For over three years the promise of a Smurfs movie has loomed over us, an approaching blue storm cloud that just won’t seem to let lose its deluge of mediocrity. As it’s grown closer, we’ve been able to make out more details–that it will mix live-action and CGI , that there will be more Lady-Smurfs , that Jonathan Winters is both alive and providing the voice of Papa Smurf –but one crucial item remained unknown: who would be the likable actor who would completely though somewhat understandably sell themselves out and allow their face to poke out of this shitpile just for a check? Now we know. According to Deadline Hollywood , Neil Patrick Harris, the man who has somehow managed to fight off the stigma of being only gay and Doogie Howser and become one of the most well-liked comic actors working, will play the Jason Lee character in this blue-tinted Alvin and the Chipmunks . And I just lost all the money I had riding on John Krasinski.

Nicolas Chartier, that fool producer who, in violation of Academy rules, sent out an email asking voters to choose his film over an unnamed “$500 million film” , can cancel his reservation at Tuxedo World. The BBC reports that, despite his apology, the Hurt Locker producer will not be allowed to attend the gala event. In response to the ruling, Chartier said, “That’s a fair punishment for my ignorant actions. However, I do hope you’ll allow my twin sister Nicoletta, whom I look nearly identical to and have never been seem in the same room with, to go in my stead. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to visit my brother Harvey Fierstein.”

Nicolas Chartier, that fool producer who, in violation of Academy rules, sent out an email asking voters to choose his film over an unnamed “$500 million film” , can cancel his reservation at Tuxedo World. The BBC reports that, despite his apology, the Hurt Locker producer will not be allowed to attend the gala event. In response to the ruling, Chartier said, “That’s a fair punishment for my ignorant actions. However, I do hope you’ll allow my twin sister Nicoletta, whom I look nearly identical to and have never been seem in the same room with, to go in my stead. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to visit my brother Harvey Fierstein.”

You know, thinking about it, Hollywood’s big cash-in on ’80s nostalgia has really been unfair. Sure, my pleasant childhood memories of manufactured pop culture are being hauled out, polished, and built into both familiar and entirely unfamiliar feature films, but what about previous generations? For every 30-year-old guy complaining that a movie about robots that can turn into cars didn’t live up to his standards, there’s a guy nearing retirement saying, “What’s a Tranformer?” They can only bitch about how bad that Joey/Party of Five Lost in Space was for so long. Well, here’s something new to complain about, Dad: The seven castaways of “Gilligan’s Island” have found a home at Warner Bros. and Atlas Entertainment. The studio and production company have begun development on a feature film based on the iconic CBS sitcom. Plans are for a contempo take on the well-known premise and characters, with the studio and the Schwartzes’ blessing Copeland’s initial idea for the screenplay. Roven told Daily Variety that he’s hoping to start production as early as next year but won’t move forward on seeking a director or cast until Copeland’s script is completed. “The characters are so good,” Roven added. “We think it’s going to be a great story to transport these cultural icons to the modern day.” A “contempo take.” So, instead of the Professor building a radio out of a coconut, he’ll build the internet. Out of a coconut. And the entire thing, from boarding to shipwreck to rescue, will be done in less time than the initial three-hour tour. I don’t see how this can go wrong.

A good sign your film has some problems is when you start thinking adding an arbitrary period in the name might be a good idea. Another good sign your film has problems is that your protagonist can’t figure out if she’s dead or not because Liam Neeson keeps telling her, “Nah, you’re dead; I’m just a Ghost Whisperer, like I Know What You Did Last Summer on that show,” and that’s the entire movie.

