Two piece of shit thieves broke in and stole two Motorola Droid phones from a man’s apartment, then proceeded to take a bunch of pictures of themselves like the vain little failures that they are. Little did they know, little did they know . What they didn’t foresee, however, was that one of the phones would have the free Lookout app, which automatically backs up all photos taken with the handset to a user-accessible server every night. So, in the midst of testing out their ill-gotten loot, the criminals provided the phone’s legitimate owner with enough visual clues for the police to swoop in and apprehend one of them. BUSTED! I forsee a dark future for both of you in prison. And you know what they say about the food there: it’s better going down than getting packed back up . You two have fun! Android photo backup app reveals burglars’ identities, stupidity [engadget] Thanks to David B., who doesn’t steal anything but women’s hearts. Hey, as long as you’re not a hoarder.

Two piece of shit thieves broke in and stole two Motorola Droid phones from a man’s apartment, then proceeded to take a bunch of pictures of themselves like the vain little failures that they are. Little did they know, little did they know . What they didn’t foresee, however, was that one of the phones would have the free Lookout app, which automatically backs up all photos taken with the handset to a user-accessible server every night. So, in the midst of testing out their ill-gotten loot, the criminals provided the phone’s legitimate owner with enough visual clues for the police to swoop in and apprehend one of them. BUSTED! I forsee a dark future for both of you in prison. And you know what they say about the food there: it’s better going down than getting packed back up . You two have fun! Android photo backup app reveals burglars’ identities, stupidity [engadget] Thanks to David B., who doesn’t steal anything but women’s hearts. Hey, as long as you’re not a hoarder.

A wheelchaired man recently surrendered to a police bomb-disposal robot after unsuccessfully negotiating free pizza during a hostage situation in a rural Virginia post office. Not even kidding. Taylor initially fired shots from the building in Wytheville, but no one was injured. The drama came to an end when police ordered him to let the hostages go and come out with his hands up. Soon after, Taylor and three others left the post office. Police had negotiated with Taylor by phone, but he made no demands other than a request for a pizza. He is reported to have told police he had a military background. A team of SWAT police sheltered behind vehicles as Taylor wheeled himself out and “surrendered” to a bomb-disposal robot. Geez, how humiliating having to surrender to a robot. And not even a robot with giant lasers and razor saws, just one with a stick to poke bombs with. I would have had to hari-kari myself right there. And by hari-kari I mean put that thing in a headlock and demand extra breadsticks. Wheelchair gunman surrenders to police robot [londoneveningstandard] Thanks to nick bacon, whose last name is actually bacon and I that makes me jealous.

18-year old idiot moron James N. P. Miller (because one initial wasn’t enough) scored a DWI (you can’t even drink legally!) on Halloween while wearing his ‘blow here’ breathalyzer costume . Not so good lookin’, N.P. Can I call you N.P.? You know I’m going to anyways. According to a police report, 18-year-old James N. P. Miller, of Cincinnati, was seen driving the wrong way out of the entrance to a one-way street at East Park Place in Oxford. Inside his car, officers allegedly found an open container of Bud Light in the center console. Officers also found what was left of a case of Bud Light in the passenger side front seat and in the trunk. The legal limit in Ohio is .08 BAC–Miller tested at .158. He was cited for operating a vehicle while intoxicated (among other violations) and released to his girlfriend. I actually know a guy that wore the same costume on Halloween and try as I might, I couldn’t get a reading. I dunno, dead batteries or something. Moron In Breathalyzer Costume Busted For Driving Drunk [gizmodo] Thanks to Chris, who blew even harder than I did.

