I’m pretty sure these $50 Supine Reading Glasses have been around for awhile because I remember using them to look up girls’ skirts while breakdancing, but here they are, just in case you didn’t know they existed . Think of them as periscopes. Really dorky-ass periscopes you wear to bed. Booboobooboop — booboobooboop. Reading while lying down tends to involve propping your head up with uncomfortable pillow arrangements, often with your neck bent in angles that will result in a moderate amount of pain the following day. These reading glasses bend light 90º to save you that trouble. Not to brag or anything, but did you know one time I strong-armed light and bent it 365º? Because I did. Sure it created a worm-hole and swallowed my neighbor’s cat, but NO, FOR THE LAST TIME I SWEAR TO GOD THAT’S WHAT HAPPENED I DID NOT BACK OVER HIM (what kind of animal falls asleep behind a f***ing tire?!). Product Site via Supine Reading Glasses Reduce Need to Raise Head [uberreview]

The $25 Illuminated JetBib from ThinkGeek is by far the greatest advance in baby-feeding technology since the tit. The bib and wing tips feature flashing LEDs to ensure a smooth flight and that all food aboard Gerber flight B4BY makes it safely to the hanger. Plus, the spoon end is removable for easy cleaning. That’s just smart product design right there. WW2 flight helmet and goggles optional, but highly recommended. Uh-oh — bogeys at nine o’clock! Dinner’s at seven. AND DON’T BE LATE. BARREL ROLL, BARREL ROLL! Little help over here, Fox McCloud! RAT-A-TAT-A-TAT! BOOM! I’ve been hit — eject, EJECT! WHEEE EEEE EEEE!! Great, now the baby’s crying. But seriously, I think you can tell I’d make a great father. ThinkGeek Product Site via JetBib: Baby food, you’re cleared for landing [dvice]

Gosh, it seems like only yesterday I was hard at working fashioning a bong out of my gerbil’s old Habitrail. But it wasn’t, it was this morning I’m doing it right now. Anybody have a hot glue gun? The Gerbil Shirt wraps your torso in plastic tube passageways, making your bod a super highway of fun for Binky and Bart. The interior surfaces are textured for traction and have air vents for easy breathing. The inventor suggests you can clean the Gerbil Shirt by attaching it to a faucet (remove pets first please), and you should avoid collisions and falls that could cause pet panic. Listen, I’m not one to judge, except I totally am BECAUSE I’M SO GOOD AT IT. Wapner? Pfft, that old pantstain couldn’t gavel his way out of a wet paper bag. Judy? Wrinkled whore. But a Habitrail vest? That’s just a solid product. Gerbil Shirt [ohgizmo] Thanks to david, who better not catch you trying to run one of those tubes up your butt.