You ever seen a robot-child pulling a kid around in a rickshaw? Now you have. And I think I speak for all of us when I say, “I want to cut its legs off and steal those glasses”. A creepy kid’s ride where they ride other (robot) kids, in the SM City Marikina mall in the Philippines. This is wrong on so many levels, we don’t know where to begin. Damnit, the Philippines. I’ve already got both hands full(!) keeping Japan’s collective robo-boner in check and you go and pull some shit like this. Believe me, you don’t want to follow in the footsteps of Japan (except for the worn-panty vending machines — those things draw hella-tourism). Youtube Thanks to Dj Azer, who would have tripped that kid and stole his wagon.

It’s a giant baby robot . It exemplifies everything that’s wrong with robotics . Namely, that they exist — or were born , if you will (L337 baby tie-in FTW!). It shouldn’t exist. If I had a time machine I’d go back in time and make sure it was never created bang dinos. Sorry guys, I’ve got priorities. the robot is supposed to model a 1 year old baby and the purpose is to conduct research on how a baby’s brain develops. Diego-san’s face has about 20 moving parts so that it can communicate with facial expression without being able to talk. It is 130cm tall, weighs 30kg and can stand up from a chair on its own. It can hold a water bottle with its hand. It has a high resolution camera and 6 axis acceleration sensor built in to detect movement. Unfortunately it doesn’t say why the head has to be so big. Female researchers contributed to the design and coordination - thus the photo of woman hugging Diego-san. Pfft. Like you really need a creepy-ass robot to study how a baby’s brain develops? Here, let me solve that mystery for you: slowly. I have an eleven-year old who still craps his pants. And before you all get in a huff about scarring my son by airing his dirty laundry (God I’m good) on Geekologie, don’t worry: it’s not like he can read. Hit the jump for a larger shot of the baby and his inventor.

You know what your dog needs? A f***ing walk. Not oxygen therapy. But hey, it’s available if you want it. Just don’t expect us to stay friends afterward. I CAN’T EVEN LOOK AT YOU ANYMORE! Developed by Air Press, the chambers are designed to help the dogs relax from their stressful days of eating, walking and being frequently petted by their human servants owners. Located in Yoyogi Uehara, the service goes for about 2,000 yen ($21) for 30 minutes Jesus, oxygen therapy for your pets? I NEED THAT OXYGEN. Seriously, it’s all fun and games till we’re huffing that shit out of cans like in Spaceballs. I’d hate to have to survive off whippits. No, no I wouldn’t. To the grocery store! Air Press chamber offers oxygen therapy for your pet [dvice]

I don’t know if you could tell by the title but I was implying that I would tear that robotic bastard limb from limb right there in aisle four between the baby food and Maxi-Pads . Ain’t no robot handling these eggs! The robotic assistant — an advanced version of the Robovie-II android developed by Advanced Telecommunications Research Institute International (ATR) — is the centerpiece of a networked system of robots, sensors and digital technology designed to make shopping more convenient and entertaining for the elderly. In the video above, which shows part of a test conducted on December 10, the child-sized robot accompanies a 67-year-old woman while she shops for mandarin oranges and broccoli. In addition to carrying the woman’s shopping basket, the robot reminds her to get the mandarin oranges, recommends the apples (which the robot says are delicious this season), reminds her to get the broccoli, and suggests including lettuce in her salad along with the broccoli. On several occasions, the robot remarks on how delicious the items look. That’s ridiculous. Who the hell’s gonna buy something BECAUSE A FREAKIN’ ROBOT TELLS YOU IT LOOKS DELICIOUS? Oh, right . DAMNIT OLD PEOPLE! I hope you like drain cleaner in your cereal. Hit the jump for the video of the poisoner in action.