Want to rob a house? Need a mask ? Pfft, just Sharpie your face off like these idiot morons ! Note: +2 homoerotic style points to Matthew for opting for a Robin mask. Police said they had no trouble identifying two men accused of trying to break into a Carroll apartment. Police were responding to a call about an attempted burglary when they pulled over a car matching the alleged suspects’ vehicle. Inside the car, officers found two men with their faces blackened with permanent marker. Police said the caller described two men with painted faces attempting to break into an apartment Friday night before driving off. Wow. I haven’t seen two bigger bags of fail in a long time. I can’t stop laughing! Mmmm, nitrous. Makes me want to go to dental school. Police: Marker Bandits Arrested [kcci] Thanks to Kelly, who once tried robbing a house with a bra over her face but was arrested when she got stuck trying to climb through the doggy door.

Some idiot moron , in an effort to become the world’s biggest failure at life , used 662,258 text messages on his iPhone in a month. Plus the jerkbag got the 12,301 page itemized bill sent to him, so he doesn’t even care about trees. I did the math, and it comes out to sending a text message just about every 4 seconds, all day every day. So I assume there was some sort of automated program involved. Also, a monster douche. Hit the jump for two videos of the idiot looking at his bill.

Melissa Catherine Smith-Means (she is too!), 37, of Gaylesville, Alabama, was arrested for child abuse after dragging her unisex child through a Verizon Wireless store using a kiddy- leash . As punishment, Melissa is going to be leashed and dragged down every aisle of a Best Buy. Just sayin’ — it’s Alabama, folks, they do things differently. Like talk and guns. I’ve lived there, I know . Woman Drags Child Through Verizon Store [techeblog] Thanks to trishna87 and gypsyking, who don’t drag anything but their feet. Seriously, stop being so lazy you two.

Two quality parenting posts in a row, whee (literally this time)! Apparently some kids stole a Wii and then had their mom pawn the console so they could split the money . You’ll have to excuse me, I’m getting a little chocked up just thinking about the quality bonding time they must have spent in the car on the way to the pawnshop. Police have already arrested 18-year-old Joshua Carter, 16-year-old Patrick Early, and 13-year-old Derrick Henson on felony charges for stealing a neighbor’s Nintendo Wii video game system. However, Early admitted to police that his mom, 41-year-old Maxine Law, helped the teens sell the Wii at a local pawn shop even though she knew it was stolen. Wow, stealing from the neighbors. That’s almost as bad as the time I stole my own watch from myself…. …. …. HEY — GIVE ME THAT BACK! Kids Steal Wii, Mom Arrested After Pawning It [wftv] Thanks to GLiTCH, who once stole a woman’s heart. Grody.

A Missouri woman offered a man her 1-year old child for use as a taser shield when he was being confronted by cops . Now that’s just solid parenting. Officers were at an apartment checking on an assault claim made by the woman when a man confronted them, making threats. One of the officers displayed a Taser as the man approached. Police said the mother offered her child to the man, placing the toddler in the Taser’s path. The man, 22, faces two counts of resisting arrest. The woman, 20, was charged with endangering the welfare of a child and interfering with an arrest. She was arrested Tuesday night and placed at the Marion County jail on a 24-hour hold. Wow, just….wow. Thank God tasers weren’t so prevalent when I was a kid or my parents would have probably put an add in the newspaper. I can see it now: FOR SALE : One child, male. Large head, cries a lot. Would make a great taser shield. Mo. mom accused of using child to block Taser [yahoonews] Thanks to Noah, who knows only teenagers should be used for blocking tasers. Also, lasers. PEW PEW!

This is music-video remix of Vince “bitch, that’s my tongue” Shlomi’s famous Slap Chop commercial . It drove me crazy and I was this close to jamming a butter knife into a wall outlet. But, I must admit, whoever made it did do a good editing job. So, whoever you are, my hat’s off to you. But my pants — well, I’m saving those for you , ma’am.* *Meet me in the back of the bus. Youtube via Slap Chop Remix Breathes New Life Into Worthless Gadget, Vince’s Career? [gizmodo] Thanks to Julian and Noah, who once slap chopped a bunch of ninjas in the face and made them cry throwing stars. True story.