Missile Command and Asteroids are already needlessly headed to cinemas as soon as producers figure out why there would be a Missile Command or Asteroids movie. It only makes sense Space Invaders too should be given a confusing chance at movie stardom. The LA Times says Warner Bros. is in negotiations with Taito, the original Japanese manufacturer, to acquire the film rights to crudely-drawn aliens descending along a two-dimensional plane, finally giving mankind the chance to see a film about alien invaders from space. This has been a long time coming to the world of science fiction, which thus far has had to avoid that basic concept because of copyrights. Or so I assume, because otherwise, why would anyone bother buying the movie rights to Space Invaders ? Particularly when the 1990 sci-fi comedy Spaced Invaders tells us you can make a movie about space invaders and literally just add a single letter to the title to avoid lawsuit. Thanks, but I’ll stick with Futurama for my Space Invaders entertainment needs:

I’m afraid you’re going to have to amend your I’m with Cancer mural. The film, which began shooting last month in Vancouver, has lost star James McAvoy and replaced him with another actor from the stable of decent young actors who aren’t so manly as to be unrelatable to we timorous weaklings, Joseph Gordon-Levitt (sorry, maybe next time, Elijah). Producer/co-star Seth Rogen released a statement to MTV regarding the actor’s departure from the 20-something-writer-battle-cancer tale: It’s incredibly unfortunate that circumstances outside of everyone’s control have taken James away from the project, but, with James’s blessing, we were able to have Joseph step in to take on the [lead] role of Adam. We all look forward to working with James in the future. Nice try with the “unfortunate that circumstances outside of everyone’s control” thing, Seth, but we know how these things work. It’s never outside of everyone’s control. What’s the real story? Does James McAvoy not believe in cancer?

I’m afraid you’re going to have to amend your I’m with Cancer mural. The film, which began shooting last month in Vancouver, has lost star James McAvoy and replaced him with another actor from the stable of decent young actors who aren’t so manly as to be unrelatable to we timorous weaklings, Joseph Gordon-Levitt (sorry, maybe next time, Elijah). Producer/co-star Seth Rogen released a statement to MTV regarding the actor’s departure from the 20-something-writer-battle-cancer tale: It’s incredibly unfortunate that circumstances outside of everyone’s control have taken James away from the project, but, with James’s blessing, we were able to have Joseph step in to take on the [lead] role of Adam. We all look forward to working with James in the future. Nice try with the “unfortunate that circumstances outside of everyone’s control” thing, Seth, but we know how these things work. It’s never outside of everyone’s control. What’s the real story? Does James McAvoy not believe in cancer?

I’m afraid you’re going to have to amend your I’m with Cancer mural. The film, which began shooting last month in Vancouver, has lost star James McAvoy and replaced him with another actor from the stable of decent young actors who aren’t so manly as to be unrelatable to we timorous weaklings, Joseph Gordon-Levitt (sorry, maybe next time, Elijah). Producer/co-star Seth Rogen released a statement to MTV regarding the actor’s departure from the 20-something-writer-battle-cancer tale: It’s incredibly unfortunate that circumstances outside of everyone’s control have taken James away from the project, but, with James’s blessing, we were able to have Joseph step in to take on the [lead] role of Adam. We all look forward to working with James in the future. Nice try with the “unfortunate that circumstances outside of everyone’s control” thing, Seth, but we know how these things work. It’s never outside of everyone’s control. What’s the real story? Does James McAvoy not believe in cancer?

All shed a tear for Mario Lopez, for tomorrow he shall have to let those words pass his lips on Extra in the wake of this : Justin Timberlake has nabbed the coveted role of the male lead in “Bad Teacher,” the Cameron Diaz comedy Jake Kasdan is directing for Columbia. Molly Shannon and Eric Stonestreet (”Modern Family”) are also joining the cast. The script, by Lee Eisenberg and Gene Stupnitsky, follows a foul-mouthed, gold-digging seventh-grade teacher who, after being dumped by her boyfriend, sets her sights on a colleague (Lucy Punch) who is dating a substitute teacher, who also is the scion of a watch fortune. Jason Segel was cast in the supporting role of a gym teacher, with John Michael Higgins slotted as the principal. Tomorrow: How “Bad Teacher” has made Justin a “bad boyfriend”–and the kiss that left Jessica Biel in shambles!