Damnit, Japan — and just last post I was singing your praises about your breakthrough in upskirting technology AND NOW YOU HAVE TO GO AND RUIN IT . This hurts, Japan. This really hurts. DON’T TRY TO HUG ME. The mechanical doppelgangers are available for a limited time as part of a special New Year’s promotional sale at Sogo, Seibu, and Robinson’s department stores. They will be built by Japanese robotics firm Kokoro, which is perhaps best known for its line of Actroid receptionist humanoids. In addition to providing the robot with the owner’s face, body, hair, eyes and eyelashes, Kokoro will model the robot’s facial expressions and upper body movements after the buyer. The robot’s speech will be based on recordings of the owner’s voice. Thankfully, they’re only making two and each will cost a staggering $223,000. But you’ve got to admit, that’s a small price to pay for being killed by a robotic version of yourself, amirite? NO I’M NOT RIGHT THAT WAS A TEST AND YOU F***ING FAILED! You will never pass my class! Hit the jump for a poster advertising the Actroid receptionist humanoid (same chassis on which these will be built).

This is a video of a dancing robot girl that was shot (the footage, not the robot — unfortunately) during the very disturbing (and fundamentally wrong) ROBO-ONE GATE Dance Competition. A dancing robot competition? Really? That’s it, I’m heading to the moon . The 6th ROBO-ONE GATE IN INTERNATIONAL ROBOT EXHIBITION 2009 Dance Competiton spons took place in Tokyo Big Sight, during INTERNATIONAL ROBOT EXHIBITION 2009 , on Nov. 28th, 2009. `LOVE & JOY, Yuhi Kimura` by Doka Harumi (Doka Project). No one survived the performance. Jesus, this is the shit nightmares are made of. You know, the kind you wake up from with a full load. And don’t even act like it’s never happened, it’s happened . I ran into your mom at the grocery store! Doka Harumi’s robot dance routine fills us with shame for humanity, but mostly Japan [engadget] Thanks to Mycropht, who once danced with a robot BUT ONLY TO GET CLOSE ENOUGH TO PLANT THE C4. Good lookin’, Micropht.

Japanese companies unveiled several new models of robotic-chefs at the recent Tokyo International Food Machinery and Tech Expo., and I, for one, am never eating out again. Kidding, ladies. Here’s a breakdown of the video: 0:00 - 0:18 : Pancake cooking robot sucks at flipping. 0:19 - 0:25 : Robot sympathizer sympathizes with robots. You will not be saved. 0:26 - 0:39 : Creepy looking realistic hand robot serves sushi, your fingers . 0:40 - 0:46 : Depressed, engineer is depressed. 0:47 - 0:54 : Crooked hat robot pleasures itself furiously with cucumber. 0:55 - 1:07 : Segway-ass looking robot roofies your drink on it’s way from the bar. There you have it, I’m officially only eating PB&J sandwiches with ingredients processed in non-robotic factories. And if you think I’m joking you’ve got another thing coming. Namely, *POW* — my fist. Youtube Thanks to calluless, get100pens, This Is Me Posting, Kai, Marcy, Daniel, 24-bit whore, Julian, Jawn and Draw, who would rather starve to death than eat robot-food.

Wow, they’re not even trying to make them look cute anymore. The Japanese born ROBOTOPS is a construction robot whose name is spelled in all caps because IT MEANS BUSINESS. The killing business. The four-legged, two-armed robot is actually a kind of automated mobile crane with 29 functioning joints for picking off humans, and of course the occasional piece of construction material. Using a high quality three-chip CCD camera, the robot can be operated remotely for particularly dangerous jobs. And no, I didn’t alter that quote at all. Finally, people are starting to get the picture. It’s comforting to know I’m not the only one that sees a problem here. Seriously, Japan — you know I love you (manga, sushi, worn panty vending machines), but this shit has got to stop. Because if not, well, Godzilla . Just sayin’, we share a special bond (read: intercourse). Japanese construction firm unleashes insectoid robot crane on humanity [dvice] Thanks to cougar78, Aaron and John, who know the only good robots are the little guys from Batteries Not Included . Am I right? No, that was a test and you all failed.