NASA, in a covert attempt to mine Martian cheese , wants to send scientists to the moon in the form of avatars, just like in the movie by the same! ( Avatar , not Martian cheese — although that shit has blockbuster written all over it too). NASA can put humanoids on the Moon in just 1000 days. They would be controlled by scientists on Earth using motion capture suits, giving them the feeling of being on the lunar surface. The 1000-day mark is quite plausible, since the mission would be a lot simpler than a human-based one. It will also be quite cheaper than the real thing. First, you don’t have to care about life support systems, which will make spacecraft manufacturing a lot less complex. The whole system would also weight a lot less, reducing the need for the development of a huge rocket, and again reducing the costs. Ha, I love how in the robot in the video stares at his fingers for a full minute like, “holy shit, what the f*** are these?!” Great programming, NASA. And, hypothetically, if my avatar decided to get drunk on moon juice and chase some alien snizz, would I single-handedly restore interest in outerspace and save NASA from the brink of funding collapse? Yes, I would. AND YOU BETTER RENAME A PLANET AFTER ME. NASA Project M Puts Scientists’ Avatars On the Moon [gizmodo]

The last scheduled night launch of a space shuttle (besides mine) went down early this morning, and carried a very important payload. A pickle jar full of my sperms? No. A viewing portal to be attached to the International Space Station (sorry for getting your hopes up, aliens). On board Endeavor (STS-130) is Cupola , a relatively huge bay window to be attached to the International Space Station (ISS) that will give astronauts the most magnificent view ever seen from space (short of taking a spacewalk). Expect great pictures from this 1.6-ton behemoth — it’s 9.7 feet wide and 5 feet long with seven windows all around, including a 31.5-inch circular window, the largest ever flown into space. Hey, that’s cool too. Why start a colony of alien GW’s when you can take pretty pictures of earth? Besides every good reason you could possibly think of, including, wait — I wouldn’t have to pay child support for all them freaky alien kids, would I? Because I’ll fight that shit all the way to the Supreme Court Maury. I AM NOT THE FATHER. Shuttle’s final night launch lifts largest window ever into orbit [dvice]

I hate to start wild speculation, and I’m by no means one of those foil-hat asshats (industrial-grade aluminum all the way, baby), but this is a picture of an alien spacecraft . Per NASA cover up : …what Hubble saw indicates that P/2010 A2 is unlike any object ever seen before. At first glance, the object appears to have the tail of a comet. Close inspection, however, shows a 140-meter nucleus offset from the tail center, very unusual structure near the nucleus, and no discernable gas in the tail. Knowing that the object orbits in the asteroid belt between Mars and Jupiter, a preliminary hypothesis that appears to explain all of the known clues is that P/2010 A2 is the debris left over from a recent collision between two small asteroids. If true, the collision likely occurred at over 15,000 kilometers per hour — five times the speed of a rifle bullet — and liberated energy in excess of a nuclear bomb. I hate to tell you how to do your job, NASA, but you’re really stabbing yourself in the crotch here. Think about it: you’re losing funding and getting projects cut left and right. Because nobody gives a shit about space. But if this was, in fact, an alien spacecraft, then….see where I’m going with this? (Fake another moon landing) Hubble spies debris ‘unlike any object ever seen before’ [dvice] Thanks to wes g, Ste, emerica, Brad B, timotheus maximus and sammy, who all agree space technology is bitchin’.

That’s right, would-be astronauts , you can forget about NASA ever sending you to the moon strapped to a giant rocket, cause that shit ain’t happening. Your only chance now is lassoing a moonicorn and barebacking that bitch to outerspace. Obama wants to end NASA’s moon program, turn over space transportation to commercial companies and jump-start technologies needed for future human exploration of Mars and other destinations, officials said on Monday. Obama’s budget ends work on the shuttle follow-on vehicle, known as Orion, as well as a pair of rockets developed to fly astronauts to the space station, the moon and other destinations in the solar system. Funds previously earmarked for the Constellation program, initially intended to return U.S. astronauts to the moon by 2020, instead would be used for research projects that include robotics and other technologies needed to prepare for an eventual human mission to Mars Privatizing space transportation? I don’t know how I feel about that besides GW’s ROCKET TOURS NOW TAKING RESERVATIONS!! Week long space trips start at $1million. Now I know what you’re thinking, “I bet the GW’s just gonna get me high and drop me off at Space Camp”. And that, my friend, is a safe bet. Obama axes NASA moon plan in new budget [msnbc] Thanks to FDSY, who will kick your ass into outerspace for a cool grand.

