The Micro S’mores machine is a piece of shit designed for cooking s’mores in the microwave . The secret is its “Core Fusion Technology” which is a jargonical (word wizardry!) way of saying it has a plunger that pushes the marshmallow down as it gets gooey. You get two of them for $20, plus shipping and handling. Now, as a guy who’s been making s’mores in the microwave since middle school, I’ll admit a little downward pressure while the s’mores cook is key to a good turnout. So here’s what you do: break off the safety latch that prevents you from cooking with the microwave door open . You’ll be able to stir things too! Hit the jump for a ridiculous commercial.

If there’s one thing old people love it’s soft food. If there’s another it’s stuff with giant-ass buttons so they can push the right one with their shaky, arthritic fingers . Aaaaaand I’ve officially depressed myself. Good times. Anyway, this is a cell phone for old people and people with fat fingers. Or, as we like to call them in the hand modeling biz , Vienna digits. The 6380 Senior Mobile Phone ($75 USD) does actually have a few handy features, including a built in flashlight, and a giant “SOS” button on the back that can automatically dial a pre-set emergency number, and emit a loud warning alarm. It’s also got a minimal display with large on-screen fonts, and a whopping 128×60 screen resolution. I kind of want one. Not that I have fat fingers, because I don’t. I’m just clumsy. One time I tried to order a pizza and ended up spending an hour on a phone sex line. YES I WANT PEPPERONI ON THAT! Hit the jump for two more shots of the latest in geriatric communication technology.

If there’s one thing old people love it’s soft food. If there’s another it’s stuff with giant-ass buttons so they can push the right one with their shaky, arthritic fingers . Aaaaaand I’ve officially depressed myself. Good times. Anyway, this is a cell phone for old people and people with fat fingers. Or, as we like to call them in the hand modeling biz , Vienna digits. The 6380 Senior Mobile Phone ($75 USD) does actually have a few handy features, including a built in flashlight, and a giant “SOS” button on the back that can automatically dial a pre-set emergency number, and emit a loud warning alarm. It’s also got a minimal display with large on-screen fonts, and a whopping 128×60 screen resolution. I kind of want one. Not that I have fat fingers, because I don’t. I’m just clumsy. One time I tried to order a pizza and ended up spending an hour on a phone sex line. YES I WANT PEPPERONI ON THAT! Hit the jump for two more shots of the latest in geriatric communication technology.

I honestly thought novelty phones went out of style when people stopped using land lines, but hey, maybe your grandparents want a damn skull phone . That’s cool. Just don’t let them get on the interwebs lest they hand their life savings over to a Nigerian prince. Anyway, the $25 Thriller Skull Phone from Brando is available in white and metallic copper finishes and has blue LED eyes that light up when the phone is ringing. Sadly, it’s not even cordless. WHO THE HELL STILL USES CORDED PHONES? Fun fact: I saw a payphone the other day. Did you know we still had those? Me neither. There was a hooker standing nearby and everything. brando’s thriller skull phone: so this is what happened to skeletor [technabob] Thanks to FDSY and cakey, who make all their calls the old fashioned way: by yelling.

This is the new PSP . It’s called the PSP Go . You know, because it’s portable. It may or may not come preloaded with porn . Specs? I has them: * 3.8-inch display (resolution is undisclosed) * 43 percent lighter than the PSP-3000 * 16GB of Flash storage * Bluetooth built-in; supports handset tethering and BT headsets * No UMD drive * Memory Stick Micro slot * New Gran Turismo, Little Big Planet and new Metal Gear Solid (!) on the way * Full PlayStation Network support (movie and TV rentals / purchases) * Integration with PlayStation 3 (works the same as the PSP-3000 does) * Sony views each of its products as “10-year lifecycle products,” so the PSP “needs to live on.” Well, what do you think? I like the sliding feature, that’s not necessary. Also, PSP Go — really? I hope nobody got paid to come up with that. Because it’s stupid. I would have gone with PSP You Can Take It With You . Sony’s PSP Go leaks out before E3, is obviously a go [engadget] Thanks to obi jwan and Rik, who don’t need portable gaming devices because they only play mind games.

WOOT — a product review. I took the Clarion MiND to find the grave of F. Scott Fitzgerald and then, in his honor, to the bar. Hit the jump to find out how it all went down.