I remember seeing this video (the original Japanese commercial for The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past ) a long time ago, and you’re probably gonna yell at me because you sent it to me years ago, but you know what? I’m not gonna let it get to me. You can’t make me feel bad. But you can make me a sandwich. And you know what? YOU’RE GOING TO. Triangle cut, no crust, no pubes. Youtube via Zelda dance [wtfjapanseriously] Thanks to Spikey DaPikey and Dan, who actually perform that dance at clubs and impress all the womens.

Because Japan never ceases to amaze me , ‘Crying Girls’ is a soon-to-be-released DVD of, well, girls crying . Because some people are into that. And those people should be put on a watch list. It may not be The Crying Game but “Crying Girl” ( Nakigao , in Japanese) from Amuse Soft Entertainment has its fair share of crying. In fact, it’s almost ALL crying. One after another, 11 minor female celebs shed real tears as they recount some of the worst days of their lives. The “11 stories of people crying in earnest”, as the DVD’s tag line states, include some that really don’t seem so terrible but instead reflect the rigors of being an up & coming model in Japan’s fiercely competitive “idol” culture: * Marika, who was yelled at by her manager. * Risa, who had been jilted by her boyfriend. * Nana, who saw a bad picture of herself in a magazine. * Shiho, who cried when her boyfriend said goodbye. * Mai, who cried “touching the loneliness of the city”. * Yutaka, who has a friend with breast cancer who’s engaged to marry. Wow, Japan, wow. You have officially crossed the line. That said, for $20 I’ll video chat you for 30 minutes and cry my eyes out. BECAUSE I’M SENSITIVE. Muscular and sensitive. Crying Girl DVD Helps Men Feel Strong [inventorspot] Thanks to Rob, who will video chat and scream at you for free.

Because Japan has infinitely cooler (and 10x perverted ) everything, it was only a matter of time before they beat us to the invention of breasted mouse pads . I don’t know where you get them, and I don’t know why you would get them, all I know is I did get them. Which, fun fact: fondling your mouse pad while talking to coworkers CAN count as sexual harassment. Shocking, I know. (Anybody hiring?) Big Breasted Mousepads [buzzfeed] Thanks to emerica and CEW, who have never been caught in the janitor’s closet with a mouse pad. Yet.

Because Japan has infinitely cooler (and 10x perverted ) everything, it was only a matter of time before they beat us to the invention of breasted mouse pads . I don’t know where you get them, and I don’t know why you would get them, all I know is I did get them. Which, fun fact: fondling your mouse pad while talking to coworkers CAN count as sexual harassment. Shocking, I know. (Anybody hiring?) Big Breasted Mousepads [buzzfeed] Thanks to emerica and CEW, who have never been caught in the janitor’s closet with a mouse pad. Yet.

This is a camera designed at the Nagoya Institute of Technology in Japan that features 158 individual lenses . Why so many? To take 3-D pictures of a candle flame. And here I was thinking they were gonna use it to look up girls’ skirts. Which, you know they are! Japan, Japan, Japan, what am I gonna do with you? Record-breaking camera has 158 lenses [dvice] Thanks to Carl, who doesn’t need a camera to look up skirts because he has a bicycle mirror taped to his shoe.

This is a video of a dancing robot girl that was shot (the footage, not the robot — unfortunately) during the very disturbing (and fundamentally wrong) ROBO-ONE GATE Dance Competition. A dancing robot competition? Really? That’s it, I’m heading to the moon . The 6th ROBO-ONE GATE IN INTERNATIONAL ROBOT EXHIBITION 2009 Dance Competiton spons took place in Tokyo Big Sight, during INTERNATIONAL ROBOT EXHIBITION 2009 , on Nov. 28th, 2009. `LOVE & JOY, Yuhi Kimura` by Doka Harumi (Doka Project). No one survived the performance. Jesus, this is the shit nightmares are made of. You know, the kind you wake up from with a full load. And don’t even act like it’s never happened, it’s happened . I ran into your mom at the grocery store! Doka Harumi’s robot dance routine fills us with shame for humanity, but mostly Japan [engadget] Thanks to Mycropht, who once danced with a robot BUT ONLY TO GET CLOSE ENOUGH TO PLANT THE C4. Good lookin’, Micropht.

Finally, a sport manly enough for yours truly. Sorry guys, but I’m officially retiring from lava diving and shark rodeo. Now, which one of you handsome gents wants the honor of receiving my first highly-toxic pummeling? You in the front row — scrawny guy with the eyepatch. In the wheelchair. BRING IT, I WILL DESTROY YOU! Hit the jump for a bunch more shots, moderately graphic due to blood.

Somebody better blast a proton torpedo through this thing’s auxiliary exhaust port or it’s game over, man. I’m serious too — if you don’t think this thing isn’t gonna be powering our metallic harbingers of death, you’re delusional. So, yeah, Japan is coughing up $21 billion to have a bigass solar panel floating around in space and sending the energy back to planet urf. [The power station] will beam enough energy back to Earth to power 294,000 homes. With no cables. The whole deal is being put together by Mitsubishi Electric Corp. and industrial design company IGI Corp. The plan involves a gigantic solar panel floating around in space, soaking up a gigawatt of energy and beaming it to Earth without the use of cables. And they hope to have it ready to rock within four years. Wow, you’re not gonna wanna get in the way of that energy beam. Because one time I stood in front of a satellite internet dish for too long and 0101001010 10011 00001 01010010 1010 010100111 0101. Whoa, what just happened — and why are my pants wet? Japan to Spend $21,000,000,000 on a Power Plant in F%#king Space [gizmodo] Thanks to Brian and Schmitty, who know the only the only good station in space is a topless service station with a Slush Puppy machine and lots of candy.

I think the picture speaks for itself, just listen. “This is sooooo creepy”. There, did you hear that? I’ve written about being in love with 2-D characters before, but apparently the phenomenon is even more widespread than previously thought. Japan, you never cease to amaze me. As they got to know each other, they traveled hundreds of miles west — to Kyoto, Osaka and Nara, sleeping in his car or crashing on friends’ couches to save money. They took touristy pictures under cherry trees, frolicked like children on merry-go-rounds and slurped noodles on street corners. Now, after three years together, they are virtually inseparable. “I’ve experienced so many amazing things because of her,” Nisan told me, rubbing Nemutan’s leg warmly. “She has really changed my life.” Nemutan doesn’t really have a leg. She’s a stuffed pillowcase — a 2-D depiction of a character, Nemu, from an X-rated version of a PC video game called Da Capo, printed on synthetic fabric. DUM DUM DUM! You like where I ended that quote? I did it for dramatic emphasis, and I think it worked. The New York Times has a really long, in-depth article about the phenomenon, so you may want to go check that out if you’re a closet pillow humper. But seriously — 18+ only pillows, please. Love in 2-D [nytimes] Thanks to amy, who can only love in 4-D.

Not to be outdone by Master Chief , both Iron Man and Wolverine are getting the anime treatment courtesy of Madhouse Studios and Marvel Entertainment. Allegedly, two more superheroes will follow. This is the teaser for Iron Man, Wolverine is behind the cut. Get it, behind the cut ? Because of his claws! Hit it for Wolverine, which was much weirder.