Flickr user rediv (aka Alan M) went and made himself some sexy LEGO fembots . Why? I dunno, he’s sick in the head or something. Or maybe he just needs somebody to talk to (get a fish , God!). Isn’t that right, Mr. Tickles? You’re my friend, aren’t you? Mr. Tickles? MR. TICKLES? OKAY, WHO THE F*** FED MY FISH AN OMELET?! Hit the jump for a couple other shots, including an ass one, because you have issues.

The Pooch Power Shovel (the quicker, shittier picker-upper ) may look like a leaf blower, but it’s not. It’s also not anything I’d recommend you trying to attach to your genitals, but you know what? Go for it. I’m tired of mothering you. And, honestly, I’m looking forward to the 911 call being leaked. The cordless Pooch Power Shovel sucks the waste directly into specially designed plastic bags making them easy to dispose of (up to 150 on a single charge) and at first glance you might think the clear plastic tube provides an unpleasant view of the business being dealt with, but when used properly the waste apparently never touches the machine or your hands. At $99.50 from Frontgate it’s easily the most expensive pet poo solution I’ve seen, short of hiring someone else to do it, and the refill bags will set you back an additional $19.50 for 50 or $35.50 for 100. It doesn’t seem like that big a piece of crap(!) if you’re only gonna use it in your backyard (I’d still just set the mower as low as it’ll go and shoot shit everywhere), but I’d never carry this thing on a walk. Of course, I said the same thing when they came out with 500lb dumbbells…. Pooch Power Shovel Vacuums Up Poo, Not Small Yap Dogs [ohgizmo]

This is a giant Alien queen statue made out of scrap metal . She’s scary as hell and will give you the worst kind of STD if you try making love to her: penis tetanus . NO LOCKBALLS FOR ME THANK YOU VERY MUCH! The recycled sculpture is an assembly of over 4000 individual parts, who prior to being consolidated into this sculpture where constituent elements of automobiles, boats, televisions and basically anything that had steel worth recycling and weighing in at 550kg (1,210 lbs) and standing tall at 2.4m (7′10″) this alien queen will definitely make her presence felt anywhere she goes. With all this intricate detailing and ingenuity put into this design it’s no surprise that the sculpture sells for €4500 (~$6,100), which is pretty reasonable for a work of art of this calibour. You know what — maybe I was being too harsh. I think I’ll take the scrap queen out for a date after all. STRAIGHT TO THE RECYCLING CENTER! You gonna make me rich, queeny! Hit the jump for several more of the no thank you.

As many of you may know, I’m a master of the crane game (picture proof of some of my winnings after the jump — even the bullwhip), so I have no interest in Robo Catcher. Robo Catcher is an arcade prize game in which you control a little robot . The goal is to pick up a (crumpled paper filled) prize-ball and drop it down a chute. Simple, right? Not with a cheating-ass robot in the mix! Plus, the machine costs $11,000! Now I’m not saying I can think of at least a hundred better versions of the prize game, but I can. At least 200 of which involve controlling a stray cat….WITH LASERS. Plus you win kittens! I know, I know, I’m a genius. Hit the jump for a full shot of the machine, a picture of my crane-game winnings, and two videos of the robo-bastard cheating kids out of prizes.

I’ve Chatrouletted long enough to know nothing good is gonna come out of it. That was six seconds. Just long enough to try to take a reasonable screenshot while I was writing a post about it , seeing a man’s penis, and marking the website as unsafe in my internet browser. Anyway, this is funny Chatroulette picture and pretty much exemplifies what you can expect when signing on. Don’t even bother if you’re hoping for anything better. Although I did see a naked lady once. Well, a picture of one anyways. Right before the guy pulled it away from the webcam and exposed himself. Like I said, six seconds. Picture Thanks to Amber, who knows better than to Chatroulette after dark. Or anytime for that matter.

Looking to make a statement? A shiny statement that’ll probably blind me while I’m trying to drive? Don’t think I won’t crash into you. I will crash into you . And you won’t get a penny of my insurance money. Namely because I don’t have any. Haha, what do you mean that’s illegal in my state? You’re illegal in my state! Wanna Join My Transformers Street Gang? [gizmodo] Thanks to emerica, who I just realized is a female despite the fact I’ve been referring to her as a guy forever. Sorry about that.

Looking to make a statement? A shiny statement that’ll probably blind me while I’m trying to drive? Don’t think I won’t crash into you. I will crash into you . And you won’t get a penny of my insurance money. Namely because I don’t have any. Haha, what do you mean that’s illegal in my state? You’re illegal in my state! Wanna Join My Transformers Street Gang? [gizmodo] Thanks to emerica, who I just realized is a female despite the fact I’ve been referring to her as a guy forever. Sorry about that.

From the ‘There’s No Way F***ing Way This is Actually A Real Product , Please God Tell Me This Is A Fake Commercial ‘ department comes the Hug E Gram, by far the biggest piece of shit I’ve seen in recent history (and I stepped in Bigfoot scat hiking over the weekend). The patent pending Hug-E-Gram consists of two soft plush cotton arms with cartoon hands that are held together by an elastic band. They are stuffed with a polyester fiber to create a soft and cuddly hug giving a heartwarming feeling. Each arm is 32 inches in length and the Hug-E-Gram is held in place with velcro strips so that one size will fit all. Even when you can’t be with them, they can still experience your loving embrace. The Hug E Gram is the warmest, most personal gift you can share. “The warmest, most personal gift you can share”? Really? Because I’m pretty sure I’ve already got that, and it makes it burn when I urinate. Also, do you have to buy two if your special someone is , how should we say, larger ? Because I refuse. Wrap it around your leg, God. Official Site Thanks to Jenny, who’s sticking to real hugs.

The undeniable pinnacle of computer peripherals , the Fast Fingers keyboard is a $20 example of the opposite of that. It does allow you to choose between a standard ASDF keyboard layout and an alphabetically ordered one though. But is that all? NO SIR, BECAUSE IF YOU ORDER IN THE NEXT 15-MINUTES I’LL THROW IN THE ABILITY TO ACTIVE 12 DIFFERENT HOTKEYS TO TYPE THINGS LIKE ‘ASAP’, ‘CYA’, ‘THX’, ‘THC’, ‘PCP’, ‘YOUDOWNWITHOPP?’ and ‘YEAHYOUKNOWME’. Well hotdog and coldcat my friends this sounds like an unbelievable deal! Can you tell I belong on QVC? Because I do. Also on the front of $3 bills. Hit the jump for a couple more shots of the — now where’s my ‘POS’ button?

The undeniable pinnacle of computer peripherals , the Fast Fingers keyboard is a $20 example of the opposite of that. It does allow you to choose between a standard ASDF keyboard layout and an alphabetically ordered one though. But is that all? NO SIR, BECAUSE IF YOU ORDER IN THE NEXT 15-MINUTES I’LL THROW IN THE ABILITY TO ACTIVE 12 DIFFERENT HOTKEYS TO TYPE THINGS LIKE ‘ASAP’, ‘CYA’, ‘THX’, ‘THC’, ‘PCP’, ‘YOUDOWNWITHOPP?’ and ‘YEAHYOUKNOWME’. Well hotdog and coldcat my friends this sounds like an unbelievable deal! Can you tell I belong on QVC? Because I do. Also on the front of $3 bills. Hit the jump for a couple more shots of the — now where’s my ‘POS’ button?