For over three years the promise of a Smurfs movie has loomed over us, an approaching blue storm cloud that just won’t seem to let lose its deluge of mediocrity. As it’s grown closer, we’ve been able to make out more details–that it will mix live-action and CGI , that there will be more Lady-Smurfs , that Jonathan Winters is both alive and providing the voice of Papa Smurf –but one crucial item remained unknown: who would be the likable actor who would completely though somewhat understandably sell themselves out and allow their face to poke out of this shitpile just for a check? Now we know. According to Deadline Hollywood , Neil Patrick Harris, the man who has somehow managed to fight off the stigma of being only gay and Doogie Howser and become one of the most well-liked comic actors working, will play the Jason Lee character in this blue-tinted Alvin and the Chipmunks . And I just lost all the money I had riding on John Krasinski.

Jordan Verner is blind . And he posted a few videos of himself playing through parts of The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time on Youtube. But he wanted more, he wanted to beat the whole game . Thankfully, Roy Williams saw his videos. Through Skype, Jordan said he asked for help in completing the entire game — help that he didn’t seriously expect. So Williams and thee other diehard gamers each took different parts and copied down every single move. “Every time we make a move, we roll, jump, do anything, we type down on the computer exactly what we’re doing,” said Williams. Verner would then take the script and have his computer read it to him as he played. An average gamer will take about a week to play through the entire thing, but this project took almost 2 years and more than 100,000 keystrokes. Finally, Jordan beat the entire thing. “I felt great,” said Jordan. “I felt strong. I felt like the sky’s the limit.” “Our school’s motto — and I live by it — is the impossible is only the untried,” said Jordan. First of all, HOW THE F*** DID YOU GET PAST THE WATER TEMPLE?! And secondly, is that not the most beautiful thing you’ve ever heard? Because it is to me and I’ve heard angels sing ‘Alice’s Restaurant’ with full orchestration and five-part harmony and stuff like that. Hit the jump for a worthwhile video news report about the project.

You know, thinking about it, Hollywood’s big cash-in on ’80s nostalgia has really been unfair. Sure, my pleasant childhood memories of manufactured pop culture are being hauled out, polished, and built into both familiar and entirely unfamiliar feature films, but what about previous generations? For every 30-year-old guy complaining that a movie about robots that can turn into cars didn’t live up to his standards, there’s a guy nearing retirement saying, “What’s a Tranformer?” They can only bitch about how bad that Joey/Party of Five Lost in Space was for so long. Well, here’s something new to complain about, Dad: The seven castaways of “Gilligan’s Island” have found a home at Warner Bros. and Atlas Entertainment. The studio and production company have begun development on a feature film based on the iconic CBS sitcom. Plans are for a contempo take on the well-known premise and characters, with the studio and the Schwartzes’ blessing Copeland’s initial idea for the screenplay. Roven told Daily Variety that he’s hoping to start production as early as next year but won’t move forward on seeking a director or cast until Copeland’s script is completed. “The characters are so good,” Roven added. “We think it’s going to be a great story to transport these cultural icons to the modern day.” A “contempo take.” So, instead of the Professor building a radio out of a coconut, he’ll build the internet. Out of a coconut. And the entire thing, from boarding to shipwreck to rescue, will be done in less time than the initial three-hour tour. I don’t see how this can go wrong.

Topeka, Kansas , best known for renaming itself Google this week in a bid to be Google’s fiber optic network test market , renamed itself Google this week in a bid to be Google’s fiber optic test market. In a formal proclamation Monday, [Mayor Bill] Bunten announced his city will be known as “Google” — Google, Kansas. “It’s just fun. We’re having a good time of it,” he said of the unofficial name change, which will last through the end of March. “There’s a lot of good things that are going on in our city.” The unusual move comes as several U.S. cities elbow for a spot in Google’s new “Fiber for Communities” program. The Web giant is going to install new Internet connections in unannounced locations, giving those communities Internet speeds 100 times faster than those elsewhere, with data transfer rates faster than 1 gigabit per second. Way to put yourself on the map, Topeka. Which, fun fact: did you know Topeka means “to dig good potatoes” in the language of the Kansa and Ioway Native American tribes? Now guess where Kansas and Iowa got their names. I’m learning you all kinda shit today! Topeka ‘renames’ itself ‘Google, Kansas’ [cnn] Thanks to Greg, Shea, Fally and Wesley J, who should just cut the crap and rename themselves Awesome.

