A wheelchaired man recently surrendered to a police bomb-disposal robot after unsuccessfully negotiating free pizza during a hostage situation in a rural Virginia post office. Not even kidding. Taylor initially fired shots from the building in Wytheville, but no one was injured. The drama came to an end when police ordered him to let the hostages go and come out with his hands up. Soon after, Taylor and three others left the post office. Police had negotiated with Taylor by phone, but he made no demands other than a request for a pizza. He is reported to have told police he had a military background. A team of SWAT police sheltered behind vehicles as Taylor wheeled himself out and “surrendered” to a bomb-disposal robot. Geez, how humiliating having to surrender to a robot. And not even a robot with giant lasers and razor saws, just one with a stick to poke bombs with. I would have had to hari-kari myself right there. And by hari-kari I mean put that thing in a headlock and demand extra breadsticks. Wheelchair gunman surrenders to police robot [londoneveningstandard] Thanks to nick bacon, whose last name is actually bacon and I that makes me jealous.

18-year old idiot moron James N. P. Miller (because one initial wasn’t enough) scored a DWI (you can’t even drink legally!) on Halloween while wearing his ‘blow here’ breathalyzer costume . Not so good lookin’, N.P. Can I call you N.P.? You know I’m going to anyways. According to a police report, 18-year-old James N. P. Miller, of Cincinnati, was seen driving the wrong way out of the entrance to a one-way street at East Park Place in Oxford. Inside his car, officers allegedly found an open container of Bud Light in the center console. Officers also found what was left of a case of Bud Light in the passenger side front seat and in the trunk. The legal limit in Ohio is .08 BAC–Miller tested at .158. He was cited for operating a vehicle while intoxicated (among other violations) and released to his girlfriend. I actually know a guy that wore the same costume on Halloween and try as I might, I couldn’t get a reading. I dunno, dead batteries or something. Moron In Breathalyzer Costume Busted For Driving Drunk [gizmodo] Thanks to Chris, who blew even harder than I did.

Some idiot moron , in an effort to become the world’s biggest failure at life , used 662,258 text messages on his iPhone in a month. Plus the jerkbag got the 12,301 page itemized bill sent to him, so he doesn’t even care about trees. I did the math, and it comes out to sending a text message just about every 4 seconds, all day every day. So I assume there was some sort of automated program involved. Also, a monster douche. Hit the jump for two videos of the idiot looking at his bill.

Some idiot moron , in an effort to become the world’s biggest failure at life , used 662,258 text messages on his iPhone in a month. Plus the jerkbag got the 12,301 page itemized bill sent to him, so he doesn’t even care about trees. I did the math, and it comes out to sending a text message just about every 4 seconds, all day every day. So I assume there was some sort of automated program involved. Also, a monster douche. Hit the jump for two videos of the idiot looking at his bill.

Okay so I just noticed I left the “r” out of “your” in that Facebook update but that’s what happens when you stay up till 5 am binge drinking , you know? Also, waking up with strange bruises and an even stranger man in your bed (seriously brah, it’s 10:30 — time for you to go). Anyway, worst burglar ever: The popular online social networking site Facebook helped lead to an alleged burglar’s arrest after he stopped check his account on the victim’s computer, but forgot to log out before leaving the home with two diamond rings. [The victim] told police that someone had broken into her home through a bedroom window. There were open cabinets in her garage, and other signs of a burglar. The victim later noticed that the intruder also used her computer to check his Facebook status, and his account was still open when she checked the computer. Wow, that’s almost as bad as the time I broke into a house and accidentally spelled my name out on the fridge in alphabet magnets. Almost — but this guy is way stupider. Burglar leaves his Facebook page on victim’s computer [thejournal] Thanks to Joshua, nancypantz, Brian and Fally, who ONLY break into people’s places to check their status updates.

It was only a matter of time before somebody did this . Because when I was watching the VMA’s live from the back of the auditorium through the scope of a sniper rifle , I was wondering how long it would take after the Taylor Swift incident (I love you, Taylor — you belong with me! Creepily ) for somebody to make a Kanye-ify website . Apparently four days. Or maybe sooner, but I just found out about it yesterday. Just add http://kanyelicio.us/ to the front of any URL and presto: jackass everywhere! Kanyelicio.us Thanks to ViLLaiN, who is working on a Geekologie-ify website. Hell yes, ViLLaiN! I don’t care if you are evil, you’re a-okay in my book.

This is a video of an alleged Pakistani engineering student failing to use an automatic door correctly (read: with his face ). You just have to see it to believe it. God only knows how he treats escalators. Engineering Student Takes On Electrical Door, Loses [gizmodo]

This is a video of an alleged Pakistani engineering student failing to use an automatic door correctly (read: with his face ). You just have to see it to believe it. God only knows how he treats escalators. Engineering Student Takes On Electrical Door, Loses [gizmodo]

Melissa Catherine Smith-Means (she is too!), 37, of Gaylesville, Alabama, was arrested for child abuse after dragging her unisex child through a Verizon Wireless store using a kiddy- leash . As punishment, Melissa is going to be leashed and dragged down every aisle of a Best Buy. Just sayin’ — it’s Alabama, folks, they do things differently. Like talk and guns. I’ve lived there, I know . Woman Drags Child Through Verizon Store [techeblog] Thanks to trishna87 and gypsyking, who don’t drag anything but their feet. Seriously, stop being so lazy you two.

Just look at that picture . Do you see anything wrong with it? If you answered, “yes — absolutely everything, there is not a single thing right about that photo”, congratulations, there’s hope for you yet. Anyway, a group of hellbent fools at the Developmental Robotics Laboratory at Iowa State University have developed a robot that they hope will be able to learn things similar to the way a child does. Rather than pre-program it to perform a set of tasks, the team believes that robots need to experience the same kind of development that humans and animals do. To that end, their ‘bot is equipped with two long arms and a pair of webcam-looking eyes. It can hear and see, and learns to identify objects by picking them up and performing different tests, such as shaking or dropping them. Yes, shaking and dropping them . Just wait until it identifies a human. Also, whose bright idea was it to give that thing a pair of scissors. I’M NOT EVEN ALLOWED TO USE SCISSORS AND I’M HUMAN! Moooooooom — the dog made me glue my head to the carpet again! Video of the learning baby deathbot in action after the jump.