That’s right, would-be astronauts , you can forget about NASA ever sending you to the moon strapped to a giant rocket, cause that shit ain’t happening. Your only chance now is lassoing a moonicorn and barebacking that bitch to outerspace. Obama wants to end NASA’s moon program, turn over space transportation to commercial companies and jump-start technologies needed for future human exploration of Mars and other destinations, officials said on Monday. Obama’s budget ends work on the shuttle follow-on vehicle, known as Orion, as well as a pair of rockets developed to fly astronauts to the space station, the moon and other destinations in the solar system. Funds previously earmarked for the Constellation program, initially intended to return U.S. astronauts to the moon by 2020, instead would be used for research projects that include robotics and other technologies needed to prepare for an eventual human mission to Mars Privatizing space transportation? I don’t know how I feel about that besides GW’s ROCKET TOURS NOW TAKING RESERVATIONS!! Week long space trips start at $1million. Now I know what you’re thinking, “I bet the GW’s just gonna get me high and drop me off at Space Camp”. And that, my friend, is a safe bet. Obama axes NASA moon plan in new budget [msnbc] Thanks to FDSY, who will kick your ass into outerspace for a cool grand.

Who’s with me? This might just our ticket to becoming diamond gazillionaires by plundering Uranus (straight face, straight face) and Neptune’s diamond oceans ! But you will still need a rather large bank balance to purchase the Discovery Space Shuttle, which is being sold off by Nasa for $28.2 m (£17.7m). The soon-to-be redundant shuttle was the ultimate boy’s toy, flying faster and higher than any other machine in history. It was originally worth $42 million (£25.8 m) but the price has plummeted to take in the cost of hauling the monster from the Kennedy Space Centre to a major US airport. Discovery, which has completed 37 missions into space and 5,247 orbits, has already been promised to the Smithsonian Institution’s National Air and Space Museum, but shuttles Atlantis and Endeavour are still available, the Independent reports. Why that article says you can buy Discovery but then goes on to say it’s already been promised to the Kennedy Space Center is beyond me, but I suspect it has something to do with incredible journalistic skills like mine. That aside, who wants to go in on a shuttle with me? Worse comes to worse we can just park it in my backyard and play space. “Cobra Commander to Green Giant, come in Green Giant. We are docking at the Space Brothel now, confirm freaky three tittied aliens, over.” Nasa puts Discovery space shuttle up for sale for £17.7m [telegraph] Thanks to Jack, Riki Kiki Taco, Brandy Alexander the Great and Shabs, who are all welcome to join my crew for the low, low introductory rate of $8.4 million apiece.

Who’s with me? This might just our ticket to becoming diamond gazillionaires by plundering Uranus (straight face, straight face) and Neptune’s diamond oceans ! But you will still need a rather large bank balance to purchase the Discovery Space Shuttle, which is being sold off by Nasa for $28.2 m (£17.7m). The soon-to-be redundant shuttle was the ultimate boy’s toy, flying faster and higher than any other machine in history. It was originally worth $42 million (£25.8 m) but the price has plummeted to take in the cost of hauling the monster from the Kennedy Space Centre to a major US airport. Discovery, which has completed 37 missions into space and 5,247 orbits, has already been promised to the Smithsonian Institution’s National Air and Space Museum, but shuttles Atlantis and Endeavour are still available, the Independent reports. Why that article says you can buy Discovery but then goes on to say it’s already been promised to the Kennedy Space Center is beyond me, but I suspect it has something to do with incredible journalistic skills like mine. That aside, who wants to go in on a shuttle with me? Worse comes to worse we can just park it in my backyard and play space. “Cobra Commander to Green Giant, come in Green Giant. We are docking at the Space Brothel now, confirm freaky three tittied aliens, over.” Nasa puts Discovery space shuttle up for sale for £17.7m [telegraph] Thanks to Jack, Riki Kiki Taco, Brandy Alexander the Great and Shabs, who are all welcome to join my crew for the low, low introductory rate of $8.4 million apiece.