Missile Command and Asteroids are already needlessly headed to cinemas as soon as producers figure out why there would be a Missile Command or Asteroids movie. It only makes sense Space Invaders too should be given a confusing chance at movie stardom. The LA Times says Warner Bros. is in negotiations with Taito, the original Japanese manufacturer, to acquire the film rights to crudely-drawn aliens descending along a two-dimensional plane, finally giving mankind the chance to see a film about alien invaders from space. This has been a long time coming to the world of science fiction, which thus far has had to avoid that basic concept because of copyrights. Or so I assume, because otherwise, why would anyone bother buying the movie rights to Space Invaders ? Particularly when the 1990 sci-fi comedy Spaced Invaders tells us you can make a movie about space invaders and literally just add a single letter to the title to avoid lawsuit. Thanks, but I’ll stick with Futurama for my Space Invaders entertainment needs:

I’m afraid you’re going to have to amend your I’m with Cancer mural. The film, which began shooting last month in Vancouver, has lost star James McAvoy and replaced him with another actor from the stable of decent young actors who aren’t so manly as to be unrelatable to we timorous weaklings, Joseph Gordon-Levitt (sorry, maybe next time, Elijah). Producer/co-star Seth Rogen released a statement to MTV regarding the actor’s departure from the 20-something-writer-battle-cancer tale: It’s incredibly unfortunate that circumstances outside of everyone’s control have taken James away from the project, but, with James’s blessing, we were able to have Joseph step in to take on the [lead] role of Adam. We all look forward to working with James in the future. Nice try with the “unfortunate that circumstances outside of everyone’s control” thing, Seth, but we know how these things work. It’s never outside of everyone’s control. What’s the real story? Does James McAvoy not believe in cancer?

I’m afraid you’re going to have to amend your I’m with Cancer mural. The film, which began shooting last month in Vancouver, has lost star James McAvoy and replaced him with another actor from the stable of decent young actors who aren’t so manly as to be unrelatable to we timorous weaklings, Joseph Gordon-Levitt (sorry, maybe next time, Elijah). Producer/co-star Seth Rogen released a statement to MTV regarding the actor’s departure from the 20-something-writer-battle-cancer tale: It’s incredibly unfortunate that circumstances outside of everyone’s control have taken James away from the project, but, with James’s blessing, we were able to have Joseph step in to take on the [lead] role of Adam. We all look forward to working with James in the future. Nice try with the “unfortunate that circumstances outside of everyone’s control” thing, Seth, but we know how these things work. It’s never outside of everyone’s control. What’s the real story? Does James McAvoy not believe in cancer?

I’m afraid you’re going to have to amend your I’m with Cancer mural. The film, which began shooting last month in Vancouver, has lost star James McAvoy and replaced him with another actor from the stable of decent young actors who aren’t so manly as to be unrelatable to we timorous weaklings, Joseph Gordon-Levitt (sorry, maybe next time, Elijah). Producer/co-star Seth Rogen released a statement to MTV regarding the actor’s departure from the 20-something-writer-battle-cancer tale: It’s incredibly unfortunate that circumstances outside of everyone’s control have taken James away from the project, but, with James’s blessing, we were able to have Joseph step in to take on the [lead] role of Adam. We all look forward to working with James in the future. Nice try with the “unfortunate that circumstances outside of everyone’s control” thing, Seth, but we know how these things work. It’s never outside of everyone’s control. What’s the real story? Does James McAvoy not believe in cancer?

With her last several films returning less-than-stellar box office (you will never think of The Invasion again after just now), Nicole Kidman has decided to take the grim path of the safe, broad romantic comedy. Vulture has news she’ll be taking the lead in the Wedding Planner -y new film The Wedding Doctor , which will see the pale actress as a pre-marriage relationship analyst who decides SHE’D make a better bride for one particular client, starting a war against his fiancée. Ut-ohhhhhhh! With Kristen Wiig’s Bride Wars -esque project also in development, that’s already TWO wedding feud movies en route in the coming year, ladies! And it’s only March! I know a certain gender that’s going to have SO many movies reminding them of the fragility of their lives–that their career and friendships are balanced ever so precariously, ready to collapse at the first scent of wedding cake frosting. If we continue at this rate, I predict we’ll hear about Jennifer Aniston in I Want a Husband! and Katherine Heigl in Oh Fuck, Someone’s Marryin’! by the end of spring.

Curious about what’s going on with that Zoolander sequel we heard about last week ? Yeah, neither am I. Zoolander is a decade old and I’d pretty much forgotten about the movie and character entirely until a few days ago. It turns out that’s the plan for the new movie, too: We have a new story idea that we feel excited about and we’re going to try to go forward,” [Stiller] said. “The beginning of the movie is [set]… 10 years later, and Derek & Hansel are literally forgotten. Nobody even knows who they are, so they have to re-invent themselves.” Clever, Stiller. But was there any difficulty for you in coming back to making that stupid face after all this time? “Well I think it has to be [a 'Zoolander' for a new generation],” Stiller explained. The biggest roadblock for Stiller’s return to the character has been the absence of its creator. “The tough thing over the years has just been that Drake Sather, who created the character, is not around anymore,” he explained. Sather, a former “Saturday Night Live” and “Dennis Miller Show” writer, died in 2004 in an apparent suicide. “For a long time that was, for me, that hardest thing to figure out how to move forward through.” That’s nice. Drake Sather’s soul can rest well knowing it took a few years before Ben Stiller decided, fuck it, I’ll just make another Zoolander movie anyway. What, are we going to abandon every premise as soon as its creator tragic kills themselves? Then what would we do when the Night at the Museum guy realizes the monster he’s created and eats a bullet, stop making them? Preposterous. This generation needs its Zoolander . Every generation needs its Zoolander .