Wiiwaa is a new Wii game that comes with a stuffed animal peripheral . Basically you put a Wiimote (NOT YOUR PENIS) in its mouth and then dry hump it from behind like there’s no tomorrow. Because there might not be. Don’t believe me? Hit the jump for a video of Weewoo in action.

PearlyDreams (not what I thought it was either) Natural Sleep Enhancing Toothpaste is supposed to help you fall asleep after brushing your teeth at night. Me? I just chloroform myself and pass out on the bathroom floor. PearlyDreams (endorsed by Aerosmith’s Brad Whitford, so you know it’s legit) is toothpaste with Melatonin, Balm Mint, Valerian and Passionflower inside, all of which should combine to ease you into a peaceful slumber. Pfft, who brushes their teeth anymore? I don’t know about you, but I have robots that live in my gums and are programmed to come out and scrub my teeth clean every four hours. Sometimes they throw dance parties on my tongue and *WHOA!* Jesus, I was just having the worst nightmare. This toothpaste is designed to knock you unconscious [dvice]

Bandai is selling these $6 jellyfish toys that you put in your water bottle to keep you company when you’re doing whatever sad, lonely thing you do that’s led you to buy a $6 piece of plastic to keep you company. But hey, I’m not judging (I just ordered thirty). They come in jellyfish, squid and octopus varieties and present a choking hazard to all people under 150. GOTTA CHOKE ON ‘EM ALL! Several more shots after the jump.

Cheetos lip balm, it just makes sense. And by sense I mean your lips orange. Now swish some Dew around in your mouth and gimme kissies! Would You Wear Cheetos Lip Balm? [lemondrop] Thanks to The webcam in your monocle, who records whatever you see. Including in the shower . Provided you wear your monocle in the shower, which, pfft , who doesn’t?

Let’s face it, even Trekkies like to get all crunk on spacejuice and get into Vulcan Death Grip fights at the bar. Completely understandable. These are only two of ten Star Trek inspired cocktails , so be sure to hit the jump to see eight more. Then make one. However, I was a little sad to see there was no Red Shot (with significantly increased chance of death). Or Khaaaaanikazi. Or 3 Buttery Nipples. Also, you show me a bar that actually keeps figs in stock and I’ll show you a guy whoring himself out for drinks. Ha, or you can tell The Superficial Writer yourself, whatever. Hit the jump for the rest. You’d howl too if your figs were frozen. Anybody?