This is a parody of the Old Spice commercials that are all the rage on your fancy moving-picture box these days (posted one after the jump for those of you who haven’t seen them), except it’s for Apple products. Only problem is, it didn’t make me laugh like the originals. Those things are funny as shit! Shit on fire that you’re stomping out with your best dress socks on. I’M TALKING ROFLQUALITY. But not really. Hit the jump for the original Old Spice ad if you haven’t seen it.

South Koreans, being the industrious people that they are, have discovered that you can substitute an individually packaged sausage to operate your iPhone or other touchscreen cellphone without ever having to take your gloves off. Plus, they make a great snack afterward! The sausages, not the Koreans. Now I know what you’re thinking, “But GW, what if I don’t have a pre-packaged sausage in my pocket?” And the answer to that, dear reader, is use the man’s penis next to you. Trust me, one time I beat 8 levels of Bejeweled before guy got off the bus! South Korea Discovers The Sausage Stylus [ohgizmo] Thanks to Grissom, who has gloves that allow you can unwrap individual fingers. Cheater.

South Koreans, being the industrious people that they are, have discovered that you can substitute an individually packaged sausage to operate your iPhone or other touchscreen cellphone without ever having to take your gloves off. Plus, they make a great snack afterward! The sausages, not the Koreans. Now I know what you’re thinking, “But GW, what if I don’t have a pre-packaged sausage in my pocket?” And the answer to that, dear reader, is use the man’s penis next to you. Trust me, one time I beat 8 levels of Bejeweled before guy got off the bus! South Korea Discovers The Sausage Stylus [ohgizmo] Thanks to Grissom, who has gloves that allow you can unwrap individual fingers. Cheater.

Okay, I know Shannen Doherty doesn't look as ferosh as she did back in the day on the original 90210, but she'll still be the original Lindsay Lohan in my book! Stay classy, Shannen….

And so what if everything's a little swollen? She's about to become a mom and that's all that really matters!…

I can’t even believe that. Granted I spend 26 hours a day staring at a computer screen , but I’ve also already come to grips with not having a life or ever seeing the light of day (I look like a much handsomer Edward Cullen already!). But these kids, they still have hope . Run! Run into the light, little ones! However, it should be noted that this figure includes multi-tasking (i.e. watching television and working on a laptop simultaneously for an hour counts as 2 hours). The actual figure for singular daily use is 7:30. Jesus, you kids are gonna be blind by the time you’re 30! Look at me, I’m living proof. Kidding, kidding — masturbation. That shit’ll get ya. Youth of America Spend Half Their Waking Hours Staring at Screens [gizmodo]

Or is she? Here we have the First Lady leaving Le Pain Quotidien the other afternoon looking ab fab, BUT a source tells X17online that they saw Ms. Shriver in Brentwood dropping off her kids at school today and…

Courteney Cox has made no secret of her wanting BFF and former Friends star Jennifer Aniston to appear on her ABC show, Cougar Town and having spotted the star yesterday at Disney (which owns ABC), we kinda gotta wonder if…

Two piece of shit thieves broke in and stole two Motorola Droid phones from a man’s apartment, then proceeded to take a bunch of pictures of themselves like the vain little failures that they are. Little did they know, little did they know . What they didn’t foresee, however, was that one of the phones would have the free Lookout app, which automatically backs up all photos taken with the handset to a user-accessible server every night. So, in the midst of testing out their ill-gotten loot, the criminals provided the phone’s legitimate owner with enough visual clues for the police to swoop in and apprehend one of them. BUSTED! I forsee a dark future for both of you in prison. And you know what they say about the food there: it’s better going down than getting packed back up . You two have fun! Android photo backup app reveals burglars’ identities, stupidity [engadget] Thanks to David B., who doesn’t steal anything but women’s hearts. Hey, as long as you’re not a hoarder.

Two piece of shit thieves broke in and stole two Motorola Droid phones from a man’s apartment, then proceeded to take a bunch of pictures of themselves like the vain little failures that they are. Little did they know, little did they know . What they didn’t foresee, however, was that one of the phones would have the free Lookout app, which automatically backs up all photos taken with the handset to a user-accessible server every night. So, in the midst of testing out their ill-gotten loot, the criminals provided the phone’s legitimate owner with enough visual clues for the police to swoop in and apprehend one of them. BUSTED! I forsee a dark future for both of you in prison. And you know what they say about the food there: it’s better going down than getting packed back up . You two have fun! Android photo backup app reveals burglars’ identities, stupidity [engadget] Thanks to David B., who doesn’t steal anything but women’s hearts. Hey, as long as you’re not a hoarder.