Matthew here went and got sunglasses tattooed on his face . That way he’ll never misplace them! But I still wouldn’t stare directly at the sun with them on. Oh who am I kidding — of course I would. BUT ONLY BECAUSE I’M A MODERN GALILEO. So yeah — put that in your pipe telescope and smoke watch a neighbor undress with it. Hit the jump for a video of the tattooing in action and a link to Matthew’s Flickr gallery documenting the whole shebang.

Vanja Mrgan is a Croatian illustrator with a dream, a dream of imagining what normally beardless superheroes would look like with some manly facial hair . Although they aren’t actually all superheroes , some are jerks like Boba Fett . Now I know what you’re thinking, “damn, I wonder what the GW would look like with a beard?” And the answer to that, my friends, is magical . Ever seen a unicorn being born? They fly out of my face. Hit the jump for a few more and a link to Vanja’s deviantART page with even more (ongoing project).

Not to be outclassed by the recent Drybones baby , a family in the U.K. claims to be birthing Michael Jackson’s head. And, based on the ultrasonic evidence, I have to admit: that is indeed Michael Jackson getting poked in the nose with a penis turd. Mum and dad-to-be Dawn Kelley and William Hickman, from Sunderland, couldn’t believe their eyes when looking at this scan of their unborn baby - seeing the face of Jacko staring back at them. But the baby will not be called Michael - the couple know they’re having a girl. Ms Kelley, who is 24 weeks’ pregnant, due in March, said: “I’ve had plenty of scans before and none of the photos have ever looked like this. It’s a bit spooky. “But it is my seventh child, and seven is a mythical number.” Mythical number 7, riiiiiiight. Listen, I’m not so sure you should be breeding so much. Probably should have stuck with good ol’ non-mythical 0. Just sayin’! (Do you know anything about dragons?) ‘Our unborn baby looks like Michael Jackson!’ [shieldsgazette] Thanks to Aslan=Jesus and The Geekologies Writer lover, who, have you been drinking again?

The Humunga Stache is a $12 piece of molded rubber . One side’s a ball , and the other is giant freaking mustache . So when your dog bites the ball, guess what happens! (Hint: you take pictures and post them Facebook with clever captions). Add some low-cost laughs to your frequent frolics with Fido! This shiny black toy is a ball on one end, and a giant cartoon mustache on the other. Dogs naturally pick up the ball…which leaves the outrageously funny mustache sticking out! Dogs also love to hold the ball in their mouth, and shake the mustache back and forth! Not a bad idea. Of course, my dog would just chew up the whole damn thing. You see, she’s a bitch. And, based on those tits in the pic, so is Fido. Animal cruelty! Product Site via Humunga Stache [likecool] Thanks to Niki, whose bitch has a real mustache and moonlights as a carny.

The Happiness Hat is a little beanie that senses if you’re smiling and stabs you in the back of the head with a spike if you’re not. It was designed by Lauren McCarthy to train your brain to smile, but it would probably just train my brain to leak out the hole it’s made. You can’t teach an old blogger to smile! Or wear pants to the office. Get an eyeful, Superficial Writer , you know you want to! Lauren McCarthy’s Website Thanks to Lauren, the mad hatter herself, for Pavlovian dogging the shit out of modern facial conditioning.

Junior Fritz Jacquet is an artist that loves working with paper and has created a series of small masks by bending and folding empty toilet paper rolls. Good looking, Junior (we named the dog Indiana). I really think this is testament to the creativity of the human mind. It’s amazing, you know? Junior here sees an empty toilet paper roll and thinks art. Me? I think, “damnit — what hand’s it gonna be this time?” Hit the jump for a whole gallery of faces.

To ensure employees at Keihin Electric Express Railway in Japan are putting their best lip forward, the company has implemented a “smile check” policy, in which workers will be required to smile into a camera and have their mug subjected to software analysis of their happiness . The device analyzes the facial characteristics of a person, including eye movements, lip curves and wrinkles, and rates a smile on a scale between 0 and 100 percent using a camera and computer. For those with low scores, advice like “You still look too serious,” or “Lift up your mouth corners,” will be displayed on the screen. Some 530 employees of the Tokyo-based railway company will check their smiles with Smile Scan before starting work each day. They will print out and carry around an image of their best smile in an attempt to remember it. Wow. I smell discrimination. Or fire. Shit, yep that’s definitely fire. HEEEEEELP! Wait a minute. *sniff* Pork chop sandwiches! Your Smile Will Be Monitored To Evaluate Quality Of Service [io9] Thanks to Trin, who once killed a robot with a smile. Brave move, Trin.

In an unshocking turn of events that surprised no one, it turns out the tattooed star face girl is a dirty liar and a slag . Okay, I dunno about the slag part, but I’ve always wanted to say it and figured now’s my chance. Kimberley Vlaeminck, 18, claimed that she’d asked for three small stars but fell asleep during the procedure and woke up with a whole galaxy on her face. But she has now confessed she knew exactly what tattoo parlour owner Rouslan Toumaniantz was doing but changed her mind later. She said she lied because her father was “furious”. Pathetic. Of course your father got furious, Kimberley, THAT’S WHAT FATHERS DO. Also, drink and forget your birthday. Tattoo girl: ‘I lied about my stars’ [metro] Thanks to Thumperchica, who called this from the beginning because she has common sense can see the future.

In an unshocking turn of events that surprised no one, it turns out the tattooed star face girl is a dirty liar and a slag . Okay, I dunno about the slag part, but I’ve always wanted to say it and figured now’s my chance. Kimberley Vlaeminck, 18, claimed that she’d asked for three small stars but fell asleep during the procedure and woke up with a whole galaxy on her face. But she has now confessed she knew exactly what tattoo parlour owner Rouslan Toumaniantz was doing but changed her mind later. She said she lied because her father was “furious”. Pathetic. Of course your father got furious, Kimberley, THAT’S WHAT FATHERS DO. Also, drink and forget your birthday. Tattoo girl: ‘I lied about my stars’ [metro] Thanks to Thumperchica, who called this from the beginning because she has common sense can see the future.

Allegedly Kimberley Vlaminck, 18, went into a tattoo parlor and requested three stars on the left side of her face by her eye . However, she claims she fell asleep during the procedure and woke up with 56. I suspect she’s lying. Rouslan, who runs the tattoo parlour called The Tattoo Box in Courtrai, said Kimberley was awake and actually looked in the mirror several times during the procedure to see how it was going. ‘He said she knew ‘exactly what she wanted. The trouble all started when she went home and her father and boyfriend threw a fit. They are saying things now like I doped her or hypnotised her. What rubbish!’ ‘She asked for 56 stars and that’s what she got.’ Well, I hope you’ve all learned a valuable lesson from this story. One about how sweet Kimberley would look with a little rocketship added right by her mouth. I WILL SUPERNOVA YOUR FACE! What did she expect? Incredible face revealed of the man who tattooed girl with 56 stars when she only asked for three [dailymail] Thanks to Chuck Nunchuck, Rémy and STOMPY, who all went to the same dentist to get their teeth cleaned and walked out swinging 2X manhammers.