62-year old Dennis Anderson of Bumfunk, Minnesota was arrested last year for drunkenly driving his motorized La-Z-Boy into a parked car. Anderson’s blood alcohol content was 0.29, which is impressive for a sexagenarian, but if mine falls below that I start to feel sick. Anderson’s customized vehicle, seen in the police evidence photos on the following pages, is powered by an eight horsepower Kohler lawnmower engine, and has a stereo, headlights, a built-in cup holder, and a “Hell Yeah It’s Fast” bumper sticker. The ride, however, does not have a seat belt. Anderson, pictured above, controlled the La-Z-Boy via a steering wheel protruding from its seat cushion. The vehicle’s headrest was adorned with the logo of the National Hot Rod Association. Following his guilty plea, Anderson was sentenced to 180 days in jail and ordered to pay a $2000 fine. A judge stayed Anderson’s jail term in lieu of his successful completion of a two-year supervised probation term. First of all, I can’t believe it doesn’t have a pop-out leg rest. And secondly, I can’t believe it doesn’t have a built in cooler. Where the hell was Anderson getting all the beers? And don’t tell me a beer tree because I’mma rent a backhoe and uproot that tree. I wanna know where the beer at. I want the beer . Gimme the beer — I want the beer . Man Pleads To La-Z-Boy DWI [smoking gun] Thanks to Closet Nerd, Occasional Reader, Kevin, B-Rad and Lord Tarl, who would have been smart enough to kick up the leg rest (because they would have built theirs with leg rests) and nap it off.

62-year old Dennis Anderson of Bumfunk, Minnesota was arrested last year for drunkenly driving his motorized La-Z-Boy into a parked car. Anderson’s blood alcohol content was 0.29, which is impressive for a sexagenarian, but if mine falls below that I start to feel sick. Anderson’s customized vehicle, seen in the police evidence photos on the following pages, is powered by an eight horsepower Kohler lawnmower engine, and has a stereo, headlights, a built-in cup holder, and a “Hell Yeah It’s Fast” bumper sticker. The ride, however, does not have a seat belt. Anderson, pictured above, controlled the La-Z-Boy via a steering wheel protruding from its seat cushion. The vehicle’s headrest was adorned with the logo of the National Hot Rod Association. Following his guilty plea, Anderson was sentenced to 180 days in jail and ordered to pay a $2000 fine. A judge stayed Anderson’s jail term in lieu of his successful completion of a two-year supervised probation term. First of all, I can’t believe it doesn’t have a pop-out leg rest. And secondly, I can’t believe it doesn’t have a built in cooler. Where the hell was Anderson getting all the beers? And don’t tell me a beer tree because I’mma rent a backhoe and uproot that tree. I wanna know where the beer at. I want the beer . Gimme the beer — I want the beer . Man Pleads To La-Z-Boy DWI [smoking gun] Thanks to Closet Nerd, Occasional Reader, Kevin, B-Rad and Lord Tarl, who would have been smart enough to kick up the leg rest (because they would have built theirs with leg rests) and nap it off.

The Intelligent Bump is a speed bump that lowers itself if a driver is under a predetermined speed . It has no effect on me though because I drive a hovercar from the future. Dubbed the Intelligent Bump, this clever system by Mexico-based Decano Industries actually retracts if you’re “going slow enough”, rewarding cautious drivers. These bumps are priced at an affordable $1,500 each. “The system uses metal plates that measure the force of an impact against them. Cars going slow enough will cause the plates to lower, though any faster and the speed bump will remain where it is.” Listen, I hate speed bumps as much as the next person, but if I find out my state government is blowing $1,500 a pop for the things I’m gonna stop paying taxes. And by stop I mean never start. I’m flying under the radar, whee! Oh — now I’m barnstorming! NNNNNNEEEEEAAAROOOOOOOM. Hit the jump to see an animation of the bump in action that may or may not have contracted out to a kindergarten art class.

One of the iconic Oscar Meyer Wienermobiles crashed into a Wisconsin home on Friday, following a failed turn-around. Police say the driver was trying to turn the Wienermobile around in the driveway and thought she was moving in reverse. But she instead went forward and hit the home. It sat in the driveway as if it were stuck in the garage Friday afternoon. Ha, women. I can’t believe we still issue them licenses. But seriously, if any of you ladies need a hot dog parked in your garage, call me. I’m sensitive to a woman’s needs . Wienermobile Crashes Into Wisconsin Home [foxnews] Thanks to Dustin, FDSY, Masami and phil, who prefer to park around back.

Two wheels in the front, one in the back — that’s crazy talk! But not for this Piaggio scooter , which looks eerily like the lovechild of my moped and Darth Vader’s Segway . The Piaggio MP3 500 Scooter ($9,000) features a unique three-wheel design, providing a more stable, secure, and easier ride. Features include a 493cc engine, a maximum speed of 89mph, 55-57 mpg gas mileage, a lean angle of 40 degrees, 20% less braking distance than traditional two-wheeled scooters, and aggressive looks that will help you stand out from the Vespa crowd. I really want one, but I know that it would kill me. Well technically IT wouldn’t kill me, it would be hitting the bottom of the canyon. Hey guys, watch this! Piaggio MP3 500 Scooter [uncrate] Thanks to naas, who once popped a wheelie and crashed into a telephone pole. He limped from the scene.