ESPN and Discovery have announced plans to launch 3D networks in the coming year. THR reports that ESPN will unveil theirs this summer, beginning with the first 2010 World Cup match (between South Africa and Mexico.) Discovery is teaming…

According to Fox News, arguably the hardest hitting news organization besides Geekologie and any other news organization , these are the most obvious scientific discoveries of 2009. They are (in no particular order): *High Heels Lead to Foot Pain (And Extra Height) *Men Much More Interested Than Women in Casual Sex (And Monster Trucks) *Eating Lots of Red Meat and Processed Meat Is Bad for You (But Delicious) *Kids’ TV Is Full of Ads for High-Fat and High-Sugar Foods (Plus Tampons) *Children Are Affected When a Parent Suffers From Depression (Or Stroke) *Coed Dorms Fuel Sex and Drinking (Not Video Games?!) *Sweets Taste Better When You’re High (YES THEY DO!) *G-Rated Children’s Films Are Very Straight (X-Rated Adult Films Can Still Be Very Gay) Geez, what’s the matter with scientists these days? Sure we could be trying to cure cancer or making reliable time machines, but instead scientists are busy getting high, watching Disney films and trying to get experiment participants to sleep with them. That’s pretty low (teach me everything you know). No Duh! The Most Obvious Scientific Discoveries of 2009 [foxnews] Thanks to Jed, who discovered beef jerky in 2009 and has been loving it all year long.

In news that shouldn’t surprise anyone, not even my grandma (who thinks computers are fancy televisions from the future), a recent study has found that the geek stereotype keeps women from pursuing careers in computer science. “When people think of computer science, the image that immediately pops into many of their minds is of the computer geek surrounded by such things as computer games, science-fiction memorabilia and junk food,” said lead researcher Sapna Cheryan, an assistant professor of psychology at the University of Washington. “That stereotype doesn’t appeal to many women who don’t like the portrait of masculinity that it evokes.” Not only are women missing out on some of the “best career opportunities, but computer science is missing out on female perspectives,” Cheryan and her colleagues wrote in a recent issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. Well I can’t say that I’m surprised. But I can say this explains why the lot of you haven’t had any contact with women since going off to college (shoot for a studio art degree ). Hit the link for more info on how the study was conducted. You know, if you’re bored. Geeks drive girls out of computer science [msnbc] Thanks to FDSY, who only drives women out of the locker room.

So apparently the moon might consist of a network of interconnected tubes , like Swiss cheese . OMG the astronauts are gonna eat it! AAAAAAAAAAH I’M SO JEALOUS! Images have revealed a hole on the Moon’s surface that is at least 260 feet deep and may lead to an underground tunnel more than 1,200 feet wide which is part of an entire network of such winding tubes. Scientists are hoping for clearer shots from NASA’s Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter, but the impression so far is that such a tunnel network could provide shelter for astronauts or potential future Moon colonists. Two words: giant space worms. Shut up, the giant is silent! But only while he sleeps. Kidding, he’s a snorer! I’m not insane, you’re insane. Plus a jerk. Newly Discovered Hole On Moon Leads To Network Of Tubes [gizmodo]

You see that handsome little devil Steven Spielberg’s holding? That’s a Fruitadens haagarorum , the smallest dino ever discovered in North America . I want a million of them. No, even more than that. The newly identified creature weighed less than two pounds and stood about 4 inches tall. From head to tail, it measured a little over 2 feet long, said Luis Chiappe, director of the Dinosaur Institute of the Natural History Museum of Los Angeles County where the fossil bones are stored. It likely ate plants and hunted bugs during the late Jurassic period, about 150 million years ago. It was so tiny and fast that it probably darted between the legs of larger dinosaurs, researchers said. The dinosaur “would have looked like a roadrunner on steroids,” Chiappe said. Oh man, can you actually imagine a roadrunner on steroids? That poor coyote. Fossil bones of smallest dinosaur [wtnh] Thanks to zerv, who asked if I have a size cut off which was rude because I DON’T DISCRIMINATE AGAINST LITTLE PEOPLE WHY WOULD I DINOS?

