-meter) tall rocket began moving toward Launch Pad 39B at the Kennedy Space Center in Florida. “During that time we’ll be testing the stage separation to determine how well the first stage separation motors perform, as well as the performance of the booster itself, namely the parachutes and other apparatus that will deploy.” The $445 million rocket’s rollout comes on the eve of a final report from an independent committee appointed by the White House to review NASA’s plans for future human spaceflight. You want me to tell you about the future of human spaceflight? Cause it goes like this: The Geekologie Writer builds a rocketship in the shed behind his house and blasts himself into the sun. Everyone is so sad rockets are banned for ever. Then everybody dies because you couldn’t colonize Mars. The end. NASA Unveils Ares 1-X Rocket for Historic Test Flight [foxnews] Thanks to joseph, who tied his little brother to a bunch of fireworks and was just about to light the fuse when his mom caught him and yelled at him for having matches.

So apparently one of Jupiter’s moons , Europa, might have enough oxygen to support life . Well that’s cool BECAUSE I’M TOTALLY MOVING THERE. Who’s with me? You better shower ! The global ocean on Jupiter’s moon Europa contains about twice the liquid water of all the Earth’s oceans combined. New research suggests that there may be plenty of oxygen available in that ocean to support life, a hundred times more oxygen than previously estimated. The chances for life there have been uncertain, because Europa’s ocean lies beneath several miles of ice, which separates it from the production of oxygen at the surface by energetic charged particles (similar to cosmic rays). Without oxygen, life could conceivably exist at hot springs in the ocean floor using exotic metabolic chemistries, based on sulfur or the production of methane. However, it is not certain whether the ocean floor actually would provide the conditions for such life. Hell yeah, Europa — I’ve always wanted to visit Holland! Do they really wear those wooden shoes? Jupiter’s Moon Europa Has Enough Oxygen For Life [physorg] Thanks to Kelly, who can come with me provided she steer the spaceship while I get drunk and puke out a porthole.

Michael Jackson, donning his last piece of flair (possibly a Bedazzled glove), will be buried in a 14-karat gold coffin only befitting of a king (of pop. Alternatively, Neverland). The $25,000 container from Batesville Casket Company (”because every family deserves a Batesville”) is made of solid bronze, plated with 14-karat gold, and polished to a mirror finish. It’s the same model in which James Brown was buried. No question about it, it’ll be the fanciest coffin in the graveyard. You know, when I go I want to be buried in my rocketship. And by buried I mean launched into the sun. And by “when I go” I mean I’m pushing the button now. I’M OUT BITCHES, PEACE! Michael Jackson to be buried in 14-karat gold coffin [dvice]

This is the $29 Haynes Owners’ Workshop Manual for all the vehicles and equipment used during the Apollo 11 mission to the moon . I’m still gonna pick up a copy, despite deciding to build my own rocketship for scratch (I’m hoping for pointers on seducing moon-women). On 20 July 1969, US astronaut Neil Armstrong became the first man to walk on the moon. This is the story of the Apollo 11 mission and the ’space hardware’ that made it all possible. This manual looks at the evolution and design of the mighty Saturn V rocket, the Command and Service Modules, and the Lunar Module. It describes the space suits worn by the crew and their special life support and communications systems. There you have it, everything you need to know about how to fly a mission to the moon 40 years ago. Of course, things have changed since then. Namely, US women now have the right to vote. Yeah, and we haven’t sent anyone else to the moon in 37 years. Coincidence, or should women not be allowed to drive? You decide. Product Site via NASA Apollo 11 Service Manual From Haynes [ohgizmo]

We’ve already seen God’s hand , God’s eye and the Eye of Sauron , so why not another cosmic ball of eye? This here is the latest in a batch of images from the Hubble Space Bubblescope of planetary nebula Knockout 4-55. Blah, blah, blah, Punch-Out post tie-in. I AM THE L337 BLOGGAR! Planetary nebulas have nothing to do with planets. They were named so because in early telescopes, they had the fuzzy look of planets in our outer solar system. In fact planetary nebulas sit throughout our galaxy. This one contains the outer layers of a red giant star that were expelled into interstellar space when the star was in the late stages of its life. Ultraviolet radiation emitted from the remaining hot core of the star ionizes the ejected gas shells, causing them to glow. In the specific case of K 4-55, a bright inner ring is surrounded by a bipolar structure. The entire system is then surrounded by a faint red halo, seen in the emission by nitrogen gas. This multi-shell structure is fairly uncommon in planetary nebulae. BOOM, YOU DIDN’T EVEN KNOW YOU WAS GETTING ASTRONOMY LESSONED! Now, for your astrology lesson: it’s all bullshit. Also, you will make decisions soon. NO I AM NOT HIGH. Tell me, if eyes are the windows to one’s soul, is a cosmic eye THE WINDOW TO ANOTHER DIMENSION?! And, if so, is there a dinosaur park there? ZOMG — quick, tie me to this rocket engine! Hubble Photographs Giant Eye in Space [yahoonews] Thanks to Watch-303, who may or may not be operating out of Boulder/Denver region.

Earth Day Fools! Oh, wait, no. Apparently this is real , and only 20.5 light-years away! Ladies and gentlemen — start your rocket engines . PSSSSHOOOOOOOOW! PEW PEW. The Gliese 581 planetary system now has four known planets, with masses of about 1.9 (planet e, left in the foreground), 16 (planet b, nearest to the star), 5 (planet c, center), and 7 Earth-masses (planet d, with the bluish colour). Michel Mayor, a well-known exoplanet researcher from the Geneva Observatory, announced the find today. The planet, “e,” in the famous system Gliese 581, is only about twice the mass of our Earth. The team also refined the orbit of the planet Gliese 581 d, first discovered in 2007, placing it well within the habitable zone, where liquid water oceans could exist. Planet Gliese 581 d, is that really the best they could do? GIVE IT A REAL DAMN NAME ALREADY. I propose Waterworld . And speaking of which, that was a hell of a movie, was it not? Oh, I’m getting a “no” from The IWatchStuff Writer . But he had gills, man, gills ! Nearly Earth-sized Planet, Possible Watery World Spotted Near Another Star [universetoday] Thanks to Morgana, who, for an Earth-related tip on Earth Day, wins a free trip to Gliese 581 d, just as soon I finish my rocketship.

I did absolutely zero research to determine if this 36-foot tall, 1,600lb model rocket built by Steve Eves is, in fact, the largest ever , but that’s only because I’ve already won numerous prizes for investigative journalism and figured I’d give somebody else a chance. I jest — I’m just stoned to bejesus. The mini-Saturn V is powered by nine rocket motors including 8 13,000ns N-Class motors and a single 77,000ns P-Class motor. The single stage flight should reach an altitude somewhere between 3,000 and 4,000 feet, and at apogee the rocket will separate into three parts and return to Earth via the assistance of various parachutes. In the end Eves estimates he’s invested about 1,500 hours into the project with a total budget of around $25,000, though that will actually be covered by various sponsors come the April 25th launch event. Nice. Reminds me of the time at Space Camp we built model rockets and launched them off with crickets as payload. I remember my cricket (Chirpy McHandicapped) only had one back leg. Well, before liftoff. After liftoff he had one back leg on fire . R.I.P. Chirpy, say hi to Space Bat for me. Largest Model Rocket In History Is 36 Feet Tall, Weighs Over 1,600 Pounds [ohgizmo] Thanks to Stephen, who once put a rocket’s fin on crooked and the rocket went all crazy like PPSSSSHOOWWOWOWOWWOWWSSSSSSSS *pop*