In this world there are cakes , and then there are cakes . This is one of the latter. Mostly because it’s all glittery . You see, I love glittery things — in my mouth! Haha, not you, Edward — nice try though. F***ing skeeze . Nothing says happy birthday like a good old fashion droid head on a platter Collaborative effort with my other friend for ~ Jasmeralda’s birthday. I’m glad she talked me into the fondant, I was a little hesitant at first, but it came out nice and without too terribly much fuss. Metallic shine is edible glitter, silver ‘eye’ pieces I sculpted out of marzipan and my friend covered with the glitter. Big box/lens is painted box (painted by her roommate) with plastic painted package piece to make the lens. Light is chopped off ring from party supply store. I added blue food coloring to the yellow part of the cake so his inside was themed, too Fondantastic! You know, I’ve been preaching the benefits of a metallic diet for years now but everyone just looks at me like I’m crazy and asks if I’m really eating fishing weights. You’re gotdamn right I am! Brain food. GoblinQueeen’s DeviantART Thanks to sham, who wouldn’t hesitate to eat some C-3PO brain because dude suuuuucks.

Because holding your head up on your own is for poor people, there’s a $20 device that does all the heavy lifting for you. Fun fact: did you know the average adult-sized head weighs 8-12 lbs? Yeah, well mine weighs 18 because my brain is so big. It’s the size of a beach ball BUT ISN’T FILLED WITH HOT AIR! Sand. It’s mostly sand. Plus airplane glue. The theory behind this neck traction device is that you will experience less pain if you don’t have to hold up your own head. This blow up collar is meant to be good for pinched nerves, tension headaches and osteoarthritis. Plus it makes you look cool. Just don’t go pumping the blow-up bulb too much or you’re gonna end up looking like a Kayan neck-ring woman. Which is to say, sexy . DO IT! DO IT OR YOU WILL NEVER MARRY! Neck Traction a Pleasant Reminder Of Why You Shouldn’t Buy Medical Devices From Gift Shops [uberreview]

I know, two hat posts in a row, what can I say — it must be your lucky day. Besides the one you met me. Which, you better not have washed your hand after we shook! But you said you wouldn’t. Anyway, the TV hat is a $20 hat that has a clear pocket you put your iPod in and little shades that come down on the sides so you can watch your iPod glare free and walk into poles and manholes and get robbed and stuff. Safe! Essentially a baseball hat with an extended visor, the TV hat has a pocket at the end of the lid for your portable player. One it’s inside, you pull down the black canvas material velcroed under the lid, creating blinders and blocking out the sun. Underneath the lid is a rectangular magnifying glass that flips down that supposedly “enhances” visibility. There are openings for your earphones, too. Wow, that sounds like something I absolutely, positively must have. Honestly, I’m bored of looking at the real world anyways. It’s all ugly people and old people and, sometimes, ugly old people. Bad combo right there. One time an old lady tried talking to me that had a beard and a hair growing out of her nose that was at least an inch long. Not out of the nostril either, the actual top of her nose . I puked in my mouth. I may be going to hell, but I puked in my mouth. Terrible commercial for the thing after the jump.

I know, two hat posts in a row, what can I say — it must be your lucky day. Besides the one you met me. Which, you better not have washed your hand after we shook! But you said you wouldn’t. Anyway, the TV hat is a $20 hat that has a clear pocket you put your iPod in and little shades that come down on the sides so you can watch your iPod glare free and walk into poles and manholes and get robbed and stuff. Safe! Essentially a baseball hat with an extended visor, the TV hat has a pocket at the end of the lid for your portable player. One it’s inside, you pull down the black canvas material velcroed under the lid, creating blinders and blocking out the sun. Underneath the lid is a rectangular magnifying glass that flips down that supposedly “enhances” visibility. There are openings for your earphones, too. Wow, that sounds like something I absolutely, positively must have. Honestly, I’m bored of looking at the real world anyways. It’s all ugly people and old people and, sometimes, ugly old people. Bad combo right there. One time an old lady tried talking to me that had a beard and a hair growing out of her nose that was at least an inch long. Not out of the nostril either, the actual top of her nose . I puked in my mouth. I may be going to hell, but I puked in my mouth. Terrible commercial for the thing after the jump.

