You’d think something billed as a Lara Croft / Princess Leia snowball fight would be chock-full of sexiness , right? Well don’t get your hopes up, because not even Frosty popped a corncob bone watching this one. Lara Croft and Slave Leia Having a Snowball Fight [toplessrobot] Thanks to charlie, who, oww, charlie — that really hurt. Charlie bit me!

Tired of clutching a dog-eared copy of New Moon to your bosom to fall asleep at night? Well fear not, pathetic , because now you can buy $35 homemade Twilight character “manllows”. For all the twilight [sic] crazed lonely women in the world, Jacob Black is finally here to be with you and only you. Sleep with him, cuddle with him, use him as a neck rest, the Jacob Manllow is there to be your man and pillow all in one. Don’t worry, in the Manllow world, all men are of age. No. No no no no no. “Twilight dummy” jokes aside, you’ve got to admit these have nothing on my Legolas manllow. Isn’t that right, my sexy little archer? You shot me right through the heart. Hit the jump for a couple more shots of the travesty.

The man on the left is Professor Henry Markram. Based on this picture alone he’s clearly a mad scientist . Don’t believe me? Read this captain crazy shit: Professor Henry Markram, a doctor-turned-computer engineer, announced that his team would create the world’s first artificial conscious and intelligent mind by 2018. And that is exactly what he is doing. On the shore of Lake Geneva, this brilliant, eccentric scientist is building an artificial mind. A Swiss - it could only be Swiss - precision- engineered mind, made of silicon, gold and copper. The end result will be a creature, if we can call it that, which its maker believes within a decade may be able to think, feel and even fall in love. Now I’m not saying somebody needs to blow up Markram’s lab and rescue the beautiful maiden he’s obviously holding captive, but I am asking if any of you live on Lake Geneva (I’ll ring-bay the omb-bay). The real Frankenstein experiment: One man’s mission to create a living mind inside a machine [dailymail] (long article with a ton more information — I stopped reading around the bucket of rat brains part) Thanks to Brandon and Bryan, who will pitchfork and torch the shit outta this bastard if he ever becomes reality.

The man on the left is Professor Henry Markram. Based on this picture alone he’s clearly a mad scientist . Don’t believe me? Read this captain crazy shit: Professor Henry Markram, a doctor-turned-computer engineer, announced that his team would create the world’s first artificial conscious and intelligent mind by 2018. And that is exactly what he is doing. On the shore of Lake Geneva, this brilliant, eccentric scientist is building an artificial mind. A Swiss - it could only be Swiss - precision- engineered mind, made of silicon, gold and copper. The end result will be a creature, if we can call it that, which its maker believes within a decade may be able to think, feel and even fall in love. Now I’m not saying somebody needs to blow up Markram’s lab and rescue the beautiful maiden he’s obviously holding captive, but I am asking if any of you live on Lake Geneva (I’ll ring-bay the omb-bay). The real Frankenstein experiment: One man’s mission to create a living mind inside a machine [dailymail] (long article with a ton more information — I stopped reading around the bucket of rat brains part) Thanks to Brandon and Bryan, who will pitchfork and torch the shit outta this bastard if he ever becomes reality.

Listen, just buy one. Sure she’ll eventually pop , but it’s better than explaining this thing to your parents when they come home from vacation early. Although admittedly, the Covergirl face is a nice touch. The one breast not so much. YOU HAVE TO BE GENTLE! Hit the jump for the uncensored version, which may or may not have a zombie hand for a vagina. WARNING : IMAGE CANNOT BE UNSEEN.

The Micro S’mores machine is a piece of shit designed for cooking s’mores in the microwave . The secret is its “Core Fusion Technology” which is a jargonical (word wizardry!) way of saying it has a plunger that pushes the marshmallow down as it gets gooey. You get two of them for $20, plus shipping and handling. Now, as a guy who’s been making s’mores in the microwave since middle school, I’ll admit a little downward pressure while the s’mores cook is key to a good turnout. So here’s what you do: break off the safety latch that prevents you from cooking with the microwave door open . You’ll be able to stir things too! Hit the jump for a ridiculous commercial.

