Ever wanted to float around the world in a pyramidal airship filled with enough hydrogen to burst into flames and OH THE HUMANITY! Towering kite-shaped airships could herald a new era of luxury transport following the introduction of the Aircruise concept. Standing 30 metres taller than One Canada Square in Canary Wharf, packing 330,000 cubic metres of hydrogen gas and capable of lifting 396 tonnes, the Aircruise concept features penthouse apartments, bars and dizzying glass viewing floors Silent and pollution free, the Aircruise combines solar power with a primary hydrogen drive for a cruising speed of around 90mph Aircruise was created as the antithesis of a hurried, crowded passenger jet. London-based design and innovation company Seymourpowell wanted to rethink transport - on the premise ’slow is the new fast’ “Slow is the new fast”, really? Because, at least according my love-making, fast is the new — honey why are you crying? What do you mean, “small isn’t the new adequate” either? YOU KNOW MY PUMP BROKE. Aircruise: giant hydrogen airships could herald a new era in luxury travel [telegraph] Thanks to Doug The 64 Year Old Roommate, who may or may not have died on the couch a week ago (I’m gonna poke him with a stick if he doesn’t move by Wednesday).

Alternatively, high-py birthday. Do I know my word wizardry or what? And don’t “or what” me either or you’ll leave me no choice but to WHIP YOUR MONKEY ASS. Yes I’m feeling fighty this morning. I think it was something in my coffee . Namely, the steroids. Kidding, I don’t juice. Unless we’re talking boxes in which case fruit punch, please. Blowing out the candles will never be a drag again! Time to roll out another birthday? Celebrate in style with our LIT! Birthday Candles. Set includes 8 perfectly rolled 3.5″ joint candles. Please remember to not inhale! Hoho, look at all those weedy puns! Huh? What do you mean I’m no better because I did the same thing? I AM TOO, JERK! Right? Somebody, anybody, back me up. Please? Product Site Thanks to Closet Nerd, who may or may not be hotboxing t closehatt even as I type (I suspect he is, his sweaters always smell).

Alternatively, high-py birthday. Do I know my word wizardry or what? And don’t “or what” me either or you’ll leave me no choice but to WHIP YOUR MONKEY ASS. Yes I’m feeling fighty this morning. I think it was something in my coffee . Namely, the steroids. Kidding, I don’t juice. Unless we’re talking boxes in which case fruit punch, please. Blowing out the candles will never be a drag again! Time to roll out another birthday? Celebrate in style with our LIT! Birthday Candles. Set includes 8 perfectly rolled 3.5″ joint candles. Please remember to not inhale! Hoho, look at all those weedy puns! Huh? What do you mean I’m no better because I did the same thing? I AM TOO, JERK! Right? Somebody, anybody, back me up. Please? Product Site Thanks to Closet Nerd, who may or may not be hotboxing t closehatt even as I type (I suspect he is, his sweaters always smell).

The Looftlighter is an $80 incendiary device that never actually produces a flame . Instead, it produces a wave of hot air at 1,000° Fahrenheit. That’s hot. Could you tell I was trying to say that like Paris Hilton? Well I hope you liked it, because I’m gonna go drown myself now. Unfortunately, the Lofftlighter has to be plugged in, which means you’re gonna need a monster extension cord if you wanna set your neighbor’s mailbox on fire. But on the plus side, it does look like a curling iron , so you can melt your sister’s face off. Start fires with hot air with the Looftlighter [dvice]

Ever seen a giant Santa on fire? Now you have. This electrical safety warning comes to us all the way from Santa Catarina, Brazil . Remember: despite what your father may have taught you, drinking and Christmas decorating don’t mix. “Russ, we checked every bulb , didn’t we?” Poor Santa, I can see him now, “HO, HO, HO, MEEERRY CHRISTMAS! HO, HO, HOLY SHIT I’M ON FIRE! AAAH IT BUUUUUUUURNS!” Hit the jump to see the whole progression from beginning to sad, sad end.