Looking to make a statement? A shiny statement that’ll probably blind me while I’m trying to drive? Don’t think I won’t crash into you. I will crash into you . And you won’t get a penny of my insurance money. Namely because I don’t have any. Haha, what do you mean that’s illegal in my state? You’re illegal in my state! Wanna Join My Transformers Street Gang? [gizmodo] Thanks to emerica, who I just realized is a female despite the fact I’ve been referring to her as a guy forever. Sorry about that.

Looking to make a statement? A shiny statement that’ll probably blind me while I’m trying to drive? Don’t think I won’t crash into you. I will crash into you . And you won’t get a penny of my insurance money. Namely because I don’t have any. Haha, what do you mean that’s illegal in my state? You’re illegal in my state! Wanna Join My Transformers Street Gang? [gizmodo] Thanks to emerica, who I just realized is a female despite the fact I’ve been referring to her as a guy forever. Sorry about that.

The ThermaHelm motorcycle helmet keeps your brain on ice in the event of an accident . That’s important because if you’ll recall those anti-drug commercials from yesteryear: a cooked egg brain is no good. Except with buttered toast. I say throw a halved grapefruit into the mix and I’m….damnit, stay focused, GW. The ThermaHelm is a carbon-fiber lid with two lightweight chemical packs — one water, the other ammonium nitrate — built into the lining of the helmet. In the event of impact, the contents of the two packs mix together, triggering a cooling reaction. The $490 invention will be launched in the UK in May this year, and they are already developing a more sophisticated version which, at $815, will include a video camera, GPS and Bluetooth. Well I don’t know about you, but there’s no price too high to pay for my heath. Unless insurance won’t cover it, in which case, I want you to pull the plug. I’m not waking up to a million dollar medical bill. I’d rather go bang dinos in space heaven. ThermaHelm ice pack helmet saves lives and frozen peas [dvice]

The ThermaHelm motorcycle helmet keeps your brain on ice in the event of an accident . That’s important because if you’ll recall those anti-drug commercials from yesteryear: a cooked egg brain is no good. Except with buttered toast. I say throw a halved grapefruit into the mix and I’m….damnit, stay focused, GW. The ThermaHelm is a carbon-fiber lid with two lightweight chemical packs — one water, the other ammonium nitrate — built into the lining of the helmet. In the event of impact, the contents of the two packs mix together, triggering a cooling reaction. The $490 invention will be launched in the UK in May this year, and they are already developing a more sophisticated version which, at $815, will include a video camera, GPS and Bluetooth. Well I don’t know about you, but there’s no price too high to pay for my heath. Unless insurance won’t cover it, in which case, I want you to pull the plug. I’m not waking up to a million dollar medical bill. I’d rather go bang dinos in space heaven. ThermaHelm ice pack helmet saves lives and frozen peas [dvice]

I can never see the word ” balaclava ” without thinking baklava, which is totally different but infinitely more delicious and arguably my favorite dessert . Now I know what you’re thinking, “but GW, I don’t care what your favorite dessert is”. But you know what? It’s too f***ing late. Anyway, if you want a BALACLAVA inspired by the one Ghost wears in ‘ Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 ‘ now you can buy them in blue, green and red for ~$21 a pop. And, in case you couldn’t tell, there are other video game/movie inspired bank-robbery aids on the way as well. Plus, the company is run by a loyal Geekologie Reader who told me things about myself even I didn’t know. It was therapeutic. Like crying in the bathtub, but without the aromatic candles. Product Site Thanks to Jamie, who may or may not be a Tarot reader.

I can never see the word ” balaclava ” without thinking baklava, which is totally different but infinitely more delicious and arguably my favorite dessert . Now I know what you’re thinking, “but GW, I don’t care what your favorite dessert is”. But you know what? It’s too f***ing late. Anyway, if you want a BALACLAVA inspired by the one Ghost wears in ‘ Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 ‘ now you can buy them in blue, green and red for ~$21 a pop. And, in case you couldn’t tell, there are other video game/movie inspired bank-robbery aids on the way as well. Plus, the company is run by a loyal Geekologie Reader who told me things about myself even I didn’t know. It was therapeutic. Like crying in the bathtub, but without the aromatic candles. Product Site Thanks to Jamie, who may or may not be a Tarot reader.