Tired of clutching a dog-eared copy of New Moon to your bosom to fall asleep at night? Well fear not, pathetic , because now you can buy $35 homemade Twilight character “manllows”. For all the twilight [sic] crazed lonely women in the world, Jacob Black is finally here to be with you and only you. Sleep with him, cuddle with him, use him as a neck rest, the Jacob Manllow is there to be your man and pillow all in one. Don’t worry, in the Manllow world, all men are of age. No. No no no no no. “Twilight dummy” jokes aside, you’ve got to admit these have nothing on my Legolas manllow. Isn’t that right, my sexy little archer? You shot me right through the heart. Hit the jump for a couple more shots of the travesty.

This is a short video of BBC reporter Dan Simmons breaking an allegedly unbreakable phone at the Consumer Electronics Show. The phone is supposed to be able to withstand a 10-story drop, being dunked 20-feet underwater for a half hour, and used as a hammer. Unfortunately, it can’t withstand being beat against an aquarium four times. But my fish love that shit! Reporter breaks an ‘unbreakable’ mobile phone at CES [bbcnews] Thanks to Ross and Simon, who can break phones just by looking at them. That’s, uh, some superpower. Blast the chick sitting next to me!

Finally, USB wall outlets . The $10 ‘TruePower UCS Power Outlet With Built-in USB Ports’ not only has a terrible name, but will also be shipping early this year. It makes the perfect receptacle for all your USB gadgetry, and a terrible Valentine’s gift for a lady-friend. But on the up side, they do still come with two standard AC plugs for storing forks and knives. So….bet you can’t hold on for ten seconds! Product Site Thanks to Shea, who plugs things directly into the sun to cut out the middle man. Smart.

A wheelchaired man recently surrendered to a police bomb-disposal robot after unsuccessfully negotiating free pizza during a hostage situation in a rural Virginia post office. Not even kidding. Taylor initially fired shots from the building in Wytheville, but no one was injured. The drama came to an end when police ordered him to let the hostages go and come out with his hands up. Soon after, Taylor and three others left the post office. Police had negotiated with Taylor by phone, but he made no demands other than a request for a pizza. He is reported to have told police he had a military background. A team of SWAT police sheltered behind vehicles as Taylor wheeled himself out and “surrendered” to a bomb-disposal robot. Geez, how humiliating having to surrender to a robot. And not even a robot with giant lasers and razor saws, just one with a stick to poke bombs with. I would have had to hari-kari myself right there. And by hari-kari I mean put that thing in a headlock and demand extra breadsticks. Wheelchair gunman surrenders to police robot [londoneveningstandard] Thanks to nick bacon, whose last name is actually bacon and I that makes me jealous.

NOTE : Link is NSFW due to naked boobs. Ever wanted to see a bunch of Star Trek fans wearing nothing but funny faces and body paint ? God you’re sick. But also lucky, because this is exactly that. Don’t miss Worf’s head in the back! Hit the jump for the NSFW version and another one of them on bikes.

Chris’s sister Katie told on him for hiding beer in his room. So what did he do? He went through her room, found a list of people whose genitals she wants to play with, and posted it on Facebook with all her friends tagged. This is just the explanation of the note here, you have to hit the jump to see the actual thing (WARNING: possibly NSFW due to dirty words). Damn Chris, even as a guy whose done far worse to people, I’ve got to admit: that’s pretty harsh. Now melt her face off with a Looftlighter ! Hit the jump for the actual note and her friends’ reactions.

This is a video of a husband filming his wife crying after watching Return of the Jedi . I wasn’t sure whether I was supposed to laugh or not, so I did anyways just to cover my bases (you’re out!). Women: can’t live with ‘em, can’t just come over when you’re hungry or need a button sewn on a shirt. WHY IS THIS LIFE SO DIFFICULT?! Wife Cries After Star Wars [collegehumor] Thanks to Doug, who filmed me crying after watching two girls one cup. That is NOT how ice cream is made.

Listen, I don’t care how fat you are, God still loves you. But even God would charge you for two seats if you can’t fit in one. Just sayin’. High five, big G! Obese air passenger in economy seat has picture taken [telegraph] Thanks to Add Not Andrew Macgregor and Afern, who always buy two seats but only because they don’t like people sitting next to them.

So there’s a new website out there that’s similar to fmylife , but instead of people talking about how much their lives suck, it’s a bunch girls talking about how much their lives are like Twilight , which is even sadder . Some examples: Today I asked my boyfriend if he would hold ice to his lips for a minute before he kissed me, so I could pretend I was kissing Edward. He did. MLIT by Rachel - Love - Your life is SO Twilight! (94) - Not so much Twilight.. (18) Today I was wearing my twilight t-shirt at the store. This pale guy with topaz eyes came up to me and said: “Say it. Say it out loud.” I squeled, and said “Vampire. How old are you?’ he said, “17. I’ve been 17 for awhile.” It was so cool! MLIT. by Scramble - My Life - Your life is SO Twilight! (52) - Not so much Twilight.. (7) WOW. Oooh, I’ve got one: Today I was hopping around the forest, munching some carrots, you know — the usual, when some glittery asshole killed me so he could drink my blood. WTF JERK?! MLIT. by Peter Rabbit - My Life - Your life is SO Twilight! (1,593) - Not so much Twilight.. (2) Feel free to write your own after the jump. Or, you can write a MLIG (My Life is Geekologie) if you want, I’m not stopping you. My Life Is Twilight Thanks to Jocelyn, who keeps her relationships with wolves are strictly platonic.

So there’s a new website out there that’s similar to fmylife , but instead of people talking about how much their lives suck, it’s a bunch girls talking about how much their lives are like Twilight , which is even sadder . Some examples: Today I asked my boyfriend if he would hold ice to his lips for a minute before he kissed me, so I could pretend I was kissing Edward. He did. MLIT by Rachel - Love - Your life is SO Twilight! (94) - Not so much Twilight.. (18) Today I was wearing my twilight t-shirt at the store. This pale guy with topaz eyes came up to me and said: “Say it. Say it out loud.” I squeled, and said “Vampire. How old are you?’ he said, “17. I’ve been 17 for awhile.” It was so cool! MLIT. by Scramble - My Life - Your life is SO Twilight! (52) - Not so much Twilight.. (7) WOW. Oooh, I’ve got one: Today I was hopping around the forest, munching some carrots, you know — the usual, when some glittery asshole killed me so he could drink my blood. WTF JERK?! MLIT. by Peter Rabbit - My Life - Your life is SO Twilight! (1,593) - Not so much Twilight.. (2) Feel free to write your own after the jump. Or, you can write a MLIG (My Life is Geekologie) if you want, I’m not stopping you. My Life Is Twilight Thanks to Jocelyn, who keeps her relationships with wolves are strictly platonic.