Honestly, I bet the old lady ran right into the side of the thing (old ladies are notoriously bad bike riders. *ahem* Grandma — I saw you hit that bus shelter!). There’s a before shot after the jump, but unfortunately the above image has since been removed from Google Maps . I smell conspiracy. I mean, it’s not like the old lady asked to have have it removed . Old people using computers — HA! They’re better at avoiding fire trucks! Hit it for the before shot and a link to the action area.

If you’ve been reading long enough, you may recall Everett Bradford’s Pyro System from early last year. Well now Everett is back with the Pyro System 2.2. Basically, it’s a bunch of 3rd degree burns waiting to happen. Ever seen a man melt his own face off before? I have, but only because I was tired of shaving. Suck it, electrolysis! Youtube Thanks to Ethan, Jeff and Matty, who all have flamethrowers mounted on their bikes so you won’t follow too close behind. Also, they just look cool.

Allegedly some Dutch guy’s iPhone spontaneously combusted in his passenger seat when he stepped away from his vehicle to fix a windmill and make a pair of wooden shoes. Per the translation: Pieter from Leiden had this afternoon, unfortunately the Dutch premiere of his iPhone 3G spontaneously started burning. His iPhone 3G was on the passenger’s seat in standby mode and not the charger. By returning to his car came thick black smoke through the door to the outside and the cause was his iPhone 3G in spontaneously fire was flown. Besides a total devastated iPhone 3G Pieter has also considerable damage to his car. Pieter has direct contact with Apple Netherlands and T-mobile but n och Apple or T-mobile still take some responsibility. Hey, weirder things have happened. I can’t think of any right now but I’m sure they have. Well, there was this one time I parked my car, opened the door, and there was a $10 SITTING RIGHT THERE. Explain that one without aliens. Exactly, you can’t. Hit the jump for two more shots of the damage.

Allegedly some Dutch guy’s iPhone spontaneously combusted in his passenger seat when he stepped away from his vehicle to fix a windmill and make a pair of wooden shoes. Per the translation: Pieter from Leiden had this afternoon, unfortunately the Dutch premiere of his iPhone 3G spontaneously started burning. His iPhone 3G was on the passenger’s seat in standby mode and not the charger. By returning to his car came thick black smoke through the door to the outside and the cause was his iPhone 3G in spontaneously fire was flown. Besides a total devastated iPhone 3G Pieter has also considerable damage to his car. Pieter has direct contact with Apple Netherlands and T-mobile but n och Apple or T-mobile still take some responsibility. Hey, weirder things have happened. I can’t think of any right now but I’m sure they have. Well, there was this one time I parked my car, opened the door, and there was a $10 SITTING RIGHT THERE. Explain that one without aliens. Exactly, you can’t. Hit the jump for two more shots of the damage.

In a tale of spontaneous human combustion , a man who had been huffing gasoline ( real Transformers drink it ) was tasered by police and went up in a ball of flames . Sweeeeeet. Police said they were responding to a complaint at a house when (36-year old Ronald) Mitchell ran outside carrying a cigarette lighter and a plastic bottle containing what they believed was fuel. When he refused to stop running towards them, one officer Tasered him, police said. The man was immediately engulfed in flames, but the officer threw him to the ground and smothered the blaze with his hands, the statement said. Mitchell was charged with assault to prevent arrest and possession of a sniffing substance. An 18-year-old woman threw rocks at the officer as he tried to help and he was later treated for a cut on his head and burns to his hands, police said. Ha, that chick brought rocks to a taser fight, what an idiot. And also, am I gonna get arrested for possession of of a sniffing substance for this can of gasoline? Because, sorry coppers, that ain’t happening! *glug glug glug glug glug* Transform and 7×7 is 35! Tasered ‘Petrol-Sniffer’ Bursts Into Flames [yahoonews] Thanks to Thumperchica, Justin, Jon, Stephen and Ptentacle, who wanted to roast marshmallows on him.