If there’s one thing that sucks about my life it’s everything. And if there’s another it’s slow internet service . I can’t stand it. It drives me crazy. Crazier than the kids next door waking me up at 7 playing drums on the connecting wall of our apartments. Which, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP I WILL BREAK YOUR ALL YOUR TOYS. Google is planning to launch an experiment that we hope will make Internet access better and faster for everyone. We plan to test ultra-high speed broadband networks in one or more trial locations across the country. Our networks will deliver Internet speeds more than 100 times faster than what most Americans have access to today, over 1 gigabit per second, fiber-to-the-home connections. We’ll offer service at a competitive price to at least 50,000 and potentially up to 500,000 people. From now until March 26th, we’re asking interested municipalities to provide us with information about their communities through a Request for information (RFI), which we’ll use to determine where to build our network. Listen, Google, you know I’m a straight shooter, right? You should roll this out in my city. And, if you decide not to, let me go ahead and save you the trouble of testing — everybody’s gonna love it . Google Fiber for Communities [google]

This is a little (well, large actually) informational graphic explaining who uses the interwebs and some other stuff about this bitchin’ series of tubes . There’s nothing particularly shocking about the stats except for the fact that US broadband speed sucks big ol’ fossilized dino balls compared to everywhere else. Oh, and the State of the Blogosphere section, that part was interesting. Did you know that 16% of bloggers consider themselves “snarky”, 44% “humorous” and 54% “expert”? Only one answered “hung like mountain lion, if mountain lions were 18 feet tall and three-quarters penis”, and that was me. Just sayin’, I can’t lie. Hit the jump for the rest of the moderately informative graphic.

This is a little (well, large actually) informational graphic explaining who uses the interwebs and some other stuff about this bitchin’ series of tubes . There’s nothing particularly shocking about the stats except for the fact that US broadband speed sucks big ol’ fossilized dino balls compared to everywhere else. Oh, and the State of the Blogosphere section, that part was interesting. Did you know that 16% of bloggers consider themselves “snarky”, 44% “humorous” and 54% “expert”? Only one answered “hung like mountain lion, if mountain lions were 18 feet tall and three-quarters penis”, and that was me. Just sayin’, I can’t lie. Hit the jump for the rest of the moderately informative graphic.

For those of you who live sheltered lives, Cleverbot is a misnomered (word wizardry baby, awh yeah!) artificial intelligence program you can talk to on the internets in case you ever wanted to read a bunch of robotic propaganda and other filth (stick to the Twilight series). Anyway, this is a conversation Geekologie Loyalist Marshall D. recorded over the holidays. God I hate that f***ing Cleverbot. One time I got so fed up trying to understand my enemy I purposely flew a kite into powerlines just to crash the internet and win a bet I had with Ben Franklin. Who invented lightning now, Benjamin McBifocals?, I SHOULD BE ON THAT $100! Cleverbot Thanks to Marshall D., who shouldn’t have even given that delusional bot the time of day.

For those of you who live sheltered lives, Cleverbot is a misnomered (word wizardry baby, awh yeah!) artificial intelligence program you can talk to on the internets in case you ever wanted to read a bunch of robotic propaganda and other filth (stick to the Twilight series). Anyway, this is a conversation Geekologie Loyalist Marshall D. recorded over the holidays. God I hate that f***ing Cleverbot. One time I got so fed up trying to understand my enemy I purposely flew a kite into powerlines just to crash the internet and win a bet I had with Ben Franklin. Who invented lightning now, Benjamin McBifocals?, I SHOULD BE ON THAT $100! Cleverbot Thanks to Marshall D., who shouldn’t have even given that delusional bot the time of day.

Type a search query into Mystery Google and you get the results of the last person’s search . For example, I searched for a serious medical condition I have, and got the results for “u’v got a face only ur momma could love”. Neat? Yes. Helpful? Absolutely not. But don’t let that stop you from blowing a few minutes screwing around with it. Remember: every minute wasted is a minute spent kicking the man in the junk. Go on — kick him. Now do it again. HARDER! Okay now do me. Mystery Google Thanks to Emortal, Blastphemer and Shadow Sushi, who don’t search the interweb, the interweb searches them . So are we we talking like full body or what?

Finally, a search engine designed specifically for finding World of Warcraft information. At last, the internet is complete . No, wait — it still needs an eHarmony for dinosaurs. I don’t need 29 degrees of compatibility, I just want something with teeth and a tail! And, okay, wings. Holy shit I’m a dragon lover. Embracing it! Mrgl-Mrgl Thanks to Random User, who could be any one of you.

Remember the article from a while ago about Omegle , the website that gets you randomly chatting to some stranger with candy ? Well two Geekologie Readers hooked up on the site after reading the article about it and are now madly in love and totally gonna get married and have a white picket fence or whatever the hell people do whose marriages don’t end in bitter divorce. Per Jessica, the lucky lady: well i’m in this relationship…and i must tell you we met on the infamous OMEGLE. …no i am not lying….i totally would have saved our conversation if i’d known we would be in this relationship now….annd…i think we’ll end up getting married one day…..HOW WEIRD IS THIS??? How weird is this? More like HOW AWESOME AND CONGRATULATIONS GUYS. I took a stab at OMEGLE-ING love myself (picture above) and you can see how well it worked out for me. Promising in the beginning, penis-y in the end: the life and times of the Geekologie Writer. Omegle Thanks Jessica, Geekologie wishes you two the best.

Want to let commuters know what you’re favorite web programming language is? Well now you can thanks to this 5-pack of CODE Stickers by John Freeborn . $5 takes home all five and I think they’re worlds better than the stupid Outer Banks (OBX) stickers I see around here. So you like the beach , WHO DOESN’T? I mean, besides redheads and vampires. web coder bumper stickers: honk if you love to write code! [technabob]

This could be older than dino bones (but NOWHERE NEAR as sexy ) for all I know, I just thought it was humorous because I pretty much see this message all the time and it makes me want to put my fist through the computer screen. Which I don’t hesitate to do. Seriously, I’m already on like my fourth laptop. Of the day. This page is stupid and cannot be displayed [org.nz] Thanks to Nik, who once punched through his monitor and broke one of the internet’s tubes.