I don’t know if you could tell by the title but I was implying that I would tear that robotic bastard limb from limb right there in aisle four between the baby food and Maxi-Pads . Ain’t no robot handling these eggs! The robotic assistant — an advanced version of the Robovie-II android developed by Advanced Telecommunications Research Institute International (ATR) — is the centerpiece of a networked system of robots, sensors and digital technology designed to make shopping more convenient and entertaining for the elderly. In the video above, which shows part of a test conducted on December 10, the child-sized robot accompanies a 67-year-old woman while she shops for mandarin oranges and broccoli. In addition to carrying the woman’s shopping basket, the robot reminds her to get the mandarin oranges, recommends the apples (which the robot says are delicious this season), reminds her to get the broccoli, and suggests including lettuce in her salad along with the broccoli. On several occasions, the robot remarks on how delicious the items look. That’s ridiculous. Who the hell’s gonna buy something BECAUSE A FREAKIN’ ROBOT TELLS YOU IT LOOKS DELICIOUS? Oh, right . DAMNIT OLD PEOPLE! I hope you like drain cleaner in your cereal. Hit the jump for the video of the poisoner in action.

Honestly, I bet the old lady ran right into the side of the thing (old ladies are notoriously bad bike riders. *ahem* Grandma — I saw you hit that bus shelter!). There’s a before shot after the jump, but unfortunately the above image has since been removed from Google Maps . I smell conspiracy. I mean, it’s not like the old lady asked to have have it removed . Old people using computers — HA! They’re better at avoiding fire trucks! Hit it for the before shot and a link to the action area.

If there’s one thing old people love it’s soft food. If there’s another it’s stuff with giant-ass buttons so they can push the right one with their shaky, arthritic fingers . Aaaaaand I’ve officially depressed myself. Good times. Anyway, this is a cell phone for old people and people with fat fingers. Or, as we like to call them in the hand modeling biz , Vienna digits. The 6380 Senior Mobile Phone ($75 USD) does actually have a few handy features, including a built in flashlight, and a giant “SOS” button on the back that can automatically dial a pre-set emergency number, and emit a loud warning alarm. It’s also got a minimal display with large on-screen fonts, and a whopping 128×60 screen resolution. I kind of want one. Not that I have fat fingers, because I don’t. I’m just clumsy. One time I tried to order a pizza and ended up spending an hour on a phone sex line. YES I WANT PEPPERONI ON THAT! Hit the jump for two more shots of the latest in geriatric communication technology.

If there’s one thing old people love it’s soft food. If there’s another it’s stuff with giant-ass buttons so they can push the right one with their shaky, arthritic fingers . Aaaaaand I’ve officially depressed myself. Good times. Anyway, this is a cell phone for old people and people with fat fingers. Or, as we like to call them in the hand modeling biz , Vienna digits. The 6380 Senior Mobile Phone ($75 USD) does actually have a few handy features, including a built in flashlight, and a giant “SOS” button on the back that can automatically dial a pre-set emergency number, and emit a loud warning alarm. It’s also got a minimal display with large on-screen fonts, and a whopping 128×60 screen resolution. I kind of want one. Not that I have fat fingers, because I don’t. I’m just clumsy. One time I tried to order a pizza and ended up spending an hour on a phone sex line. YES I WANT PEPPERONI ON THAT! Hit the jump for two more shots of the latest in geriatric communication technology.

This is a video of the infamous WoW freakout kid arguing with his grandmother, who’s been sent over to watch him and his brother for the weekend. Now I really wanted to believe that these videos are real, but this one’s the nail in the coffin for being fake. And not just because octogenarians are notoriously bad actresses (and will shit themselves on set), but she actually references him trying to jam the tv remote up his ass. Now I know how you’re feeling, and yes, it’s like Santa isn’t real all over again. Tough Granny Teaches Grandson a Lesson [break] Thanks to Adam, who plays BINGO with his grandma on Tuesday nights and she always has him sneak a bottle of booze in. Fun lady!

The Veda International Robot Research and Development Centre (in Japan, of course) is hard at work developing a wheelchair for all the aging fogies in the country. And this is it, the Rodem. It’s being touted as the wheelchair of the future. Pfft, I’ll believe it when my grandpa has one. Isn’t that right, gramps? I SAID, “ISN’T THAT RIGHT, GRAMPS?!” Right now Rodem isn’t much of a robot, but the people at Veda still want to add more features to the not-wheelchair; for example, Tmsuk president Yoichi Takamoto said, “…we could add a new function so it comes to your bedside when you call.” Hmm, I’m not sure how I feel about a wheelchair with robotic features. Yes I do — I don’t like it. No, the only improvements of the current wheelchair we need are an air horn and naked lady mudflaps. Now those would really put the whee in wheelchair — am I right, gramps? I’m over here, you’re talking to a chair. Now drink your juicebox and tell me where you buried the money. Hit the jump for a shot of some poor bastard with a broken leg toting his own hospital bed around with the thing.

This is a little gallery of superheroes past their prime. They were all drawn by Italian artist Donald Soffritti and made me sadder than hell. You know, because they got me thinking about growing old and shit. Too profound for you? I’m deeper than an ocean trench. Hit the jump for some of my favorites, then the link for a whole bunch more.

Just in case you were wondering, the police will tase your 72-year old grandma . You hear that, members of the geriatric species? YOU ARE NOT EXEMPT FROM THE ZAPPERY! Also, does the officer really yell “TASERED!” as he’s doing it? Because that’s awesome. I’m gonna start doing that. POSTED! LEAVE A COMMENT — LEAVE A COMMENT!! Youtube Thanks to Watch-303, alex, double dragon, The Naked Wizard and Beth, who would have torn the electrodes out and flown off on their jetpacks like superheroes.

KISS frontman Gene Simmons has always had a desperate need for attention! He wants you to look at him so badly, he’ll even let you pee on him!!!! That’s right! Urinal cakes bearing the image of the hasbeen have been spotted all over NYC bathrooms!! It gets worse!! According to reports , some cakes even talked! Probably spouting remarks about the size of your Family Jewels ! Too bad the picture of Simmons wasn’t from his open mouthed KISS days!!!!

Since his breakup with The Girls Next Door , Hugh Hefner has found three new platinum blonde girlfriends. There is only one problem. He can’t tell them apart!!!! Hef’s new girls include 19-year-old twins Karissa and Kristina Shannon along with identical looking 22-year-old Crystal Harris . They should do a Doublemint commercial where they stick the gum…forget it! “I have one little trick, one has a little mark,” Hef said, motioning to his neck. “Other than that, I don’t know.” As much as this grosses us out, it probably doesn’t matter to him!!! We’d be surprised if the 83-year-old remembered what he had for breakfast, let alone the identity of his sluts girlfriends! [ Image via WENN .]