Ged Gavin, 55, has a bionic ass and doesn’t care who knows. Which is good because I definitely just texted everyone in my phone . And by texted I mean sexted . All the kids are doing it. What? Yes I’d jump off a bridge! Mr Galvin suffered massive internal injuries and had to be fitted with a colostomy bag until surgeons at the Royal London Hospital could perform the complex operation to rebuild his bottom. The medical team took a muscle from above his knee, wrapped it around his sphincter, and then attached electrodes to the nerves. These are now operated by a palm-sized remote control that he carries in his pocket. “They call me the man with the bionic bottom, but that doesn’t bother me. My gratitude to the surgeons is endless because what they have done is a miracle.” Colostomy bag or a bionic ass, that’s a tough call. I’d probably opt for a bullet in my head. Kidding, suicide is never the answer. Unless you’re my ex-wife, in which case it totally is. Man uses remote to control his ‘bionic bottom’ [telegraph] Thanks to Ross, who uses a remote control to chew but is starving because he lost the thing in a couch.

Did you know that in an emergency situation you can drink the juice out of elephant shit? No, because you’d rather die . And I’d imagine puking afterward would probably end up doing more harm than good. But Bear Grylls is all man. Also, I love how a piece of shit almost falls in his mouth at 0:34, classic. Youtube Thanks to Tim, who tried it with baby shit and *HORF*

Typically, you don’t want bags of crap hanging around for too long. But not Daniel Bennett — he loves that shit! Now he’s furious that Leeds University custodians threw away part of his doctoral work — a 77lb bag of Butaan Lizard dung it took him 7 years to collect. “Whether it was the largest collection of lizard shit in the world is uncertain, but it certainly contained the only dietary sample from that little-known species Varanus olivaceus, and probably the most complete dietary record of any single population of animals in South East Asia. Its loss left me reeling and altered the course of my life forever.” First of all, Daniel, I don’t think “shit” is the proper scientific nomenclature. And secondly, if losing a bag of crap can alter the course of your life forever, well, it’s time you take a long, hard look at your life anyways. Just saying, tons of birdshit on my car. University apologises for lizard dung clear-out [wigantoday] Thanks to RyanThePerson, who is an actual human and not just shit stacked that high.