I’ve Chatrouletted long enough to know nothing good is gonna come out of it. That was six seconds. Just long enough to try to take a reasonable screenshot while I was writing a post about it , seeing a man’s penis, and marking the website as unsafe in my internet browser. Anyway, this is funny Chatroulette picture and pretty much exemplifies what you can expect when signing on. Don’t even bother if you’re hoping for anything better. Although I did see a naked lady once. Well, a picture of one anyways. Right before the guy pulled it away from the webcam and exposed himself. Like I said, six seconds. Picture Thanks to Amber, who knows better than to Chatroulette after dark. Or anytime for that matter.

Somebody with way too much time on their hands recently had a one-sided Pokemon battle with a girl on Omegle . It’s moderately humorous, but there are a fair amount of words to read if you’re not into that. And if you’re not into that, you’re probably not reading this. Dick. Haha, you didn’t even read that. Jerk. I did it again! Hit the jump to read the rest of the battle.

Somebody with way too much time on their hands recently had a one-sided Pokemon battle with a girl on Omegle . It’s moderately humorous, but there are a fair amount of words to read if you’re not into that. And if you’re not into that, you’re probably not reading this. Dick. Haha, you didn’t even read that. Jerk. I did it again! Hit the jump to read the rest of the battle.

Want to learn how to speak like those crazy blue cats in that 3-D movie you just saw ? Well now you can thanks to the ‘Learn Na’vi Pocket Guide’! Ah, internet , you never cease to amaze me with your treasure trove of shit I don’t need but can’t resist. Na’vi is a a constructed language spoken by the fictional indigenous race (the Na’vi) on Pandora in James Cameron’s 2009 film Avatar . The language was created by Paul Frommer, a professor at USC with a doctorate in linguistics. This website exists to share this beautiful language with all who want to learn. Click clack tikky tikky. Am I doing it right? I have no idea because I haven’t seen the movie or looked at the pocket guide. I will though, just as soon as I finish scouring the internet for a ‘Dino-Speak Pocket Guide’. ‘RAWR’ means I love you, I know that. Now what about, “put those little dino-arms down my pants”? RAWR? Okay I’m lost. Learn Na’vi Website and Handbook Download (pdf) Thanks to Ben, who learned how to speak Na’vi fluently so he can hit on all the blue chicks. Hey — watch out for those tentacles, bro.

Apparently there’s a downloadable XBox game that’s supposed to teach you how to talk to girls . Which — so let me get this straight: playing a video game ….to learn how to talk to girls. Folks, you better put your foil helmets on, the universe is imploding. “Are you nervous talking to girls? All you need is practice,” I kid you not, is the tag line for a downloadable Xbox 360 game called Don’t Be Nervous Talking 2 Girls . The 80 point ($1) indie game is one part dating sim and tries to be one part edutainment. Don’t Be Nervous Talking 2 Girls takes it self surprisingly seriously for such a silly title. Now wait just a minute — are we talking TO girls or are we talking TWO girls. Because those are two completely different things. One of which might actually be worth $1. Psyyyyyyche! What is this, a value menu?! Xbox 360 Game Wants To Help You Talk To Women [siliconera] Thanks to Jackie Jormp Jomp, who doesn’t need an XBox game to talk to the other sex because the Wii port is better.

This is a little collection of letters children wrote to God . Some ask fairly thought provoking questions , while others just spout their ignorance like this little moron. LEARN HOW TO SPELL! God hates mis-spellars. Plus Jonathans. Double whammy! Hit the jump for a bunch more of my favorites and the link to even more. And feel free to write your own in the comments, I know you’re clever!

If there’s one thing old people love it’s soft food. If there’s another it’s stuff with giant-ass buttons so they can push the right one with their shaky, arthritic fingers . Aaaaaand I’ve officially depressed myself. Good times. Anyway, this is a cell phone for old people and people with fat fingers. Or, as we like to call them in the hand modeling biz , Vienna digits. The 6380 Senior Mobile Phone ($75 USD) does actually have a few handy features, including a built in flashlight, and a giant “SOS” button on the back that can automatically dial a pre-set emergency number, and emit a loud warning alarm. It’s also got a minimal display with large on-screen fonts, and a whopping 128×60 screen resolution. I kind of want one. Not that I have fat fingers, because I don’t. I’m just clumsy. One time I tried to order a pizza and ended up spending an hour on a phone sex line. YES I WANT PEPPERONI ON THAT! Hit the jump for two more shots of the latest in geriatric communication technology.

If there’s one thing old people love it’s soft food. If there’s another it’s stuff with giant-ass buttons so they can push the right one with their shaky, arthritic fingers . Aaaaaand I’ve officially depressed myself. Good times. Anyway, this is a cell phone for old people and people with fat fingers. Or, as we like to call them in the hand modeling biz , Vienna digits. The 6380 Senior Mobile Phone ($75 USD) does actually have a few handy features, including a built in flashlight, and a giant “SOS” button on the back that can automatically dial a pre-set emergency number, and emit a loud warning alarm. It’s also got a minimal display with large on-screen fonts, and a whopping 128×60 screen resolution. I kind of want one. Not that I have fat fingers, because I don’t. I’m just clumsy. One time I tried to order a pizza and ended up spending an hour on a phone sex line. YES I WANT PEPPERONI ON THAT! Hit the jump for two more shots of the latest in geriatric communication technology.

This is a video of German rapper Klenginem covering Eminem’s ‘Without Me’ in the Klingon language . Apparently this guy actually dresses up and plays gigs doing this. And, honestly, I’m not surprised , Germans are weird as shit. Videos. Case closed! Klenginem: Eminem Meets Klingon [poppedculture] Thanks to Matthew, Chrissy and dan, who, from the quality of their emails, don’t even know one language. Kidding (but not really)!

Following in the trend of tweeting from the bathroom , a 17-year old Romanian girl died while apparently trying to Twitter from the tub (this new loofah feels great!). The Austrian times says that Maria Barbu was, in fact, in the tub while using Twitter when she likely reached to plug in her charger with a wet hand, electrocuting herself in the process. As much fun as I do want to make of Maria, you really can’t blame her. Women understanding electricity? BWHAHAH AHAH AH AH! God, I needed that. Girl Dies by Electrocution While Twitting in Bathtub, Apocalypse Draws Nearer [gizmodo] Thanks to Julian, who once showered with a toaster but the bread got all soggy.