Because space is awesome and full of mysteries (and butt-naked aliens ), scientists just recently discovered a freaking huge new ice-and-dust ring around Saturn . I want it for engagement! Although the ring dust is very cold — minus 316 degrees Fahrenheit — it shines with thermal radiation. No one had looked at its location with an infrared instrument until now, Clavin said. The bulk of the ring material starts about 3.7 million miles from the planet and extends outward about another 7.4 million miles. The newly found ring is so huge it would take 1 billion Earths to fill it, JPL said. 1 billion earths — that’s a lot! Not as many as you could fit in my stomach, but I’ve been expanding it with balloons. I’m gonna be a drug mule! NASA telescope discovers giant ring around Saturn [comcastnews] Thanks to Calabasa209, who has been to space and knows things. Things you wouldn’t even believe. I’m talking wormhole shit. Makes great fertilizer!

Because space is awesome and full of mysteries (and butt-naked aliens ), scientists just recently discovered a freaking huge new ice-and-dust ring around Saturn . I want it for engagement! Although the ring dust is very cold — minus 316 degrees Fahrenheit — it shines with thermal radiation. No one had looked at its location with an infrared instrument until now, Clavin said. The bulk of the ring material starts about 3.7 million miles from the planet and extends outward about another 7.4 million miles. The newly found ring is so huge it would take 1 billion Earths to fill it, JPL said. 1 billion earths — that’s a lot! Not as many as you could fit in my stomach, but I’ve been expanding it with balloons. I’m gonna be a drug mule! NASA telescope discovers giant ring around Saturn [comcastnews] Thanks to Calabasa209, who has been to space and knows things. Things you wouldn’t even believe. I’m talking wormhole shit. Makes great fertilizer!

A 47-million year old skeleton of what is believed to be the “missing link” in human’s evolutionary split from tree-swinging, bug picking, shit throwing apes has been found in Germany and nicknamed “Ida”. “This is the first link to all humans,” Hurum, of the Natural History Museum in Oslo, Norway, said in a statement. Ida represents “the closest thing we can get to a direct ancestor.” Ida, properly known as Darwinius masillae , has a unique anatomy. The lemur-like skeleton features primate-like characteristics, including grasping hands, opposable thumbs, clawless digits with nails, and relatively short limbs. Now I know what you’re thinking, and yes, I would hit that like a bushel of bananas with a coconut. Ha, what do you mean that’s like my great great great great great great great great great grandmother to the thousandth power? AND SO WHAT IF IT IS? “MISSING LINK” FOUND: New Fossil Links Humans, Lemurs? [nationalgeographic] Thanks to Matty, Chris, chubo, Andrew, Jon, Dylan and Paul, who have all slept with cavewomen and liked it. Furplay, baby.

What you’re looking at is believed to be the oldest sculpture of a human found to date, and was carved out of a mammoth’s tusk . That’s right, mammoth — the very same mount Jesus used to ride into battle. Wow! The distorted object, which portrays a woman with huge breasts, big buttocks and exaggerated genitals, is thought to be at least 35,000 years old. The 6cm-tall figurine, reported in the journal Nature, is the latest find to come from Hohle Fels Cave in Germany. “I think there are good reasons to emphasise sexual interpretations, but we really don’t know whether it is coming from a more male or a more female perspective. We don’t know very much about how the artefact was used.” Oh man, those cave people were a classy bunch, were they not? They so were. And such the artisans. But seriously, is that really the way women used to look back then? Because, if so, BBW AND mammoths? *firing up time machine* Somebody smells a threesome! Hit the jump for another picture with more angles.

Earth Day Fools! Oh, wait, no. Apparently this is real , and only 20.5 light-years away! Ladies and gentlemen — start your rocket engines . PSSSSHOOOOOOOOW! PEW PEW. The Gliese 581 planetary system now has four known planets, with masses of about 1.9 (planet e, left in the foreground), 16 (planet b, nearest to the star), 5 (planet c, center), and 7 Earth-masses (planet d, with the bluish colour). Michel Mayor, a well-known exoplanet researcher from the Geneva Observatory, announced the find today. The planet, “e,” in the famous system Gliese 581, is only about twice the mass of our Earth. The team also refined the orbit of the planet Gliese 581 d, first discovered in 2007, placing it well within the habitable zone, where liquid water oceans could exist. Planet Gliese 581 d, is that really the best they could do? GIVE IT A REAL DAMN NAME ALREADY. I propose Waterworld . And speaking of which, that was a hell of a movie, was it not? Oh, I’m getting a “no” from The IWatchStuff Writer . But he had gills, man, gills ! Nearly Earth-sized Planet, Possible Watery World Spotted Near Another Star [universetoday] Thanks to Morgana, who, for an Earth-related tip on Earth Day, wins a free trip to Gliese 581 d, just as soon I finish my rocketship.