Want to place outerspace in your own backyard and pretend YOU’RE ON THE F***ING MOON ? Who doesn’t?! Well now you can thanks to these full scale lunar lander replicas from Space Toys. Houston, I have a boner. Who doesn’t want a LEM? These are custom made per order and built to exact specifications. Each can be custom made to match a specific lunar lander Apollo Mission. Available with or without a complete interior. Built from durable materials with the highest attention paid to authenticity and detail. Another great addition to any museum or private collection. The Lunar Module shown at right shows the level of detail, the customer can expect in a high fidelity replica from Spacetoys.com. This item is only available as a build to order purchase. Details are amazing and the authenticity is fantastic. Damn do I want one! Plus a full interior? Sweeeet . Forget a mancave, I want a manlander! A fridge full of beer, some video games, and I’m one happy astronaut. Did somebody say freeze-dried ice creams? YES PLEASE! Product Site Thanks to Megan, who

Remember how NASA tried to blow up the moon to get at its molten cheese core ? Well apparently they discovered a ’significant’ amount of water in the process. Adult swim! The discovery was announced by project scientist Anthony Colaprete at a midday news conference. “Indeed, yes, we found water,” he said. The find is based on preliminary data collected when the Lunar Crater Observation and Sensing Satellite, or LCROSS, intentionally crashed October 9 into the permanently shadowed region of Cabeus crater near the moon’s south pole. After the satellite struck, a rocket flew through the debris cloud, measuring the amount of water and providing a host of other data, Colaprete said. “The discovery opens a new chapter in our understanding of the moon,” the space agency said in a written statement shortly after the briefing began. Hell yes a new chapter in understanding the moon! CHAPTER 6: Water On The Moon There is water on the moon. Specifically, frozen water. THE END NASA finds ’significant’ water on moon [cnn] and Picture [juliefainart] Thanks to AZ-TRO-NOT, joey, STephen and Lizze, who found Kool-Aid on the moon but you probably never heard about it because of the massive conspiracy.

NASA , an organization that has actually convinced itself they put men on the moon despite it being all staged in Hollywood, is now testing a new rocket . The phallic booster is the first new design to come out of agency since 1981. Which, incidentally, is the year I was born. What does all this mean? I’m 28! The rocket is Ares I-X — a suborbital prototype for the Ares I rocket NASA plans to use to launch its shuttle successor, the Orion spacecraft. Currently the world’s tallest booster, the Ares I-X rolled out to the launch pad early Tuesday and is slated to blast off Oct. 27 at 8 a.m. EDT (1200 GMT) on a short demonstration flight. “The Ares I-X is going to fly straight up and straight out,” said NASA commentator George Diller as the 327-foot (100-meter) tall rocket began moving toward Launch Pad 39B at the Kennedy Space Center in Florida. “During that time we’ll be testing the stage separation to determine how well the first stage separation motors perform, as well as the performance of the booster itself, namely the parachutes and other apparatus that will deploy.” The $445 million rocket’s rollout comes on the eve of a final report from an independent committee appointed by the White House to review NASA’s plans for future human spaceflight. You want me to tell you about the future of human spaceflight? Cause it goes like this: The Geekologie Writer builds a rocketship in the shed behind his house and blasts himself into the sun. Everyone is so sad rockets are banned for ever. Then everybody dies because you couldn’t colonize Mars. The end. NASA Unveils Ares 1-X Rocket for Historic Test Flight [foxnews] Thanks to joseph, who tied his little brother to a bunch of fireworks and was just about to light the fuse when his mom caught him and yelled at him for having matches.