You know what your dog needs? A f***ing walk. Not oxygen therapy. But hey, it’s available if you want it. Just don’t expect us to stay friends afterward. I CAN’T EVEN LOOK AT YOU ANYMORE! Developed by Air Press, the chambers are designed to help the dogs relax from their stressful days of eating, walking and being frequently petted by their human servants owners. Located in Yoyogi Uehara, the service goes for about 2,000 yen ($21) for 30 minutes Jesus, oxygen therapy for your pets? I NEED THAT OXYGEN. Seriously, it’s all fun and games till we’re huffing that shit out of cans like in Spaceballs. I’d hate to have to survive off whippits. No, no I wouldn’t. To the grocery store! Air Press chamber offers oxygen therapy for your pet [dvice]

18-year old idiot moron James N. P. Miller (because one initial wasn’t enough) scored a DWI (you can’t even drink legally!) on Halloween while wearing his ‘blow here’ breathalyzer costume . Not so good lookin’, N.P. Can I call you N.P.? You know I’m going to anyways. According to a police report, 18-year-old James N. P. Miller, of Cincinnati, was seen driving the wrong way out of the entrance to a one-way street at East Park Place in Oxford. Inside his car, officers allegedly found an open container of Bud Light in the center console. Officers also found what was left of a case of Bud Light in the passenger side front seat and in the trunk. The legal limit in Ohio is .08 BAC–Miller tested at .158. He was cited for operating a vehicle while intoxicated (among other violations) and released to his girlfriend. I actually know a guy that wore the same costume on Halloween and try as I might, I couldn’t get a reading. I dunno, dead batteries or something. Moron In Breathalyzer Costume Busted For Driving Drunk [gizmodo] Thanks to Chris, who blew even harder than I did.

First of all, I’m not convinced liquid oxygen is real because, if it is, why can’t I breath underwater ? I want a merman, damnit. But if it is real, this is a video of Theo Gray lighting a charcoal grill with the stuff. Apparently it’s dangerous, but I find it hard to believe. I mean, it’s just a liquid . Jesus, it’s not like I just ate and wanna go swimming in the stuff. Lighting a Grill with Liquid Oxygen Is the Opposite of Safe [gizmodo] Thanks to Van, who may or may not house a real husky bastard down by the river.

Apparently some guy was huffing pinecones when he accidentally snorted a bud into his lungs , where it grew into a little tree . Please note: man was not actually snorting pinecones, I just made that up for the sake of providing you with the highest quality investigative journalism. Also, I don’t know know if you could tell or not, but I made that graphic using Photoshop. Elite skills: I’m full of them. But hopefully, not evergreens . Artyom Sidorkin, came to a hospital in the city of Izhevsk in Central Russia last week, complaining that he was experiencing chest pain and coughing up blood. After submitting to an X-ray the doctors saw a lump in the patient’s lung. After a biopsying the lump the doctors pulled out a 5 centimeter fir tree branch out of his lung, complete with needles. Sick! At least he didn’t swallow it though. Because one time I swallowed a pumpkin seed and then several months later pissed a jack-o-lantern, complete with cut-out face and candle. Boy did I feel 8 pounds lighter! Hit the jump for a graphic shot of the tree and partial lung after removal. NOT recommended for lunch viewing.

Normally I’m an airplane glue kind of guy, but hey, chocolate could be good. Good mixed with airplane glue! That’s what I’m talkin’ about — double fist style! Anyway, Le Whif breathable chocolates are supposed to give you the same sensations as eating chocolate, but probably nowhere near as good. Just sayin’, Breathable chocolate:chocolate::porn:sex. Make sense? Over the centuries we’ve been eating smaller and smaller quantities at shorter and shorter intervals,” says (David) Edwards who, coincidentally (yeah, right) has a new novel out at the same time. It seemed to us that eating was tending toward breathing, so, with a mix of culinary art and aerosol science, we’ve helped move eating habits to their logical conclusion. We call it whiffing. No, we call it huffing, Dave. Whiffing is when you try to punch somebody and miss. If you’re interested, Le Whif huffgun shells are available in chocolate, mint chocolate, chocolate raspberry and chocolate mango and sell for about $4 a pop. No word on how much huff you get out of a single canister, but if I had to guess, I’d say one…two…three… *CRUNCH* three. Hit the jump for a video of some bicycle-seat whiffing in action.