Sweeping a solid 27 of the 299 total write-in votes for New York City mayor, Charles Montgomery Burns certainly gave incumbent billionaire Michael Bloomburg a run for his money . Smithers — a body massage . Burns wasn’t the only fictional character to get votes in the race. Mad Magazine icon Alfred E. Newman, Fantastic Four arch-villain Victor Von Doom, Mickey Mouse, and Sleeping Beauty also received write-in votes. Many New York City and state political figures also got votes, including former New York City mayors Ed Koch, Rudy Giuliani, and David Dinkins. Others include Bill and Hillary Clinton, former New York governor George Pataki, Rep. Anthony Weiner, and the candidates from this year’s congressional race in New York’s 23rd district Dede Scozzafava and Doug Hoffman. Three historical figures also got votes: former presidents Abraham Lincoln and Teddy Roosevelt, and Nazi dictator Adolf Hitler. Other noteworthy figures getting a nod were New York Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter, radio shock jock Howard Stern, deceased comedian Rodney Dangerfield, and Robert Burke, better known to many New Yorkers as “the Naked Cowboy.” Wait a minute — I didn’t get a single write-in? WTF New Yorkers? I lay in bed and toil over the internet all day for you and this is how you repay me? I ACTUALLY KNOW SOME OF YOU TOO! This hurts, this really hurts . Simpsons billionaire gets most write-in votes in NYC mayor race [cnn] Thanks to wes, Geekologie Writer 2012 campaign manager. I better win, wes.

Listen, I don’t care how fat you are, God still loves you. But even God would charge you for two seats if you can’t fit in one. Just sayin’. High five, big G! Obese air passenger in economy seat has picture taken [telegraph] Thanks to Add Not Andrew Macgregor and Afern, who always buy two seats but only because they don’t like people sitting next to them.

This is a video of a dancing robot girl that was shot (the footage, not the robot — unfortunately) during the very disturbing (and fundamentally wrong) ROBO-ONE GATE Dance Competition. A dancing robot competition? Really? That’s it, I’m heading to the moon . The 6th ROBO-ONE GATE IN INTERNATIONAL ROBOT EXHIBITION 2009 Dance Competiton spons took place in Tokyo Big Sight, during INTERNATIONAL ROBOT EXHIBITION 2009 , on Nov. 28th, 2009. `LOVE & JOY, Yuhi Kimura` by Doka Harumi (Doka Project). No one survived the performance. Jesus, this is the shit nightmares are made of. You know, the kind you wake up from with a full load. And don’t even act like it’s never happened, it’s happened . I ran into your mom at the grocery store! Doka Harumi’s robot dance routine fills us with shame for humanity, but mostly Japan [engadget] Thanks to Mycropht, who once danced with a robot BUT ONLY TO GET CLOSE ENOUGH TO PLANT THE C4. Good lookin’, Micropht.

Remember the Dartz Prombron Monaco Red Diamond Edition armored cars we reported on last month? You know, the ones that came with a ‘whale penis leather interior’ option? Ha, how could you forget? — you called the company to find out if you could just buy seats . Well, after many complaints from whale-loving organizations like Greenpeace, the WWF and PETA, the company has decided to drop the option. Per their absolutely terrible press release. And I mean terrible : We have no any ideas to kill the whale or something like that. All we want - to make just luxury car. Real luxury car which will be world number one car. All we want to unite luxury and armoring traditions of RussoBalt factory in one car, which brand celebrated 100 years now. At 1922 RussoBalt was renamed to PROMBRON’ (ex.RussoBalt). We just looking for most expensive products for this car - and that’s why we choosed whale penis leathure when we checked it is most of most. After wave of protest we realised our mistake and make a decision not to use natural leathure at all . We will focus on world most advanced nanotechnologies to achieve interior highest quality using artificial materials which also was never used for cars. We want to tell our hello to all whales: “Our Sea Brothers! We all know that earth are stand on three whales - we will keep You live! We don’t Earth fall down to Ocean! I can only assume that’s just a horrible, horrible translation job. Because if not, this is the last car I’d ever want to drive. You can’t even put a sentence together, how am I supposed to trust your air bags?! *POOF!* Elephant scrotum, nice. Hit the jump for two more shots of the most whale-hating-est vehicles in the world.